Apocryphal stories
Discussion
The Fire brigade cut off car roof story - I think I saw a very old press cutting about that reprinted in a classic mag - probably 20 years ago I saw it, but may have imagined it!
I've heard it about being an MGB GT and a Frogeye (I know Frogs didn't have a roof, but I'm told that if you fold the seats forward and put your legs into the boot it's possible! Maybe that's apocryphal as well!)
I've heard it about being an MGB GT and a Frogeye (I know Frogs didn't have a roof, but I'm told that if you fold the seats forward and put your legs into the boot it's possible! Maybe that's apocryphal as well!)
silverfoxcc said:
So where do we find the Stansfield and corbett stories?
Writing names down means nowt
I first heard the Lisa Stansfield one many years ago, God knows how these things get started.Writing names down means nowt
Anyhow, there's a reference to it here:
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?t...
SJWs on Twitter whose young children see something and come up with some PC question about it. Invariably followed by #proud
Every day a new pile to add to ‘never happened’.
E.g. SJW; some white, old man held a door open for me. Suddenly my unborn none gender binary child gave a kick as if it knew I was being assaulted and was trying to protect me against the misogynistic patriarchy. #proud
Every day a new pile to add to ‘never happened’.
E.g. SJW; some white, old man held a door open for me. Suddenly my unborn none gender binary child gave a kick as if it knew I was being assaulted and was trying to protect me against the misogynistic patriarchy. #proud
Happy to see my little baby off an running after a slightly rocky start.
Here's another for you.
In the days before the EU and free and open borders a UK forces soldier/airman/etc. used to drive home from Germany to the UK on leave in his VW Beetle fitted with a Porsche 911 motor . On arrival he'd rock up at a Porsche dealer where the 911 engine would be replaced with a VW four pot and he'd drive back to Germany.
Rinse and repeat.
Could be useful when Brexit kicks in.
Here's another for you.
In the days before the EU and free and open borders a UK forces soldier/airman/etc. used to drive home from Germany to the UK on leave in his VW Beetle fitted with a Porsche 911 motor . On arrival he'd rock up at a Porsche dealer where the 911 engine would be replaced with a VW four pot and he'd drive back to Germany.
Rinse and repeat.
Could be useful when Brexit kicks in.
There’s the old Rolls Royce one.
In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
john2443 said:
My friend's sister's friend's cousin was in a lift in LA, doors opened, Eddie Murphy said Hit the Floor, she lay down rather than pressing the button, he paid her hotel bill.
On a similar vein, someone had booked a hotel in the New Forest (I'm from Southampton) for their wedding. Man Utd were playing and they had the hotel phone up to see if they would change dates, but due to family from overseas etc said no.Then someone who had gotten their number phones up and offers to pay for the wedding and honeymoon if they go elsewhere.
Turns out Posh and Becks and family wanted to stay in a 5* local to the match and liked the hotel.
I'd also heard it with them paying off their mortgage.
The Hypno-Toad said:
Joan Armatrading & Valerie Singleton.
Debbie McGee, the Alsatian, the workman and the polaroids.
I always thought the one about Debbie McGee and the dog was a strange one. It would have had next to no credibility if it weren't for Paul Daniels' written admission that the photographs exist, and that they were supposedly made by digital manipulation and then transferred to polaroid...right. Debbie McGee, the Alsatian, the workman and the polaroids.
AstonZagato said:
There’s the old Rolls Royce one.
In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
One version of that referred to the extraordinary guy who used to own Elstree airfield. Apparently in the 60s he used a P51 Mustang as a runabout, he had a problem with the Merlin engine and Rolls Royce fixed it for free, explaining that it was only an adjustment because Merlin engines never break, even Packard built ones.In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
I think there are genuine cases where Rolls Royce have fixed things for free out of warranty and played down the extent of the failure, and the stories grew from there.
I did hear of one customer (supposed to be a true story this one) who was waiting months for his new Rolls and expecting to wait months more when a delivery driver suddenly turned up with his new car. "But I haven't paid for it yet", "oh just put a cheque in the post" said the driver as he handed over the keys.
Dr Jekyll said:
AstonZagato said:
There’s the old Rolls Royce one.
In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
One version of that referred to the extraordinary guy who used to own Elstree airfield. Apparently in the 60s he used a P51 Mustang as a runabout, he had a problem with the Merlin engine and Rolls Royce fixed it for free, explaining that it was only an adjustment because Merlin engines never break, even Packard built ones.In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
I think there are genuine cases where Rolls Royce have fixed things for free out of warranty and played down the extent of the failure, and the stories grew from there.
I did hear of one customer (supposed to be a true story this one) who was waiting months for his new Rolls and expecting to wait months more when a delivery driver suddenly turned up with his new car. "But I haven't paid for it yet", "oh just put a cheque in the post" said the driver as he handed over the keys.
Tony Starks said:
On a similar vein, someone had booked a hotel in the New Forest (I'm from Southampton) for their wedding. Man Utd were playing and they had the hotel phone up to see if they would change dates, but due to family from overseas etc said no.
Then someone who had gotten their number phones up and offers to pay for the wedding and honeymoon if they go elsewhere.
Turns out Posh and Becks and family wanted to stay in a 5* local to the match and liked the hotel.
I'd also heard it with them paying off their mortgage.
I heard that story but it was David Beckham who wanted the Celtic Manor Hotel in Newport after the FA cup was played in Cardiff. This was when Wembley was being rebuilt. Then someone who had gotten their number phones up and offers to pay for the wedding and honeymoon if they go elsewhere.
Turns out Posh and Becks and family wanted to stay in a 5* local to the match and liked the hotel.
I'd also heard it with them paying off their mortgage.
Dr Jekyll said:
I did hear of one customer (supposed to be a true story this one) who was waiting months for his new Rolls and expecting to wait months more when a delivery driver suddenly turned up with his new car. "But I haven't paid for it yet", "oh just put a cheque in the post" said the driver as he handed over the keys.
Probably embellished but not that far fetched. I've supplied cars to a regular customer on a "if you like it send me a cheque, if not I'll collect it in a week" basis. AstonZagato said:
There’s the old Rolls Royce one.
In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
Since this post there have been other RR-related stories, but you're more or less spot-on. It's a fact. A young Royal Navy officer in the early post-WW2 years ran a Rolls 20/25 as his daily. They could be bought for minimal sums on those times. He ran it on a shoe-string and one day it broke down - I think it was the crankshaft but can't remember the actual occurrence. One of the engineering lads was due to visit the Crewe area, so they took out the engine, packed it in a crate, and it was taken to the RR factory with a note saying "can you fix this ? I can only afford £50". About a couple of weeks later a crate arrived at his base containing the engine, rebuilt and freshly painted and a bill for exactly £50.In the days before warranties, a chap bought a Rolls Royce. He had it many years and did many miles. He decided to go touring in it. When in deepest France the half shaft breaks stranding him. No local garage could possibly fix it. He phoned / telegraphed the factory with his tale of woe. They told him not to worry. The next day, an engineer arrived in a transporter with a new Rolls Royce on the back and did a swap: the chap is free to continue his journey.
When the owner finally arrived back in Blighty, the factory came and collected the car he has been using and dropped off his car.
He asked the engineer for the bill. The bloke told him to phone the factory.
He called the factory to ask for the bill for mending the broken half shaft.
The factory told him “There must be some mistake. There can’t possibly be a bill for such a thing. The half shafts on Rolls Royces NEVER break.”
I've forgotten my source, but I'm pretty sure the whole thing is true. RR had a reputation to maintain.
percymk4 said:
Same thing happened to me. Was at the shops the other day and the guy in front told me "don't go to the game on Saturday."
"Why not?" I asked him.
"Because it's on Sunday."
Or like the classic "Why not?" I asked him.
"Because it's on Sunday."
"don't watch (insert football team here) on Saturday."
"Why not?"
"Because they are s
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