Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[BrabusMog]

Bill said:

V1nce Fox said:

anonymous said:

[redacted]

That does sound a little like it was always a soft plan all along.

Or maybe being stuck in a small flat with a bloke that shouted at her wasn't her idea of fun and showed her the relationship wasn't working.

This was my thought - it will hurt at the moment but I'd look at it as a good thing in the long term as he has acknowledged some poor behaviour on his part and can perhaps learn to control it in a future relationship. Similar thing happened to me, although mine was me not noticing certain selfish behaviours and I got dumped out of the blue - it was the best thing that ever happened to me!

[Hugo Stiglitz]

RonaldMcDonaldAteMyCat said:

Your brother evades tax, but it's ok because he gives some of the ill gotten gains to his ex?

I can't wait for the day we take cash out of society and income is properly checked.

Shed loads of takeaways around the land are cash rich but not declaring.

[Benbay001]

Thanks guys.
I knew you would be supportive.

I do really appreciate ive not been nice to her, but i think the lockdown, being in such close environment with one other person really amplifies any bad personality traits. I recognise im a critical tt, but normally its controllable.

She genuinely didnt seem crazy, but she did kick me and did threaten to throw a fork at me during two seperate arguements along with many strange behaviors (not a cultural thing, that im sure), maybe she was a crazy in the making?

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

She was my first true girlfriend and ive learnt an aweful lot and had many fun times.

[Monkeylegend]

Benbay001 said:

Thanks guys.
I knew you would be supportive.

I do really appreciate ive not been nice to her, but i think the lockdown, being in such close environment with one other person really amplifies any bad personality traits. I recognise im a critical tt, but normally its controllable.

She genuinely didnt seem crazy, but she did kick me and did threaten to throw a fork at me during two seperate arguements along with many strange behaviors (not a cultural thing, that im sure), maybe she was a crazy in the making?

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

She was my first true girlfriend and ive learnt an aweful lot and had many fun times.

You probably need to be a bit more attentive and understanding with the next one. To live with the same person in one room for 5 months and not have a clue about how she felt suggests you might have been a bit "blind" to her moods and feelings.

If you were continually picking up on the things about her that annoyed you it is probably only to be expected that she would only tolerate that for so long.

A good lesson for No 2 hopefully

[George Smiley]

Benbay001 said:

Thanks guys.
I knew you would be supportive.

I do really appreciate ive not been nice to her, but i think the lockdown, being in such close environment with one other person really amplifies any bad personality traits. I recognise im a critical tt, but normally its controllable.

She genuinely didnt seem crazy, but she did kick me and did threaten to throw a fork at me during two seperate arguements along with many strange behaviors (not a cultural thing, that im sure), maybe she was a crazy in the making?

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

She was my first true girlfriend and ive learnt an aweful lot and had many fun times.

Lockdown makes or breaks relationships. We have been having very similar issues you mentioned, silly arguments over nothing.

We’ve had blazing rows that stemmed from fk all. Everyone is susceptible but I would say it’s how you learn from it.

My ex didn’t just fk someone for the fun of it there would have been triggers

[MB140]

Whilst my wife and I get on fantastic I’m not sure I could spend every day with her and she is by far the most laid back and easy to get on with person that I know.

I’ve known her for 10 years. Married 5. In that time she was the boss of an oil company rig working 2 weeks on 2 weeks off.

She then went an run power stations for 5 years where she would work 12 hour shifts.

She now runs her own company in London commissioning new power stations. She works 3 weeks away, 2 weeks at home.

I’m in the RAF and whilst my current post doesn’t see me away for month at a time pre cv19 I would do a couple of weeks here and there frequently.

I couldn’t imagine a time where we lived under each other’s feet 24/7 as I’m sure I would drive her nuts too. It’s good to have life outside of a relationship.

OP, you appear to have identified the issues. This should help you in further relationships.

Bit st of her to do it how she did though.

Good luck for the future.

[Benbay001]

Monkeylegend said:

You probably need to be a bit more attentive and understanding with the next one. To live with the same person in one room for 5 months and not have a clue about how she felt suggests you might have been a bit "blind" to her moods and feelings.

If you were continually picking up on the things about her that annoyed you it is probably only to be expected that she would only tolerate that for so long.

A good lesson for No 2 hopefully

I agree.

And i know in hindsight i was dumb to think that i could be feeling one way, and her not be feeling anything.

Back when we had the run on the toilet roll in the supermarkets, we had a bust up because i didnt want to run out and pick some up. Yes, we were running out, but we still had a day or two left.

We argued and her parents were also messaging her telling her how she needs to go and get some toilet roll. It all ended up in a bit of a breakdown. She jumped up and down like a toddler and eventually curled up into a ball on the floor in floods of tears.

I realised at that point that the lockdown and virus were going to be tough for her. But she continued to put on a happy front. I guess the strange traits she displayed were covering up her unhappyness.

As i said, onwards and upwards.

[Benbay001]

MB140 said:

Bit st of her to do it how she did though.

I dont know.

I dont blame her.

It would have been very odd to sleep in the same bed for weeks knowing it was going to end.

But it would have given us a chance to have a proper talk and attempt a reset.

[Monkeylegend]

Benbay001 said:

I agree.

And i know in hindsight i was dumb to think that i could be feeling one way, and her not be feeling anything.

Back when we had the run on the toilet roll in the supermarkets, we had a bust up because i didnt want to run out and pick some up. Yes, we were running out, but we still had a day or two left.

We argued and her parents were also messaging her telling her how she needs to go and get some toilet roll. It all ended up in a bit of a breakdown. She jumped up and down like a toddler and eventually curled up into a ball on the floor in floods of tears.

I realised at that point that the lockdown and virus were going to be tough for her. But she continued to put on a happy front. I guess the strange traits she displayed were covering up her unhappyness.

As i said, onwards and upwards.

All part of life's experience which we learn from.

I am sure most have been in failed relationship and looked back and thought I didn't handle that very well. I know I have.

It makes you determined not to repeat the same mistakes and will help you in your next relationship.

Good luck

[Leicester Loyal]

Monkeylegend said:

All part of life's experience which we learn from.

I am sure most have been in failed relationship and looked back and thought I didn't handle that very well. I know I have.

It makes you determined not to repeat the same mistakes and will help you in your next relationship.

Good luck

Spot on.

Live and learn, don't repeat the same mistakes. Move on and enjoy yourself, life is too short, even if it feels like it won't get any better at the minute.

[The spinner of plates]

Benbay001 said:

She jumped up and down like a toddler and eventually curled up into a ball on the floor in floods of tears.

When you have the odd moment of missing her... just read this back to yourself.

Onwards and upwards eh.

[Benbay001]

The spinner of plates said:

When you have the odd moment of missing her... just read this back to yourself.

Onwards and upwards eh.

Will do!

[bloomen]

I wonder how many relationships have been tested by the lockdown that otherwise wouldn't have been.

If I was with someone relatively recent I think I would've suggested they do their own thing and see what's what down the line rather than submit to an immediate pressure cooker.

[Benbay001]

bloomen said:

I wonder how many relationships have been tested by the lockdown that otherwise wouldn't have been.

If I was with someone relatively recent I think I would've suggested they do their own thing and see what's what down the line rather than submit to an immediate pressure cooker.

I did ask her to go back to Spain to spend CV19 with her family on a repatriation flight, but that would have meant there was no way back, and she could have been called into work at any point.

[xjay1337]

bloomen said:

I wonder how many relationships have been tested by the lockdown that otherwise wouldn't have been.

If I was with someone relatively recent I think I would've suggested they do their own thing and see what's what down the line rather than submit to an immediate pressure cooker.

Love to see the Divorce and break up rates for February to June, compared to last year.
I'd say up at least 80%.

[George Smiley]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I'll ask her sister to go get checked and report back if anythings untoward

[xjay1337]

George Smiley said:

Benbay001 said:

Thanks guys.
I knew you would be supportive.

I do really appreciate ive not been nice to her, but i think the lockdown, being in such close environment with one other person really amplifies any bad personality traits. I recognise im a critical tt, but normally its controllable.

She genuinely didnt seem crazy, but she did kick me and did threaten to throw a fork at me during two seperate arguements along with many strange behaviors (not a cultural thing, that im sure), maybe she was a crazy in the making?

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

She was my first true girlfriend and ive learnt an aweful lot and had many fun times.

Lockdown makes or breaks relationships. We have been having very similar issues you mentioned, silly arguments over nothing.

We’ve had blazing rows that stemmed from fk all. Everyone is susceptible but I would say it’s how you learn from it.

My ex didn’t just fk someone for the fun of it there would have been triggers

'

Yesterday I asked, in a nice way (not diggy etc) why there was a bunch of tissue on the floor of my GF's car. I wanted to know if it was dirty or whatever so I could move or avoid it as necessary.

I do previously have a history of moaning at her car. Mainly because when she was using MY car that I was paying for (for 2 years) she honestly made it such a state. I found half eaten bananas left for weeks in the door cards, the end of a baguette stuffed between the seat and centre console, chocolate/crisp wrappers on the floor etc. I'm not one for perfection but there's normal dirt and then there's DIRT, you know? She would never just accept she treated it badly , instead just made excuses.

She asked me not to mention it anymore as she is using her car now, so I haven't said st in around 3 months. (And I was using her car for 2 weeks recently!)

Caused a big argument - Because rather than just go "oh it just fell out of my bag, it's not dirty" she went "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MOAN AT ME ABOUT MY CAR "

And rather than admit her over reaction she dug her heels in further. I think she realised she was being a child on the way to the Restaurant, when she threatened "OK let's just go home then" and pulled over - and I said, OK great , that means I can play my computer - she carried on. Dinner was nice

Lockdown is tough on everyone. It's important to get your own space from time to time.
To the OP with the Spanish chicka, just learn your lessons. I don't think you're wrong to mention things she did wrong (in your opinion) or that annoyed you, but learn how to approach those topics a bit more hollistically. Also, realistically, it sounded like once she went back to her own country for her studies that was always going to be the end.

Take it for what it was, you'll be OK. I remember the loss of my first GF, even though she was a narcissistic abusive bh, I was still in pieces for weeks

[Munter]

Benbay001 said:

Back when we had the run on the toilet roll in the supermarkets, we had a bust up because i didnt want to run out and pick some up. Yes, we were running out, but we still had a day or two left.

We argued and her parents were also messaging her telling her how she needs to go and get some toilet roll. It all ended up in a bit of a breakdown. She jumped up and down like a toddler and eventually curled up into a ball on the floor in floods of tears.

Jesus you had a lucky escape!

A fully formed adult would have gone "I'm going out to get some regardless, you want to come along, or stay here?".

(I'm assuming she had her own money, shoes, and access to the door keys.)

[theboss]

George Smiley said:

My ex was going to do the same.

Was working in Brussels during the week, back home for weekends.

Booked 2 weeks off for my daughters birthday, come home and find out two days before daughters birth that my ex was pregnant to someone else.

Utterly shocked and with bitter irony as I’d just planned the surprise wedding. Doesn’t matter how I found out but the day I found out, I discovered she had an abortion booked the day before our daughters birthday- so no one would ever know.

I asked when she was going to tell me it’s over, after the birthday and when I was on the train back to work... bad enough to find out it’s over but to be told once you’re on the train to Brussels?!

3 years on she kept the child and has had twins. I’m in a great relationship and moving in to our new home soon and my relationship with the ex is really good too.

Croyde good luck, shame to hear your ex doesn’t realise what she’s got.

Mine had setup a new home with the fella (rented in his name) and was spending her days down there decorating/preparing the place and getting shagged senseless. She was telling her close friends she was going to get some guys with a van and just clear the marital home out one week when I was away with work. When asked if she would tell me where she had gone she said no. Our two children plus her son were just going to get moved into a new house with no warning whatsoever and I wasn’t to find out until I got back from work.

The funny thing was that this other guy had no intention of leaving his wife for her, no doubt under the pretence of “it’s not the right time yet, you do your end and I’ll join you later”.

So when I discovered everything, supervised her removal of items from the home and told the guys wife everything I knew he had no choice but to pack his bags and make a go of it. They lasted 6 months living together.

I’m still living in the same home enjoying my family life with my second wife and 6 month old son and she lives in a total limbo, still knocking about with the fella. His wife divorced him, kept the house and everything.

[Benbay001]

Munter said:

Benbay001 said:

Back when we had the run on the toilet roll in the supermarkets, we had a bust up because i didnt want to run out and pick some up. Yes, we were running out, but we still had a day or two left.

We argued and her parents were also messaging her telling her how she needs to go and get some toilet roll. It all ended up in a bit of a breakdown. She jumped up and down like a toddler and eventually curled up into a ball on the floor in floods of tears.

Jesus you had a lucky escape!

A fully formed adult would have gone "I'm going out to get some regardless, you want to come along, or stay here?".

(I'm assuming she had her own money, shoes, and access to the door keys.)

I know.

She did walk to our small local coop, but they had sold out.

But i am partially to blame.

I told her we would go when i got home from work, (6:30) but then decided i was too tired, we would go in the morning (i was off work) but we didnt go until the evening.