Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
ChemicalChaos said:
I met a girl in a pub recently, got talking to her, and it turns out she was the daughter of a local Earl. After a bit more chatting, I invited her back to my estate for the traditional Sunday shoot, and she readily agreed.
Turns out that Toxteth isn't what she had in mind....
Turns out that Toxteth isn't what she had in mind....
A new commanding officer was sent to a British jungle outpost to relieve a retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talents are simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed, and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man, less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment, and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers. The CO can find all that in your personnel file.
Tell him about the day you called the witch doctor a motherf..ker.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talents are simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed, and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man, less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment, and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers. The CO can find all that in your personnel file.
Tell him about the day you called the witch doctor a motherf..ker.
A six year old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room....
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as mum comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because mum said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land! "
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as mum comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because mum said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land! "
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