Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[glenrobbo]

silverfoxcc said:

I was very hard to leave yesterday after living in the same house for 30 years, i grew up in that house and it held so many happy memories, .
When i was unpacking i found out i had left a tool behind

It was a wrench

What a spanner!

[NoNeed]

silverfoxcc said:

I was very hard to leave yesterday after living in the same house for 30 years, i grew up in that house and it held so many happy memories, .
When i was unpacking i found out i had left a tool behind

It was a wrench

Get a grip

[Laurel Green]

NoNeed said:

Get a grip

There you go!

[Monkeylegend]

JulianPH said:

Monkeylegend said:

Stop all the one liners and get to the Pierrepoint.

Very good! I used to be best mates with his grandson in my youth.

Did he ever talk about his job to his children/grandchildren.

He presumably had a "normal" job as well?

[glenrobbo]

Monkeylegend said:

Did he [ Pierrepont ] ever talk about his job to his children/grandchildren.

He presumably had a "normal" job as well?

He used to work on aeroplanes. He had a special hanger.

[Vipers]

glenrobbo said:

Monkeylegend said:

Did he [ Pierrepont ] ever talk about his job to his children/grandchildren.

He presumably had a "normal" job as well?

He used to work on aeroplanes. He had a special hanger.

I often wondered where he hung around in his spare time.

Edited by Vipers on Sunday 7th July 14:35

[Monkeylegend]

Vipers said:

glenrobbo said:

Monkeylegend said:

Did he [ Pierrepont ] ever talk about his job to his children/grandchildren.

He presumably had a "normal" job as well?

He used to work on aeroplanes. He had a special hanger.

I often where he hung around in his spare time.

Jokes are getting a bit ropey round here.

[JulianPH]

Laurel Green said:

JulianPH said:

Monkeylegend said:

Stop all the one liners and get to the Pierrepoint.

Very good! I used to be best mates with his grandson in my youth.

Swinging sixties?

Cheeky sod! It was the nineties!

[JulianPH]

Monkeylegend said:

JulianPH said:

Monkeylegend said:

Stop all the one liners and get to the Pierrepoint.

Very good! I used to be best mates with his grandson in my youth.

Did he ever talk about his job to his children/grandchildren.

He presumably had a "normal" job as well?

I don't think so, but to be honest we really didn't discuss it much.

Interesting though, I once joined my mate and his family for a surfing holiday in Cornwall and found out that my own grandfather (a Sergeant Major who had retired from the army and gone into the prison service) had actually met his grandfather (Pierrepoint) as he used to be one of the guards who escorted the condemned prisoners to him.

Quite a coincidence.

I'll try and think of a joke now!

[Monkeylegend]

JulianPH said:

I'll try and think of a joke now!

Sorry about the thread drift but it is fascinating.

He was probably a very highly strung individual and I was told his day job was at a drop in.

[JulianPH]

Monkeylegend said:

Sorry about the thread drift but it is fascinating.

He was probably a very highly strung individual and I was told his day job was at a drop in.

Yes, he certainly cracked it.

[Evangelion]

I hope we get back to the jokes soon as the suspense is killing me.

[Monkeylegend]

Apparently when they were hung later in the evening he used to say to the soon tp be expired "Hello, here is the nine o'clock noose"

[JulianPH]

I think this has been done to death.

[Monkeylegend]

Apparently when the death sentence was abolished he became addicted to one arm bandits.

[JulianPH]

I'm not hanging around for any more of this.

[davhill]

JulianPH said:

I'm not hanging around for any more of this.

Going to be a Burke and Hare off?

[JulianPH]

Very good!

I couldn't think of a joke, so have made one up in Sean Connery style (unless it already exists and I didn't know about it):

My barber is raving about his new share incentive scheme, but I can't see the difference. It's called Shave as you Earn.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Evangelion said:

I hope we get back to the jokes soon as the suspense is killing me.

July has traditionally been a slow noose month!

[davhill]

A trap it's easy to fall into...knot a slip to be taken lightly.
Hang on though, I hoodn't wait 'til the end of the end of the sentence. By then, it's become a matter of a pinion and even a gallow youth would be unable to execute a stay.
I myself wouldn' t gibbet on it. By then, it all becomes a bit of a carrion.

Edited by davhill on Sunday 7th July 16:59