Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[2Btoo]

shed driver said:

What goes clip, clip, clop, clip, clip, clop, clip, clip, clip. Clop, clop, clop, clip, clop, clip, clip?



Horse code!

SD.

What goes clip clop .. clip clop ... clip clop .. clip ... clop .... BANG! Clippety-clop clippety-clop clippety-clop?

An Amish drive-by shooting.

[glenrobbo]

What goes "Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG! clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop clippety clop...........?


An Amish drive-by shooting

[glenrobbo]

Damn!
I spent too long on the formatting!

[rev-erend]

Pea roast

[Nimby]

Trophy Husband said:

Some Guy said:

Amazon have admitted their new drone delivery system may be faulty after a man in Clapham ordered a spade...

Sick and not funny. Also about as racist as one could be.
Can you just imagine if your life was that cr4p that you thought that you'd hedge your very life on climbing into the landing gear space of a jet that flies to 6 miles above the earth, with all of your worldly belongings, expecting to survive at minus 30 degrees with zero oxygen?
I suggest you quit PH now because I for one am appalled by your 'contribution'.

From this week's Private Eye:

[nonsequitur]

Nimby said:

Trophy Husband said:

Some Guy said:

Amazon have admitted their new drone delivery system may be faulty after a man in Clapham ordered a spade...

Sick and not funny. Also about as racist as one could be.
Can you just imagine if your life was that cr4p that you thought that you'd hedge your very life on climbing into the landing gear space of a jet that flies to 6 miles above the earth, with all of your worldly belongings, expecting to survive at minus 30 degrees with zero oxygen?
I suggest you quit PH now because I for one am appalled by your 'contribution'.

From this week's Private Eye:

It was forever thus. The first 'sick' joke I remember was 'Apart from that Mrs. Kennedy, did you enjoy your visit to Dallas'?. from that point it continues.

[Stuart70]

nonsequitur said:

Nimby said:

Trophy Husband said:

Some Guy said:

Amazon have admitted their new drone delivery system may be faulty after a man in Clapham ordered a spade...

Sick and not funny. Also about as racist as one could be.
Can you just imagine if your life was that cr4p that you thought that you'd hedge your very life on climbing into the landing gear space of a jet that flies to 6 miles above the earth, with all of your worldly belongings, expecting to survive at minus 30 degrees with zero oxygen?
I suggest you quit PH now because I for one am appalled by your 'contribution'.

From this week's Private Eye:

It was forever thus. The first 'sick' joke I remember was 'Apart from that Mrs. Kennedy, did you enjoy your visit to Dallas'?. from that point it continues.

Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?

[phazed]

Apart from that, Mr Churchill. How was the beach in Normandy?

[davhill]

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

[john2443]

My wife was arrested for defacing a library book, she Tippexed out all the full stops.

The judge said she should expect a long sentence.

[Blatter]

john2443 said:

My wife was arrested for defacing a library book, she Tippexed out all the full stops.

The judge said she should expect a long sentence.

That deserves a chuckle

[phazed]

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

[paua]

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Wipe the "mayo" out of yer aise, then you'll see.

[Doofus]

paua said:

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Wipe the "mayo" out of yer aise, then you'll see.

That hasn't helped.

[havoc]

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Say it in the voice of the italian captain from Allo Allo

[paua]

Doofus said:

paua said:

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Wipe the "mayo" out of yer aise, then you'll see.

That hasn't helped.

Jeezus weeps, it never does.
My Eyes have seen the glory of the cumming of the lord.
Now, where's that feeking cat ? I've got a large scalpel.

[SpeckledJim]

Doofus said:

paua said:

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Wipe the "mayo" out of yer aise, then you'll see.

That hasn't helped.

Try pronouncing mayonnaise with a comedy Harry Enfield Stavros accent. That might be enough to get you across the line.

[Lily the Pink]

SpeckledJim said:

Try pronouncing mayonnaise with a comedy Harry Enfield Stavros accent. That might be enough to get you across the line.

Not really worth it though, was it ?

[Doofus]

Of course, you have to know the original phrase first. I assume it's from the bible, and I've never heard it.

[ThunderSpook]

paua said:

phazed said:

davhill said:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mayonnaise."

"Mayonnaise who?"

"Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the
coming of the Lord."

Must be the way I'm pronouncing it, I don't get it......

Wipe the "mayo" out of yer aise, then you'll see.

That’s st.