Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Stardate 105.4.347 (yes, I realise some nerd will tell me it's wrong).
Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
shed driver said:
Stardate 75287.4 (yes, I realise some hero will tell me it's wrong).
Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
fixed for you Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
shed driver said:
Stardate 105.4.347 (yes, I realise some nerd will tell me it's wrong).
Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
How could the ship go faster than it's ever gone before while in orbit? What force would make the debris be ejected from the shuttle bay at high speed? Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
Pixelpeep 135 said:
shed driver said:
Stardate 75287.4 (yes, I realise some hero will tell me it's wrong).
Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
fixed for you Captain James T Kirk is on the bridge of the Enterprise when they are attacked by a massive Klingon spaceship. Phasers are useless, just bouncing off the shields. Desperately he orders a massive barrage of all the ship's weapons to be fired at once - still nothing on the enemy ship other than a slight scratch on the paint. And in true PH fashion, someone has to chime in "That will buff out" and posts a picture of some T-cut on the holo-deck.
"Spock! What can we do, is there any way we can survive?" says Kirk.
"Actually captain, I have an idea. Get Scotty and a few of his engineers to unbolt the fixtures in all the cabins and transfer them to the shuttle bay." Despite his misgivings, Kirk accedes to Spock's strange idea.
"Scotty - can you get the ship into an orbit around the nearest planet and accelerate to Warp 11?" Scotty thinks about it and obviously says "I dinnae think the engines can hold it captain, we've lost too many dilithium crystals. But I'll give it my best shot"
So, with the Enterprise in orbit around a planet, going faster than she's ever gone before the massive Klingon vessel moves behind her - effortlessly keeping pace. The Enterprise's phaser banks are exhausted. The shuttle bay is now stuffed with bedroom furniture unbolted by Scotties engineers, Spock gives the order - "open the shuttle bay on my mark. 3 -- 2 -- 1 --MARK!" A cloud of debris is ejected at high speed from the Enterprise.
A small, folding bed hits the Klingon vessel, and destroys it - instantly vapourising it.
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Klingon warship destroyed by Futon Torpedo."
SD.
that will go over some heads.
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