Celebrity road traffic lawyer Nick Freeman owns a Lexus SC430, so I can't be
too rude about it. Suffice it to say, the Japanese convertible is a strikingly
unoriginal design. The shape morphs an Audi TT with a Mercedes SL, retaining
none of the modernism of the former, or the elegance of the latter. The SC430
also adheres to Lexus' well-established tradition of total brand anonymity:
ensuring that no model looks even vaguely similar to any other model. As for the
coupe's road manners, reviewers unanimously agree that the SC's suspension is
harder than trigonometry- to no appreciable sporting effect. But I like the TV
ad.
A man cruises deserted streets in a silver SC430. Denying British customers a
chance to identify the strange-looking car's ethnicity, he motors into an empty
Italian piazza. When he gets out of his £50,850 import to buy some flowers,
swirling crowds appear. When re-enters his automotive sanctuary, the crowd
disappears. With startling honesty, the tag line informs us "It's How it
Makes You Feel Inside". Translation: We know this thing looks weird.
Forgeddaboutit-san. See it from the driver's perspective. When you get
behind the wheel of a meticulously crafted Lexus SC430, you'll feel safe, secure
and, yes, happy. We build this car for you, not "them".
Sure, Lexus' ad agency could have made the point more clearly. The car should
have sheltered our square-jawed hero from REAL urban stress. Let him negotiate a
diversion, a licence-menacing speed camera, half-finished and abandoned road
works (editing out the suspension crashes), white van man, and a scruffy scrote
threatening to dowse the windscreen with filthy suds. Let him emerge to a
traffic warden, a Big Issue salesman making passive/aggressive eye contact, and
a flower seller who sighs sarcastically when the driver tenders a fifty. Set the
whole thing to Anthony Newley's sickeningly catchy classic "Make the World
Go Away". Even the Metropolitan police would be tempted to add the SC430 to
their fleet.
The Japanese were seriously misguided to believe that snobby English
understatement somehow protects their ongoing upmarket brand aspirations. Still,
you've got to give them credit. Their timing is impeccable. I first encountered
the Lexus ad on the same night the BBC aired a documentary on six down-and-outs
who beat and robbed two young men, then threw their battered bodies into the
Thames. Which was one day before a train carriage body-slammed Potters Bar. If
Stephen "Can't Drive, Won't Drive" Byers wants to know why people
don't want to leave their [non-chauffeured] cars for public transport, or if
enthusiasts want to know why anyone would buy a two-door floaty-drifty barge
instead of a proper sports car, well, there's your answer. As the marketing men
will tell you, there's numbers in safety.
This vision of Lexus as nuclear bunker is both timely and defensible. Unlike
the sprog protecting fordmondeo and immortal Hyundai range, Lexus provide the
ergonomics and build quality to create the emotional responses their ads
promise. Every part of every one of their machines has been meticulously
engineered for visual and tactile reassurance. Vault-like door clunkery is a
given. Try the a/c button. It responds with a solid click, a subtle beep and an
instant yet measured rush of cold air. The radio has a large, non-fiddly volume
knob; it rotates with infinite precision. Volkswagen asks us to wonder what the
world would be like if everything worked like a Volkswagen. Lexus asks us, how
it would feel? Damn fine, I'd say.
Sports car lovers take note: this is not irrelevant. The need for safety,
serenity (focus, not boredom) and quality ergonomics is even greater in a high
performance machine. So who has it? Porsche? Despite years of complaints about
the quality of their switchgear, Stuttgart's switches are still only a small
step above an American rental car. FordAston? The Vanquish is a truly
magnificent beast, with Connelly craftsmanship aplenty, but the flimsy Mondeo-style
key shows they've still don't have their piggies in a row. BMW? iDrive, you
drive, what-the-Hell-do-I-do-now drive? Even the purists' M3 has gone
button-crazy. Mercedes? The amount of wind noise in an SL500 is a tremendous
leap backwards from the previous model's funereal hush. Audi? Close. Very close.
Ferrari? Far. Very far.
In fact, there isn't a single sports car sold today whose major controls
match the safe, accurate and pleasurable feedback of a Lexus. Pistonheads
concentrate on engine power
and throttle response, steering, gear change and braking. Fair enough. But in the long
term, Lexus is right. It's not only what the car does that's important; it's how
it makes you feel about what it does. A machine's value will ultimately
be determined by the emotional responses it creates. The Lexus SC430 may be ugly
and ungainly, but anyone who truly enjoys driving can only hope the Japanese
carcoon represents the future of performance motoring.
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