A year or so ago during a photoshoot in the Nevada desert, I was killing time while the snapper worked his magic by absent-mindedly clocking the procession of outsize pickups thundering past.
In the back of one was the bastard lovechild of a dune-buggy and a quad: the kind of machine that just screamed "fun!" A bit of research pointed me to the Polaris RZR and that, eventually, has led me to a muddy field near Hinckley. Glamorous.
You may already know the Polaris name. The company's 6-wheel drive Ranger is a favourite with farmers and greenkeepers, and PH editor Chris-R sampled one of the company's mental snowmobiles recently.
The RZR is trail-blazing a new genre. It's not a quad because they have handlebars and seat driver and passenger one behind the other. The RZR is a UTV or sideXside. As the name suggests, the driver and passenger are arranged as in a normal car. There is a steering wheel and pedals and the gear lever (linked to a CVT 'box) is also going to be familiar to car drivers. You get a fully-certified roll-cage, comfy seats and a three-point seatbelt to help avoid what's known as 'doing an Ozzy'.
The S version, which is what we are driving today, moves the game on even further. Whereas the original RZR was designed to use ATV tracks in the States with a 50-inch width restriction, the S is a full ten-inches wider for improved stability. Ground clearance is also increased to 12.5-inches thanks to high-spec Fox suspension that offers a massive 12-inches of travel.
Motive power comes from a 760cc liquid-cooled, two-cylinder four-stroke producing around 55bhp. That doesn't sound like much but is capable of propelling the 500kg Polaris to over 60mph.
Boss of UK Polaris specialists Adrenalin ATV, Andrew Shepherd, is a huge fan of the RZR and realises its potential for unlocking a new market. "We've had guys come in driving a Ferrari or a Porsche, have a ten minute blast on the RZR and buy one there and then.
"And they are incredibly durable, too. We haven't had any mechanical problems with them so far and as you are about to find out, they are tested fairly thoroughly!"
I'm given a quick introduction to the machine and the 5km off-road course by Adrenalin's resident Californian quad-racer, Brett Greenholz. I am strapped into the passenger seat and told to keep a firm grip on the T-handle that protrudes from the bulkhead in front of me - the 'sissy-bar'.
The first rule of engagement is to keep your mouth shut. Half a lap in and despite the lid and goggles I realise I haven''t eaten this much mud since I was five years old. But the truth is, it's bloody difficult to laugh hysterically with your mouth shut and no matter how hard I try, that's all I want to do.
We scamper through a deep bog that floods the footwell with muddy water and then up what feels like a near vertical hill. Incredibly, Brett leaves it in two-wheel drive but at the flick of a switch you can opt for four-wheel drive. If you feel like taking on the north face of the Eiger, you can also select low-ratio and lock up the diffs.
Some of the jumps and compressions look so severe I shut my eyes and wince in anticipation of a crushing impact that never arrives. The long-travel suspension just soaks it all up. The only machine that I can think of that tackles such extremes at comparable speeds is a Paris-Dakar racer.
Yet driving the RZR S is easy. Foot on the brake, twist the key, put it in D and floor the throttle. The vehicle leaps away from a standstill and only on the very steepest sections does it feel a little short of puff. I saw a shade over 80km/h on the clock on the long straight and I can confirm that 50mph over rough terrain feels plenty fast enough.
Fortunately the brakes are mighty powerful, even when caked in mud and even when you think enthusiasm has finally got the better of you, the Polaris just shrugs it off and looks after you. In two-wheel drive you can pitch it into epic drifts, too, and before the end of a third lap I've slipped into a kind of hysterical, mud-spattered euphoria.
According to Andrew, a racing quad would leave a tubby journo like me physically shattered after just one lap but the Polaris is an absolute doddle to drive - despite the manic arm-twirling.
In the UK, the UTV/ATV market is 90 per cent commercial, 10 per cent recreational, and Shepherd admits that the quad-biking fraternity has a bit of an image problem. However, the recreational market - and particularly sideXsides - is growing with the introduction of the RZR S and a plethora of rival high-performance UTVs are on the way. The power race is certain to heat up - Polaris itself has an in-house engine with three times the power at its disposal, while Adrenalin has carried out turbo upgrades on a number of RZRs.
You can buy a RZR S for £11,995 or get one road-ready for £13,995. Dip into the Polaris brochure and you can add a variety of roof and screen options, winches, spotlight-pods - even gun racks! I realise that £14k is quite a lot of money for what is ostensibly a big toy, but think of it this way: the RZR S is actually a budget way of getting the ultimate alternative garage. It's a bit like having a sports car, a serious off-roader and a competitive rally car all rolled into one compact, and very cool package.
Of all the cars I've tested over the years, the RZR S tops the lot when it comes to pure fun. If you get the chance, try one - you won't regret it. Now, I know it's only June but there's no harm in getting my request in early. "Dear Santa..."
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