Last week's Pill pairing of a brace of Rover 800s received a far warmer critical reception than office cynics expected them to. This week we're returning to more familiar ground with a Pill combining the carrot of 500hp, rear-wheel drive and a savage, rev-happy V10 engine with the stick of proven potential to deliver more bills than a William convention. Yep, it's an E60 BMW M5 and, to the surprise of the database rodents, it is the first Pill has featured.
We're about two minutes to midnight on the combustion engine clock, yet even with the end in sight it is surprising that no major engine cylinder configuration has yet become extinct. True, there are no straight eights any more, and some other oddball pre-war offerings have never been replaced. But the world still contains such compelling oddballs as the V10. But it won't for much longer: the Audi R8 and Lamborghini Huracan are both on the slide to retirement.
Yet if only one V10-powered car was to be placed into a future Museum of Environmental Hatecrime you could make an excellent case for picking the E60 M5 in place of the more glamourous supercars; this really was about as mad as the early 21st century car industry got. In the noughties V10s seemed to be cropping up almost everywhere, with Audi using them for the more senior S and RS models and Volkswagen even jumping the shark with its V10 TDI. So it wasn't surprising that when BMW replaced the sublime V8-powered E39 M5 it did so with a new car featuring two more cylinders and a substantial power upgrade.
But this couldn't come from forced induction. BMW's M Division wrote its own rules in those days, with the biggest ones pretty much carved in stone: no turbochargers, no automatic gearboxes, only rear-wheel drive. (Hindsight plays a sad trombone at this point.) The 5.0-litre V10 that was developed was a technical masterpiece, but it was also a deeply unlikely powerplant for a large saloon, making its peak torque at 6,100rpm and delivering maximum power just 500rpm shy of its 8,250rpm limiter. That's because, to the M Division of that era, driveability was less important than outright performance.
To prove this point BMW laid on a runway on the original press launch, letting journalists perform a full launch control start and giving them strict instructions not to lift until the 'brake here' boards at the far end. By the time these flashed pat the car was sitting on its limiter at an indicated 165mph and there was a distinct lack of tarmac remaining. Media events were different in those days.
The E60's transmission choice was similarly performance focussed. The E39 M5's six-speed manual had been a bar to sales in those parts of the world too dumb to operate clutch pedals, and the E60 was shifted to an automated single clutch gearbox (a manual was later offered too, but never in the UK.) The SMT was certainly better than many of its rat trap rivals, offering varying degrees of shift severity, but even in the gentlest of these it was still abrupt and lurch-prone compared to a torque converter, or a more modern double-clutch transmission. Yes, you quickly get used to it. But when I drove BMW's own immaculately preserved E60 M5 a couple of years ago, the first I'd experienced since the car was on sale, it was the area in which it felt most dated.
Yet, gearbox aside, contemporary press reviews glowed with radioactive intensity. The E60's chassis was brilliant - firmer than the E39, but not uncomfortably so, and with a precision that made its predecessor feel a little lardy. The steering was outstanding, too - sniper accurate and rich in feedback, giving the confidence in the front end required to exploit the ability to radically adjust the rear axle's cornering attitude using the power. It was good enough to earn a pass for some pretty obvious flaws, like the V10's diesel-like clatter when cold and frequently abysmal fuel economy. Also the fact that, like every other E60, the interior featured more black plastic than a low-rent S&M convention.
These were niggles, but a multitude of more serious problems emerged as the M5 grew older. The biggest - grab a clove of garlic here - the infamous risk of rod bearing failure. The tightness of the highly strung engine's tolerances meant the conrod bearings could wear excessively if the motor was revved hard before it had fully warmed through. Something which could lead to sudden, catastrophic failure of both V10 and - shortly afterwards - savings accounts. The SMG can create some substantial invoices, too - with the common failure of the hydraulic pump that powers it alongside high clutch consumption.
But the E60 M5's biggest issue was probably the same one that had dogged its predecessors: acute depreciation that dropped values to the point where optimists were soon trying to run them on tight budgets. Something that would often lead to a cycle of break-and-bodge as owners patched up their cars at the lowest cost and passed them on like fizzing grenades.
Yet as numbers have thinned out, the outlook has changed. Even with its mechanical issues priced in, the E60 M5 still looks like a highlight of its overpowered era, and values have started to rise to the extent that fresher and nicer examples are frequently being offered for more than the faster, but less charismatic, turbocharged F10 version. Which is why this one stood out - the cheapest E60 M5 currently in the classifieds - a £14,695 price tag making it barely half as much as some of the nicer, pricier examples.
That valuation is likely due to having covered 123,000 miles in the care of eight owners, with the odometer score borne out by some obviously worn trim; the soft-touch coating BMW used in this era seems particularly prone to wearing off. But it has what seems like a full set of options, including the roll-fighting adaptive seat bolsters and head-up display. The advert makes no mention of service history, but the MOT record is reassuringly green with a succession of clean passes, the most recent in January. The last advisory was worn tyres in 2015, the last failure a wobbly track-rod end back in 2011. It also seems to be being sold with one of the 'M5' private registrations that seemed almost compulsory when the car was new, so if your initials are GUC that's a bonus.
E60 M5s have been cheaper, but it seems unlikely that values will fall back too far given the obvious limitation on supply as demand rises. Our Pill will never be worth as much as a minty low mileage example, but neither should its next owner be afraid to add some more miles to its already impressive tally, and to exploit its ability to turn fuel into noise, G-forces and single digit MPG scores.
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