Advice For a "Friend"
Discussion
A "friend" is currently going out with a single mum of 2.
Her previous relationship was with a psychotic guy who when she ended it with him, locked her in her house, smashed all her phones & battered her un-conscious into a pool of her own blood.
He was charged & told to stay away from her.
Subsequently this ex got a new job@ the other end of the country. Result!
My "friend" came along, got to know this girl & decided he really likes her, he took her for who she is, (a great person).
However things have taken a turn for the worse this week.
His girlfriend currently has a police panic alarm fitted so that if anything does "happen" the police will be there in a couple of minutes.
The last few weeks some odd things have been happening in her road.
Someone tried to break into her house, she turned the lights on and this person ran off.
She went back to sleep again only to be awoken 15mins later by the dog barking.
Someone was trying her front door again.
This happened again & she ended up having a sleepless night.
Her neighbours confirmed there was "somebody" about that night as they heard something too.
A couple of nights ago, there was a strange car pull up in the cul-de-sac, somebody was rifling through the bins of about 4 houses.
She awoke (my friend was still asleep) & looked out the window, walking up the steps towards her house & the 3 others was a person, she went downstairs, turned the light on and this person walked back to their car and drove off.
This has all been happening at about 1.30am.
Yesterday she reported it to the police and her domestic violence officer who think it's all too much of a coincidence.
They asked her to fill out a load of forms & pull together all her paperwork from the domestic violence case and write a big letter explaining everything thats happened and they can try and re-house her.
She will then be on the top band of people to be re-housed.
She kind of broke down last night & told my friend she does'nt have anymore fight left in her & she needs a fresh start with the kids.
She also said my friend could go with her if he wanted too.
She's been really strogn and held it together until now when she had to re-read all the documents etc & i think it's broken he.
I know my friend is completely gutted at the thought of her possibly being moved 150 miles away which is a fairly reasonable possiblity.
He feel's helpless as theres nothing he can do except support her from a boyfriend perspective.
I know he's asked his friends for advice but i'm looking from an independant persons view on what he should do?
Stick with her? Get out?
Her previous relationship was with a psychotic guy who when she ended it with him, locked her in her house, smashed all her phones & battered her un-conscious into a pool of her own blood.
He was charged & told to stay away from her.
Subsequently this ex got a new job@ the other end of the country. Result!
My "friend" came along, got to know this girl & decided he really likes her, he took her for who she is, (a great person).
However things have taken a turn for the worse this week.
His girlfriend currently has a police panic alarm fitted so that if anything does "happen" the police will be there in a couple of minutes.
The last few weeks some odd things have been happening in her road.
Someone tried to break into her house, she turned the lights on and this person ran off.
She went back to sleep again only to be awoken 15mins later by the dog barking.
Someone was trying her front door again.
This happened again & she ended up having a sleepless night.
Her neighbours confirmed there was "somebody" about that night as they heard something too.
A couple of nights ago, there was a strange car pull up in the cul-de-sac, somebody was rifling through the bins of about 4 houses.
She awoke (my friend was still asleep) & looked out the window, walking up the steps towards her house & the 3 others was a person, she went downstairs, turned the light on and this person walked back to their car and drove off.
This has all been happening at about 1.30am.
Yesterday she reported it to the police and her domestic violence officer who think it's all too much of a coincidence.
They asked her to fill out a load of forms & pull together all her paperwork from the domestic violence case and write a big letter explaining everything thats happened and they can try and re-house her.
She will then be on the top band of people to be re-housed.
She kind of broke down last night & told my friend she does'nt have anymore fight left in her & she needs a fresh start with the kids.
She also said my friend could go with her if he wanted too.
She's been really strogn and held it together until now when she had to re-read all the documents etc & i think it's broken he.
I know my friend is completely gutted at the thought of her possibly being moved 150 miles away which is a fairly reasonable possiblity.
He feel's helpless as theres nothing he can do except support her from a boyfriend perspective.
I know he's asked his friends for advice but i'm looking from an independant persons view on what he should do?
Stick with her? Get out?
Get a group of friends to find this person if it happens again?
if they catch the Ex, then ring the police.
On another note....
Its his choice as to whether he stays or goes..... I went with my Ex from Yorkshire to London and left everything, best choice I ever did... we lasted 2 weeks together after moving down and I knew noone and I have not regretted the last 3 years here at all....
if they catch the Ex, then ring the police.
On another note....
Its his choice as to whether he stays or goes..... I went with my Ex from Yorkshire to London and left everything, best choice I ever did... we lasted 2 weeks together after moving down and I knew noone and I have not regretted the last 3 years here at all....
Oh, and if you like her this much, stick with her. If you are going to break up with her, now really is not the time to do it - it sounds cold, but get her through the move, help her settle down; if the distance is then too much, that's a god reason to end it then. She'll need you in the meantime.
The move isn't a definite yet, but it's a high possibility.
It'd only be a couple of counties along but it's still not something he wants to think about.
He likes her a lot and i know she likes him a lot.
The ex bf of hers started a job where he was posted a long distance away (opposite end of the country) & is a resident nutter & now an almost trained killing machine.
(When arrested it took 6 officers to arrest him).
My friend would do anything for her and the last thign he wants to do or is even thining about is finishing with her.
It'd only be a couple of counties along but it's still not something he wants to think about.
He likes her a lot and i know she likes him a lot.
The ex bf of hers started a job where he was posted a long distance away (opposite end of the country) & is a resident nutter & now an almost trained killing machine.
(When arrested it took 6 officers to arrest him).
My friend would do anything for her and the last thign he wants to do or is even thining about is finishing with her.
lawrence567 said:
The move isn't a definite yet, but it's a high possibility.
It'd only be a couple of counties along but it's still not something he wants to think about.
He likes her a lot and i know she likes him a lot.
The ex bf of hers started a job where he was posted a long distance away (opposite end of the country) & is a resident nutter & now an almost trained killing machine.
(When arrested it took 6 officers to arrest him).
My friend would do anything for her and the last thign he wants to do or is even thining about is finishing with her.
So then weigh up moving with her and also not moving with her.... if the moving has more plus points then go and if not then dont...It'd only be a couple of counties along but it's still not something he wants to think about.
He likes her a lot and i know she likes him a lot.
The ex bf of hers started a job where he was posted a long distance away (opposite end of the country) & is a resident nutter & now an almost trained killing machine.
(When arrested it took 6 officers to arrest him).
My friend would do anything for her and the last thign he wants to do or is even thining about is finishing with her.
Or just do what the gut instinct says and then deal with the s
t storm if and when it happens
bonsai said:
So how then has this nutter found her at the other end of the country (if it is indeed him)? Surely she hasn't been silly enough to contact anyone from her previous life who would then reveal her whereabouts to this bloke?
She's a single mum of 2 young children, she can't move as she can't afford to put a deposit & first months rent down on a new place.Hence why she's on the re-housing register.
The Ex bf used to live in the same town as us and knows where she lives.
He's currently in the forces (being trained) & has a few friends down here still.
She originally did'nt want to run away from it all as she wanted to stand up and fight it, but after losing her job & the various incidents happening over the last week she's had enough.
http://www.screwfix.com/prods/70175/Security/CCTV/...
Few quid well spent I would have thought. Rig it up to some sort of recorder, and pass the tape to the police if it turns out to be scumbag.
Few quid well spent I would have thought. Rig it up to some sort of recorder, and pass the tape to the police if it turns out to be scumbag.
This one's very good - all built in too, gives a high quality photo image day and night. Cheaper video systems don't have very good resolution.
http://www.quicksafe.co.uk/cctv-security-flood-lig...
Apart from rigging a CCTV, which would be a good idea, I can't suggest too much else. Having a potentially violent nutter lurking about must be a nightmare.
Horrible for your friend Lawrence.
Has she considered contacting 'Refuge'?
As for suggesting matters taken into own hands via 'friends' I do not think this is a constructive approach.... I fear it would make matters significantly worse and endanger her more (revenge).
CCTV is a good idea - would be great for identifying the person - and, it might not actually be the ex.
Has she considered contacting 'Refuge'?
As for suggesting matters taken into own hands via 'friends' I do not think this is a constructive approach.... I fear it would make matters significantly worse and endanger her more (revenge).
CCTV is a good idea - would be great for identifying the person - and, it might not actually be the ex.
CCTV is the next step, before / afte hopefully persuading her to move within the local area.
This blokes up Necastle way but is a bit of a loose cannon & does'nt really have anything to lose.
I think its just a big co-incidence but the police & domestic violence officer have made it out to be a lot worse!
I think i'm more worried than her to be honest!
She's had a lot of st to deal with & i don't think i'd have coped half as well as her!
This blokes up Necastle way but is a bit of a loose cannon & does'nt really have anything to lose.
I think its just a big co-incidence but the police & domestic violence officer have made it out to be a lot worse!
I think i'm more worried than her to be honest!
She's had a lot of s
t to deal with & i don't think i'd have coped half as well as her!Justayellowbadge said:
lawrence567 said:
He's currently in the forces (being trained) & has a few friends down here still.
I'm no expert, but don't the forces take a dim view of such actions and have their own internal procedures for dealing with it?Anything that brings the 'Forces into disrepute' is stamped on heavily and swiftly.
Justayellowbadge said:
lawrence567 said:
He's currently in the forces (being trained) & has a few friends down here still.
I'm no expert, but don't the forces take a dim view of such actions and have their own internal procedures for dealing with it?Justayellowbadge said:
lawrence567 said:
He's currently in the forces (being trained) & has a few friends down here still.
I'm no expert, but don't the forces take a dim view of such actions and have their own internal procedures for dealing with it?Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff