Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

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RizzoTheRat

25,290 posts

194 months

Saturday 18th November 2023
quotequote all
My Mrs talking to a friend of hers this evening on how she met her husband.

Friend: We met in a bar in Amsterdam, he was performing.
Mrs: What does he do?
Friend: He's an accountant.

rofl

CanAm

9,329 posts

274 months

Sunday 19th November 2023
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HTP99 said:
The wife is making rocky road, as she's putting the chocolate and butter in a saucepan to melt, I ask:

Me: aren't you supposed to do that in a bain-marie?
Her: yeahh but that takes ages....................whats a bain-marie?

Edited by HTP99 on Saturday 18th November 13:38
A friend of my daughter’s was doing something similar. She was told to use the bain-Marie method, so boiled the water in a saucepan.....then carefully dropped the chunks of chocolate into it.

Pit Pony

8,809 posts

123 months

Sunday 19th November 2023
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Celtic Dragon said:
CanAm said:
Me:- (on the phone), “Hello mum!”

Mother:- “Who’s speaking?”

(I’m an only child)
Don’t worry you’re not alone, mines done that to me too! Like you, I’m an only child.
If the answer "Me"

She will say "Right, Well I'm.glad you phoned because I've got a job I want you to do"

(I'm.the youngest of 4)

PositronicRay

27,112 posts

185 months

Sunday 19th November 2023
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Celtic Dragon said:
CanAm said:
Me:- (on the phone), “Hello mum!”

Mother:- “Who’s speaking?”

(I’m an only child)
Don’t worry you’re not alone, mines done that to me too! Like you, I’m an only child.
Sensible, if you hang up she'll know you're a scammer.

Red 5

1,068 posts

182 months

Sunday 19th November 2023
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I was leaving the room the other day, when I heard her exclaim that perhaps the door could be ‘more ajar please’
The door was open 200-300mm as I had left it.
I wasn’t sure which way to move the door, as I had never previously considered ajar +/-


Caddyshack

11,002 posts

208 months

Sunday 19th November 2023
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trails said:
wolfracesonic said:
trails said:
skilly1 said:
Hoovers broken, apparently water just started pouring out of it and she’s no idea why.

I’ve quizzed her what was happening at the time of hoovering, but apparently nothing unusual and the hoover must be faulty.

Gremlins. It's never the fault of the operator/last person to use the device.
I think skilly needs to do more questioning here, what do we think? The Mrs unknown mystery person using Henry to unblock a drain, clean up a spill?
Whilst fortune favours the brave, in this instance I'd be adopting the pragmatic approach and just accept Henrys fate. Maybe with a wry smile biggrin
I have a mother-in-law like this, I think she must have been brought up to hide weakness or that a mistake is a bad thing as she makes up very elaborate lies that are obvious than admit to an error.

She obviously gut a kerb in her car the other day, you could see the bulge. Her story was that she looked out the window and saw a man fiddling with her tyre and he ran away, could I check it to see if he had caused any damage.???

john_1983

1,424 posts

150 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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The house across the road has scaffolding across the front of it at the moment. I wasn't sure what was happening (roof repairs etc), and was idly looking out of the window when the penny dropped; they are getting solar panels fitted.

At that point Mrs John asked why the workmen were carrying TVs up the scaffolding.

CivicDuties

4,980 posts

32 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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john_1983 said:
The house across the road has scaffolding across the front of it at the moment. I wasn't sure what was happening (roof repairs etc), and was idly looking out of the window when the penny dropped; they are getting solar panels fitted.

At that point Mrs John asked why the workmen were carrying TVs up the scaffolding.
Advertising boards for passing aircraft passengers to see, is the obvious answer to that one.

5 In a Row

1,512 posts

229 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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Red 5 said:
I was leaving the room the other day, when I heard her exclaim that perhaps the door could be ‘more ajar please’
The door was open 200-300mm as I had left it.
I wasn’t sure which way to move the door, as I had never previously considered ajar +/-
When is a door not a door?

When it's a jar.

Apologies, I think I've turned into my Dad biggrin

AlexC1981

4,943 posts

219 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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RizzoTheRat said:
My Mrs talking to a friend of hers this evening on how she met her husband.

Friend: We met in a bar in Amsterdam, he was performing.
Mrs: What does he do?
Friend: He's an accountant.

rofl
A "spicy accountant" is someone who sells nude photos/clips of themselves hehe

Vipers

32,943 posts

230 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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How do their little grey cells work.

Helping er’ in doors put a fitted sheet over the bed mattress, and the sheet is quite big.

She says “Oh not that one it’s too big”

I said “Well if you can’t use it, throw it away”.

She says “Oh no, I may need it later”………

bimsb6

8,052 posts

223 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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Vipers said:
How do their little grey cells work.

Helping er’ in doors put a fitted sheet over the bed mattress, and the sheet is quite big.

She says “Oh not that one it’s too big”

I said “Well if you can’t use it, throw it away”.

She says “Oh no, I may need it later”………
They make great motorcycle dust sheets .

PositronicRay

27,112 posts

185 months

Monday 20th November 2023
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bimsb6 said:
Vipers said:
How do their little grey cells work.

Helping er’ in doors put a fitted sheet over the bed mattress, and the sheet is quite big.

She says “Oh not that one it’s too big”

I said “Well if you can’t use it, throw it away”.

She says “Oh no, I may need it later”………
They make great motorcycle dust sheets .
What wives? Do they knit them?

Pit Pony

8,809 posts

123 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
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Is this thread supposed to be funny?

This is classic from my Wife last night who was screaming at me

"I hate you, I wish you'd leave I don't to ever see you again"

I'm pretty sure that she meant it.

It always happens when her chronic fatigue kicks in....

Tyre Tread

10,542 posts

218 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
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Pit Pony said:
Is this thread supposed to be funny?

This is classic from my Wife last night who was screaming at me

"I hate you, I wish you'd leave I don't to ever see you again"

I'm pretty sure that she meant it.

It always happens when her chronic fatigue kicks in....
I'm sorry you feel that way hunny but remember the exit door works for both of us. Would you like help packing?

g3org3y

20,681 posts

193 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
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Pit Pony said:
Is this thread supposed to be funny?

This is classic from my Wife last night who was screaming at me

"I hate you, I wish you'd leave I don't to ever see you again"

I'm pretty sure that she meant it.

It always happens when her chronic fatigue kicks in....
Convenient excuse is convenient. scratchchin

Not the first time I've seen you post stuff like this Pit Pony. Sorry to hear you going through it. frown

Vipers

32,943 posts

230 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
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bimsb6 said:
Vipers said:
How do their little grey cells work.

Helping er’ in doors put a fitted sheet over the bed mattress, and the sheet is quite big.

She says “Oh not that one it’s too big”

I said “Well if you can’t use it, throw it away”.

She says “Oh no, I may need it later”………
They make great motorcycle dust sheets .

Now I know that, makes me wish I had kept the beeza.

Bowside

2,045 posts

234 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
quotequote all
Pit Pony said:
Is this thread supposed to be funny?

This is classic from my Wife last night who was screaming at me

"I hate you, I wish you'd leave I don't to ever see you again"

I'm pretty sure that she meant it.

It always happens when her chronic fatigue kicks in....
You're not alone, but it is exhausting isn't it.

Not quite the same thing, but to demonstrate the stupid way her indoors' brain works. On Sunday I foolishly mentioned that a few years ago the combi oven/microwave broke and had to be replaced under warranty( as the kids were asking about reliability of things).

To which she goes "Oh yes, you broke it by putting something metal in it didn't you"
Me: "Er, no I didn't, the inverter failed and had to be replaced under warranty, they don't replace tings for free if you break them"
Her: "You definitely did that because it became less efficient afterwards"
Me: {trying to work out how a microwave becomes less efficient} "NO, it had a failed part"
Her: "Lets agree to disagree"
Me: "No, lets agree you are mistaken and like a normal person, perhaps you could just say that you must have been mistaken, given that I clearly am not going to argue this much if I'd broken the damn thing"

Silence then follows for the rest of the evening, whilst she tries to work out how to compute being wrong, whilst at the same time not being able to cope with being wrong and needing to find away to pretend she is right.

hurstg01

2,922 posts

245 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
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I’m in the lounge, tele is on, I’m on my phone listening to whatever program is on in the background. We have 3 spotlights on in the corner and one on near the tele. Wife is leaving the house to take the dog for a walk and decides, without asking, to turn off all the lights bar the one by the tele before leaving the house, without asking if I need them on or not….

Apparently I’m the rude one for calling her out on it..

Different species sometimes….

bimsb6

8,052 posts

223 months

Tuesday 21st November 2023
quotequote all
Vipers said:
bimsb6 said:
Vipers said:
How do their little grey cells work.

Helping er’ in doors put a fitted sheet over the bed mattress, and the sheet is quite big.

She says “Oh not that one it’s too big”

I said “Well if you can’t use it, throw it away”.

She says “Oh no, I may need it later”………
They make great motorcycle dust sheets .

Now I know that, makes me wish I had kept the beeza.
They soak up oil aswell .