Growing the family - with a large(ish) age gap
Discussion
You really both need to want it IMO. It's an extra level of hassle just as the older ones are really starting to find their feet but still need ferrying about. Baby car seats are huge so you're looking at an MPV, hotel rooms become a pain, taxis are often not big enough, three schools, so 3 school runs and just as the older ones might need taking places in the evening you need one at home sleeping.
Seems like a massive ball ache to me!
Seems like a massive ball ache to me!
I am 52 and have a 24 year old and 20 year old from a previous marriage.
I also now have a 4 year old plus a 12 yo step son. As a previous poster intimated the older 2 were / are less bothered as they are at different life stages.
The younger siblings get on like a house on fire and as mentioned I'm pretty certain its aided her development trying to do everything her brother can even though he's 8 years older.
Just to complicate things further I am now a Grandad to an 18 month old and newborn. The upshot being at least there are kids in the family closer to her own age for her to play with well Mother more like.
I'm a busy Dad / Grandad there's no doubt about that but I love it all to be honest. No greater privilege than seeing a little one grow and develop knowing you've played such a big part in it.
I also now have a 4 year old plus a 12 yo step son. As a previous poster intimated the older 2 were / are less bothered as they are at different life stages.
The younger siblings get on like a house on fire and as mentioned I'm pretty certain its aided her development trying to do everything her brother can even though he's 8 years older.
Just to complicate things further I am now a Grandad to an 18 month old and newborn. The upshot being at least there are kids in the family closer to her own age for her to play with well Mother more like.
I'm a busy Dad / Grandad there's no doubt about that but I love it all to be honest. No greater privilege than seeing a little one grow and develop knowing you've played such a big part in it.
I'm 11 years older than my youngest sister and it seemed to work out OK.
You end up being half sibling and half baby sitter really, and I often collected her from school but I spent a fair amount of time playing games she wanted to play so it wasn't like she had no playtime. I probably played with her more than my Brother did actually, who is five years younger than me so not sure it all comes down to age gap.
You end up being half sibling and half baby sitter really, and I often collected her from school but I spent a fair amount of time playing games she wanted to play so it wasn't like she had no playtime. I probably played with her more than my Brother did actually, who is five years younger than me so not sure it all comes down to age gap.
There are women over 40 having children but I suspect not that many with their own eggs. My wife was 40 when we had our daughter and we started trying for a second as soon as she stopped breastfeeding as doctor warned us the fertility drops rapidly after 40. It didn’t work for us. So if you want a second naturally I suggest you start trying soon.
When she was born my wife’s sisters were 18, 16, 10 and 8. It took until she had children of her own before she felt as though she was anything other than an only child. This was compounded by the others being 2 and 2 if you see what I mean.
Her mum was 41 at the time in an era when older mums were unusual
Her mum was 41 at the time in an era when older mums were unusual
My 2 sisters were/are 15 and 17 years older than me. There are pictures of them holding me as a baby but as they were away with school and then work I grew up effectively as an only child.
I think I've turned out reasonably normal but certainly never had the sort of relationship that you would call normal..More like having 3 mothers at times. I'm much closer in age to my nephews and niece.
If you like the thought of bringing up another child I would definitely do it.
I think I've turned out reasonably normal but certainly never had the sort of relationship that you would call normal..More like having 3 mothers at times. I'm much closer in age to my nephews and niece.
If you like the thought of bringing up another child I would definitely do it.
We're all older than you now, but Mrs QQ, Little QQ1 and Little QQ2 were exactly the same age when she was pregnant with Little QQ3. I'm a few years younger than Mrs QQ so I was younger than you are now by some margin! By the time Little QQ3 was born, Mrs QQ was 42, and Little QQ1 and Little QQ2 were still 10 and 12. That was nearly 13 years ago now, Little QQ3 will be 13 in September and Mrs QQ was 55 a couple of weeks ago. We also had the added complication that we're blended family and Little QQs 1 and 2 are actually my stepsons. Despite the age gap and the parental mix, the children are all absolutely devoted to each other and see each other as nothing but siblings. They all look out for each other and are constantly in each others' thoughts. The boys are now 23 and 25, will be 24 and 26 before Christmas, and they have doted on their little sister since the day she was born.
The pregnancy wasn't easy, we were very lucky in the to not have any further problems, and we had a bit of a rebellion by the eldest initially when we first announced the pregnancy due to the step-parentage issue, so not everything is going to be all fun and roses. However, there hasn't been a single second any of us have ever thought anything other than this being the best thing we ever did for our family. It has "completed" us and bonded us even closer together. But, and here's the big but, do bear in mind the risks of pregnancy at an older age very carefully; they're not unsubstantial or inconsequential. Also consider how you would proceed should one of those risks come to pass; would you continue with a pregnancy under those circumstances? Would you both be in 100% agreement? Those are really important things you need to discuss before going down this route, and being in agreement as a couple is the single most important thing at all stages.
I can't give you any more advice than that really. At exactly the same ages for Mrs QQ, Little QQ1 and Little QQ2, things turned out to be perfect for us, but that's not a guarantee that they will for you too. However, at least it's an example that it can definitely work out absolutely fine. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
The pregnancy wasn't easy, we were very lucky in the to not have any further problems, and we had a bit of a rebellion by the eldest initially when we first announced the pregnancy due to the step-parentage issue, so not everything is going to be all fun and roses. However, there hasn't been a single second any of us have ever thought anything other than this being the best thing we ever did for our family. It has "completed" us and bonded us even closer together. But, and here's the big but, do bear in mind the risks of pregnancy at an older age very carefully; they're not unsubstantial or inconsequential. Also consider how you would proceed should one of those risks come to pass; would you continue with a pregnancy under those circumstances? Would you both be in 100% agreement? Those are really important things you need to discuss before going down this route, and being in agreement as a couple is the single most important thing at all stages.
I can't give you any more advice than that really. At exactly the same ages for Mrs QQ, Little QQ1 and Little QQ2, things turned out to be perfect for us, but that's not a guarantee that they will for you too. However, at least it's an example that it can definitely work out absolutely fine. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Douglas Quaid said:
All the people I know that were only children have developed into slightly odd adults. Have another one. Give your child a sibling so they have someone when you’re dead.
Won’t they have a family of their own by then? All the people I know that are only children are the least odd in many ways. 
I’m 66 and my eldest brother will be 86 this year.
7 kids and two have passed away.
Mum was 39 when she had me and dad was 48. Dad wasn’t interested to be honest,he never interacted with me.
When I was just leaving school dad was retiring so we were both going through personal transition without consciously knowing it I think and it caused serious meltdowns between us.
I’m not close to any of my siblings . Yes it was like being an only child.
I have two children I had when I was 25 and 27.
I divorced at 44 years of age then met someone with no children who was 40. She is now my wife but we decided not to try for kids for a few reasons.
1. Early in our relationship
2. Risk of a downs child.
3. I would have had to have had the snip reversed.
4. We were having a great time and didn’t want to spoil it.
Shame in some ways as my wife would have made a wonderful mother.
7 kids and two have passed away.
Mum was 39 when she had me and dad was 48. Dad wasn’t interested to be honest,he never interacted with me.
When I was just leaving school dad was retiring so we were both going through personal transition without consciously knowing it I think and it caused serious meltdowns between us.
I’m not close to any of my siblings . Yes it was like being an only child.
I have two children I had when I was 25 and 27.
I divorced at 44 years of age then met someone with no children who was 40. She is now my wife but we decided not to try for kids for a few reasons.
1. Early in our relationship
2. Risk of a downs child.
3. I would have had to have had the snip reversed.
4. We were having a great time and didn’t want to spoil it.
Shame in some ways as my wife would have made a wonderful mother.
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