Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed
Discussion
JustinP1 said:
I have nothing to add, but just wanted to say well done the boss. You've handled this in a calm way which has certainly meant that your final outcome will be better.
Thanks, but I don't want everyone to think I've been calm all the time. Thursday through Saturday I didn't know what day it was, wasn't eating/drinking/sleeping, constantly at a total loss, angry, tearful etc. It was utter hell for a few days.Only now do I feel like I have calmed down considerably and thanks in many respects to the kind of support shown here on PH and a few close friends and relatives.
theboss said:
Thursday through Saturday I didn't know what day it was, wasn't eating/drinking/sleeping, constantly at a total loss, angry, tearful etc. It was utter hell for a few days.
It's totally sh
tty but normal. The emotional rollercoaster will last for a while yet but gets calmer all the while particularly when planning ahead, retaining a sense of control and self-worth etc. It's also entirely usual for the digestive system to basically shut down under that kind of stress. That will also return to normal.Pecker up (advice not needed based on earlier posts
but you know what I mean).Been watching this thread with interest. Six Years ago I was in exactly the same situation as yourself, except I didn't know she had been cheating for 18mths (maybe longer!) and with multiple cheaters. One thing I have learn't is once a cheat always a cheat....
A number of other items to note....
1) The Bank wont let you take her name of a joint account until it's in the Black. If you have an overdraft, then you have to clear it before removing her. The debt is also her's....
2) That's the same for all credit cards, car loans, other loans, and indeed any other debt. When the time comes to divorce, the courts will want to see all the debts dealt with.
3) Child Maintenance. Are you sure that only decalring your income and Divi's is enough! You should be putting your gross weekly rate excluding VAT into the calculator. Whilst your a Ltd company, you will be "judged" on your weekly rate.
4) Make sure she doesn't stitch you up with costs. Her solicitor will be after as much as possible. He/She will want you to take liability for all the debts etc, you'll need to negotiate these down. Luckily you dont have a property because she would have got 60% of it.
5) Do not accept any matromonial maintenance!
6) Make sure you agree a clean financial break! No come back then if you win the lottery!
7) As mentioned before. Move your contracts to a new a Ltd company, run the old one down.
8) DO NOT argue or let relationships break down as far as they have too. Always think of the Kids. Let her be the one to Bad Mouth you, don't do it back. Remain on the morale higher ground. Your Stuck with her for the rest of your life unfortunately, no matter how much you don't want to be.
9) When it comes to divorce and solicitors, sort as much out as you can between yourselves amicably. No matter how angry you are and no matter how much you want to screw her over, it will only cost YOU money. The Solicitors love a fight and will be poking her to cause arguments. It only benefits them. They will charge you for EVERY email. Every letter. £20quid for reading a 2 line email!!!!!
10) Finally, when it comes down to it, you want to get out of this with yourself and your children in as a good a mental place as your allowed by her actions.... it HURTS! Mentally and Finacially! DOn't make it hurt too much...
Good luck
A number of other items to note....
1) The Bank wont let you take her name of a joint account until it's in the Black. If you have an overdraft, then you have to clear it before removing her. The debt is also her's....
2) That's the same for all credit cards, car loans, other loans, and indeed any other debt. When the time comes to divorce, the courts will want to see all the debts dealt with.
3) Child Maintenance. Are you sure that only decalring your income and Divi's is enough! You should be putting your gross weekly rate excluding VAT into the calculator. Whilst your a Ltd company, you will be "judged" on your weekly rate.
4) Make sure she doesn't stitch you up with costs. Her solicitor will be after as much as possible. He/She will want you to take liability for all the debts etc, you'll need to negotiate these down. Luckily you dont have a property because she would have got 60% of it.
5) Do not accept any matromonial maintenance!
6) Make sure you agree a clean financial break! No come back then if you win the lottery!
7) As mentioned before. Move your contracts to a new a Ltd company, run the old one down.
8) DO NOT argue or let relationships break down as far as they have too. Always think of the Kids. Let her be the one to Bad Mouth you, don't do it back. Remain on the morale higher ground. Your Stuck with her for the rest of your life unfortunately, no matter how much you don't want to be.
9) When it comes to divorce and solicitors, sort as much out as you can between yourselves amicably. No matter how angry you are and no matter how much you want to screw her over, it will only cost YOU money. The Solicitors love a fight and will be poking her to cause arguments. It only benefits them. They will charge you for EVERY email. Every letter. £20quid for reading a 2 line email!!!!!
10) Finally, when it comes down to it, you want to get out of this with yourself and your children in as a good a mental place as your allowed by her actions.... it HURTS! Mentally and Finacially! DOn't make it hurt too much...
Good luck
I wasn't going to jump in on this, as on the whole you've been getting good advice;
having been through this myself (and in almost identical circumstances, I'll offer my 2p
from the previous post;
9) When it comes to divorce and solicitors, sort as much out as you can between yourselves amicably. No matter how angry you are and no matter how much you want to screw her over, it will only cost YOU money. The Solicitors love a fight and will be poking her to cause arguments. It only benefits them. They will charge you for EVERY email. Every letter. £20quid for reading a 2 line email!!!!!
This - I found out the hard way a pretty 'normal' divorce ran into the 25-30K bracket for me. Yes, the solicitors were good, but it nearly bloody killed me financially - as above EVERYTHING they do costs... no such thing as a free lunch I'm afraid.
I'm in a similar situation as you are form an employment perspective.
Whatever she may think, only the income you actually take will be taken into account (salary, divi's etc) - you will have to provide company accounts for this, including your own personal bank statements. Obviously, you'll have an accountant who can furnish you with the relevant details.
My only further advice would be chin up - it's bloody traumatic when it happens, but it does pass with time.
Sounds like you are on the right path.
having been through this myself (and in almost identical circumstances, I'll offer my 2p
from the previous post;
9) When it comes to divorce and solicitors, sort as much out as you can between yourselves amicably. No matter how angry you are and no matter how much you want to screw her over, it will only cost YOU money. The Solicitors love a fight and will be poking her to cause arguments. It only benefits them. They will charge you for EVERY email. Every letter. £20quid for reading a 2 line email!!!!!
This - I found out the hard way a pretty 'normal' divorce ran into the 25-30K bracket for me. Yes, the solicitors were good, but it nearly bloody killed me financially - as above EVERYTHING they do costs... no such thing as a free lunch I'm afraid.
I'm in a similar situation as you are form an employment perspective.
Whatever she may think, only the income you actually take will be taken into account (salary, divi's etc) - you will have to provide company accounts for this, including your own personal bank statements. Obviously, you'll have an accountant who can furnish you with the relevant details.
My only further advice would be chin up - it's bloody traumatic when it happens, but it does pass with time.
Sounds like you are on the right path.
super7 said:
3) Child Maintenance. Are you sure that only decalring your income and Divi's is enough! You should be putting your gross weekly rate excluding VAT into the calculator. Whilst your a Ltd company, you will be "judged" on your weekly rate.
Really good advice overall thanks, but I find this bit objectionable (obviously!)As I understand it, what my limited company bills for services I provide doesn't really come into it. I have overheads, I have to set money aside for periods out of work through sickness or inability to provide services, pension contributions, etc. and what I end up paying myself personally from the remaining proceeds - and what therefore constitutes my personal taxable income - is what maintenance calculations are based on.
If it were based on my rate then for example one month I'd have to just tell the wife I wasn't earning anything or that I was sick.
It shouldn't be any different than if I were to be employed by a larger consultancy practice paying me £60k/annum but billing my services to clients at £1k/day.
It would be really handy if anyone has any direct experience in this area.
I can always take work on and simply have another company bill the client.
If I were operating inside IR35 then things might be different as generally the turnover arising from a contract just gets grossed up and paid as salary, but I'm not (that's another topic I guess, but essentially I work autonomously outside direct client control and run multiple concurrent engagements etc).
Edited by theboss on Wednesday 11th May 18:01
turbobloke said:
It's totally shtty but normal. The emotional rollercoaster will last for a while yet but gets calmer all the while particularly when planning ahead, retaining a sense of control and self-worth etc.
It's totally shtty but normal. The emotional rollercoaster will last for a while yet but gets calmer all the while particularly when planning ahead, retaining a sense of control and self-worth etc. tty - I agree.But you forget, the kids are on that emotional roller coaster too.
It's like I said earlier, you have to ride the long wave of your emotions.
I can guarantee that whilst you (the boss) think you might be gently 'surfing' along thinking everything is going smoothly now, coping with life's gentle ups and downs at some stage someone (probably her) is going to drop a depth charge under you and there will be a massive spike in your emotional instability.
At times like that it is so important to take the time to get back onto (for want of a better term) your 'surf board', regain your emotional balance and just carry on with where you were going.
This is so true in this day and age of instant-messaging/texting/email.
So when that bomb does go off under you because you didn't see it coming (how could you?) and it dumps you in a cold place, rocks you to your core leaving you incessant with rage and thinking 'f
k you fk you, how dare you, fk you, fk you - I'm gonna so fking show you....'It is so important at this time that you climb back on-the-board, regain your emotional stability, and ride the long wave.
I learned this late on after ONE HELL OF A ROUGH RIDE.
She was getting the money, I was gladly having my son every weekend, I used to drop him back on time on a Sunday and he would be dragged kicking and screaming into her house, then the door was slammed shut.
I would be left stood there with the letter box open and little fingers sticking out with screams of 'Daddy Daddy don't leave me DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY'. I had to walk away. I'd get into the car drive around the corner and sit there bawling my eyes out.
This got fixed by me asking to be allowed into the house, just into the hallway, I never went further (or wanted to go further) than the front door mat.
My son could run off grab some toy to show me and we'd spend a few minutes together before I explained I had to go and he was off again playing with his stuff.
From his perspective, (I've asked him a few times now without putting words into his mouth) he can't remember any of that. He was three then, he's ten now, and we have great times together.
Ride the long wave!
TheExcession said:
t's totally shtty - I agree.
But you forget, the kids are on that emotional roller coaster too.
It's like I said earlier, you have to ride the long wave of your emotions.
I can guarantee that whilst you (the boss) think you might be gently 'surfing' along thinking everything is going smoothly now, coping with life's gentle ups and downs at some stage someone (probably her) is going to drop a depth charge under you and there will be a massive spike in your emotional instability.
At times like that it is so important to take the time to get back onto (for want of a better term) your 'surf board', regain your emotional balance and just carry on with where you were going.
This is so true in this day and age of instant-messaging/texting/email.
So when that bomb does go off under you because you didn't see it coming (how could you?) and it dumps you in a cold place, rocks you to your core leaving you incessant with rage and thinking 'fk you fk you, how dare you, fk you, fk you - I'm gonna so fking show you....'
It is so important at this time that you climb back on-the-board, regain your emotional stability, and ride the long wave.
I learned this late on after ONE HELL OF A ROUGH RIDE.
She was getting the money, I was gladly having my son every weekend, I used to drop him back on time on a Sunday and he would be dragged kicking and screaming into her house, then the door was slammed shut.
I would be left stood there with the letter box open and little fingers sticking out with screams of 'Daddy Daddy don't leave me DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY'. I had to walk away. I'd get into the car drive around the corner and sit there bawling my eyes out.
This got fixed by me asking to be allowed into the house, just into the hallway, I never went further (or wanted to go further) than the front door mat.
My son could run off grab some toy to show me and we'd spend a few minutes together before I explained I had to go and he was off again playing with his stuff.
From his perspective, (I've asked him a few times now without putting words into his mouth) he can't remember any of that. He was three then, he's ten now, and we have great times together.
Ride the long wave!
This is a touching post and I don't doubt I have a lot of that to come. Especially if/when the kids do take a preference either way or start telling me things I might not want to hear about their new life.tty - I agree.But you forget, the kids are on that emotional roller coaster too.
It's like I said earlier, you have to ride the long wave of your emotions.
I can guarantee that whilst you (the boss) think you might be gently 'surfing' along thinking everything is going smoothly now, coping with life's gentle ups and downs at some stage someone (probably her) is going to drop a depth charge under you and there will be a massive spike in your emotional instability.
At times like that it is so important to take the time to get back onto (for want of a better term) your 'surf board', regain your emotional balance and just carry on with where you were going.
This is so true in this day and age of instant-messaging/texting/email.
So when that bomb does go off under you because you didn't see it coming (how could you?) and it dumps you in a cold place, rocks you to your core leaving you incessant with rage and thinking 'f
k you fk you, how dare you, fk you, fk you - I'm gonna so fking show you....'It is so important at this time that you climb back on-the-board, regain your emotional stability, and ride the long wave.
I learned this late on after ONE HELL OF A ROUGH RIDE.
She was getting the money, I was gladly having my son every weekend, I used to drop him back on time on a Sunday and he would be dragged kicking and screaming into her house, then the door was slammed shut.
I would be left stood there with the letter box open and little fingers sticking out with screams of 'Daddy Daddy don't leave me DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY'. I had to walk away. I'd get into the car drive around the corner and sit there bawling my eyes out.
This got fixed by me asking to be allowed into the house, just into the hallway, I never went further (or wanted to go further) than the front door mat.
My son could run off grab some toy to show me and we'd spend a few minutes together before I explained I had to go and he was off again playing with his stuff.
From his perspective, (I've asked him a few times now without putting words into his mouth) he can't remember any of that. He was three then, he's ten now, and we have great times together.
Ride the long wave!
I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences and how you had to grin and bear the torment seeing your boy in that state. My Dad told me similarly that when he used to leave the house following his separation with my mother, he would drive round the corner, park up and cry his eyes out.
As I'll be on my own for a while my Mum and stepdad are going to start coming up for a few days at a time, largely to coincide with when I have the kids, to help with some of the domestic stuff that (1) I'm not really used to doing - the kids need dinner and laundry doing etc. and I feel daunted by having to do everything for them and (2) health wise I'm going to struggle a bit especially with anything that involves bending/lifting.
TheExcession said:
t's totally shtty - I agree.
But you forget, the kids are on that emotional roller coaster too.
Yep ISWYM but I just didn't mention it, rather than forget. In my case all of them walked out on her and I had them with me on the 'coaster day-to-day. They were old enough to decide and left nobody in any doubt. She visited once a week at her request until the visits tailed off. Every shtty - I agree.But you forget, the kids are on that emotional roller coaster too.
tty is a different kind of shtty but it's still sht. It looks as though boss is getting it right and long may it continue. Well done to you too for riding the long wave through some very murky water to a point where you can give such good advice.theboss said:
This is a touching post and I don't doubt I have a lot of that to come. Especially if/when the kids do take a preference either way or start telling me things I might not want to hear about their new life.
I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences and how you had to grin and bear the torment seeing your boy in that state. My Dad told me similarly that when he used to leave the house following his separation with my mother, he would drive round the corner, park up and cry his eyes out.
As I'll be on my own for a while my Mum and stepdad are going to start coming up for a few days at a time, largely to coincide with when I have the kids, to help with some of the domestic stuff that (1) I'm not really used to doing - the kids need dinner and laundry doing etc. and I feel daunted by having to do everything for them and (2) health wise I'm going to struggle a bit especially with anything that involves bending/lifting.
Thank you - I really appreciate you commenting on my post most people here have learned to ignore me by now. I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences and how you had to grin and bear the torment seeing your boy in that state. My Dad told me similarly that when he used to leave the house following his separation with my mother, he would drive round the corner, park up and cry his eyes out.
As I'll be on my own for a while my Mum and stepdad are going to start coming up for a few days at a time, largely to coincide with when I have the kids, to help with some of the domestic stuff that (1) I'm not really used to doing - the kids need dinner and laundry doing etc. and I feel daunted by having to do everything for them and (2) health wise I'm going to struggle a bit especially with anything that involves bending/lifting.
A few points;
1. You're kids won't take any preference - what are they 7,11,15? they just need a bit of stability in transition from one parent to another. And as Cindy Lauper once sang "Girls/kids just wanna have fun". Its all changed - try and have fun with them.
2. No need to be sorry on my part, I'm really proud of little Ex, and I'm trying to help Mrs Ex to drive a car :scary:. I was coaching in his rugby club but I have a laryngitis issue which means I have been barely part of the rugby/GAA club for the last four months.
3. Familly. You are so f
king lucky. My Parents don't give a flying fk about my son. It's an old family favourite - if you ain't got four legs - Not interested. Can you believe that?I suspect you will be fine.
stuttgartmetal said:
Stay strong
Eat properly
Be prepared for her to be as bad as she can be.
It's over
Accept that
Get through it.
Let her have anything she wants
Let her take anything from the house
Anything
Wave goodbye as she leaves. It'll be the best thing for you
Watch what happens next
Affairs like hers are all about longing to be in the perfect world.
Once she's in her new life reality bites for her and him
It all tends not be as exciting when she's washing his skiddy underpants and he's coming home late from the office
She's not single no kids and footloose.
She's got plenty of baggage to dump on him.
Don't be surprised when reality doesn't turn idyllic like she imagines and she comes running back begging for forgiveness
Take the clever approach
Don't do anything bad to her that she can badmouth you to the kids
Let her have her way and go
Take the high ground
Look after number one.
Don't lose your kids in all this.
You'll get through it
Post on wikivorce,com
All the advice you need is on there.
Is that some lyrics from a song I don't know?Eat properly
Be prepared for her to be as bad as she can be.
It's over
Accept that
Get through it.
Let her have anything she wants
Let her take anything from the house
Anything
Wave goodbye as she leaves. It'll be the best thing for you
Watch what happens next
Affairs like hers are all about longing to be in the perfect world.
Once she's in her new life reality bites for her and him
It all tends not be as exciting when she's washing his skiddy underpants and he's coming home late from the office
She's not single no kids and footloose.
She's got plenty of baggage to dump on him.
Don't be surprised when reality doesn't turn idyllic like she imagines and she comes running back begging for forgiveness
Take the clever approach
Don't do anything bad to her that she can badmouth you to the kids
Let her have her way and go
Take the high ground
Look after number one.
Don't lose your kids in all this.
You'll get through it
Post on wikivorce,com
All the advice you need is on there.
turbobloke said:
Well done to you too for riding the long wave through some very murky water to a point where you can give such good advice.
Thanks, of course to an Internet reader at a later date, this will mean little or nothing.It's very interesting to note who has posted on this thread. I've posted all there (in my view) is to say.
So I'm off to watch Emmerdale on the ITV+1
theboss said:
super7 said:
3) Child Maintenance. Are you sure that only decalring your income and Divi's is enough! You should be putting your gross weekly rate excluding VAT into the calculator. Whilst your a Ltd company, you will be "judged" on your weekly rate.
Really good advice overall thanks, but I find this bit objectionable (obviously!)As I understand it, what my limited company bills for services I provide doesn't really come into it. I have overheads, I have to set money aside for periods out of work through sickness or inability to provide services, pension contributions, etc. and what I end up paying myself personally from the remaining proceeds - and what therefore constitutes my personal taxable income - is what maintenance calculations are based on.
If it were based on my rate then for example one month I'd have to just tell the wife I wasn't earning anything or that I was sick.
It shouldn't be any different than if I were to be employed by a larger consultancy practice paying me £60k/annum but billing my services to clients at £1k/day.
It would be really handy if anyone has any direct experience in this area.
I can always take work on and simply have another company bill the client.
If I were operating inside IR35 then things might be different as generally the turnover arising from a contract just gets grossed up and paid as salary, but I'm not (that's another topic I guess, but essentially I work autonomously outside direct client control and run multiple concurrent engagements etc).
Edited by theboss on Wednesday 11th May 18:01
don29 said:
theboss said:
super7 said:
3) Child Maintenance. Are you sure that only decalring your income and Divi's is enough! You should be putting your gross weekly rate excluding VAT into the calculator. Whilst your a Ltd company, you will be "judged" on your weekly rate.
Really good advice overall thanks, but I find this bit objectionable (obviously!)As I understand it, what my limited company bills for services I provide doesn't really come into it. I have overheads, I have to set money aside for periods out of work through sickness or inability to provide services, pension contributions, etc. and what I end up paying myself personally from the remaining proceeds - and what therefore constitutes my personal taxable income - is what maintenance calculations are based on.
If it were based on my rate then for example one month I'd have to just tell the wife I wasn't earning anything or that I was sick.
It shouldn't be any different than if I were to be employed by a larger consultancy practice paying me £60k/annum but billing my services to clients at £1k/day.
It would be really handy if anyone has any direct experience in this area.
I can always take work on and simply have another company bill the client.
If I were operating inside IR35 then things might be different as generally the turnover arising from a contract just gets grossed up and paid as salary, but I'm not (that's another topic I guess, but essentially I work autonomously outside direct client control and run multiple concurrent engagements etc).
Edited by theboss on Wednesday 11th May 18:01
She said this morning that I was deliberately paying myself "a pittance" of £50-60k in order to dodge my obligation.
The amount I've offered her is more than the CMS website shows for the above income, and in fact I'd have to be extracting £80k before that figure is breached.
Goes to illustrate her sense of perspective doesn't it. For context we live in rural Shropshire where a £50-60k salary is unheard of, not the home counties.
The amount I've offered her is more than the CMS website shows for the above income, and in fact I'd have to be extracting £80k before that figure is breached.
Goes to illustrate her sense of perspective doesn't it. For context we live in rural Shropshire where a £50-60k salary is unheard of, not the home counties.
theboss said:
She said this morning that I was deliberately paying myself "a pittance" of £50-60k in order to dodge my obligation.
The amount I've offered her is more than the CMS website shows for the above income, and in fact I'd have to be extracting £80k before that figure is breached.
Goes to illustrate her sense of perspective doesn't it. For context we live in rural Shropshire where a £50-60k salary is unheard of, not the home counties.
If the CSA calculator gives X - where X is less than the amount you allude to - why not go down the road of X when the solicitors start talking, even initially as then if your generosity remains (if!) it will have a (slightly) higher chance of being noticed and appreciated.The amount I've offered her is more than the CMS website shows for the above income, and in fact I'd have to be extracting £80k before that figure is breached.
Goes to illustrate her sense of perspective doesn't it. For context we live in rural Shropshire where a £50-60k salary is unheard of, not the home counties.
turbobloke said:
If the CSA calculator gives X - where X is less than the amount you allude to - why not go down the road of X when the solicitors start talking, even initially as then if your generosity remains (if!) it will have a (slightly) higher chance of being noticed and appreciated.
Essentially CMS gives X, I offered Y and she wants Z. Obviously X < Y < Z. The CMS calculator doesn't reach Y until about 1.5x my actual personal income based on the last few years, so this gives me scope to draw more dividends this year without having to renegotiate the maintenance.I figure if I continue to give her Y regardless of her insistence of Z, and additionally allow her to use the lease car until she has replaced it, a court would consider that I had behaved more than reasonably in the circumstances. I could after-all always 'punish' her by giving her X, or nothing.
By the way, the cost of handing the lease car back is about £50/month less than the cost of seeing through the term, so it could be quite an easy/cheap win to allow her to continue using it for now. The benefit to her is certainly worth a damned sight more than the actual net cost to me. She has stated this morning she is in the process of buying her own car.
I have made it clear I will buy the kids other stuff directly and share costs on extra-curricular activities and so on.
Also pleased to have arranged to take my stepson away for 4 days in June, he has a nice big gap between exams and I'll be bringing his textbooks for revision. We're going to smash up the autobahn so I can spend a few days at the Leipzig Bach festival and then the ring. It coincides with his 16th birthday so I'm also going to get him a bank account and start paying him a small allowance directly.
I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts the CMS and puts a claim in against his 'real dad' who hasn't contributed for the last 15 years. He must be good for a tenner a week which will cover the cost of having her nails done.
Edited by theboss on Thursday 12th May 12:26
theboss said:
Essentially CMS gives X, I offered Y and she wants Z. Obviously X < Y < Z. The CMS calculator doesn't reach Y until about 1.5x my actual personal income based on the last few years, so this gives me scope to draw more dividends this year without having to renegotiate the maintenance.
I figure if I continue to give her Y regardless of her insistence of Z, and additionally allow her to use the lease car until she has replaced it, a court would consider that I had behaved more than reasonably in the circumstances. I could after-all always 'punish' her by giving her X, or nothing.
By the way, the cost of handing the lease car back is about £50/month less than the cost of seeing through the term, so it could be quite an easy/cheap win to allow her to continue using it for now. The benefit to her is certainly worth a damned sight more than the actual net cost to me. She has stated this morning she is in the process of buying her own car.
I have made it clear I will buy the kids other stuff directly and share costs on extra-curricular activities and so on.
Also pleased to have arranged to take my stepson away for 4 days in June, he has a nice big gap between exams and I'll be bringing his textbooks for revision. We're going to smash up the autobahn so I can spend a few days at the Leipzig Bach festival and then the ring. It coincides with his 16th birthday so I'm also going to get him a bank account and start paying him a small allowance directly.
I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts the CMS and puts a claim in against his 'real dad' who hasn't contributed for the last 15 years. He must be good for a tenner a week which will cover the cost of having her nails done.
I think you should look at reducing your salary significantly....that will show her...!I figure if I continue to give her Y regardless of her insistence of Z, and additionally allow her to use the lease car until she has replaced it, a court would consider that I had behaved more than reasonably in the circumstances. I could after-all always 'punish' her by giving her X, or nothing.
By the way, the cost of handing the lease car back is about £50/month less than the cost of seeing through the term, so it could be quite an easy/cheap win to allow her to continue using it for now. The benefit to her is certainly worth a damned sight more than the actual net cost to me. She has stated this morning she is in the process of buying her own car.
I have made it clear I will buy the kids other stuff directly and share costs on extra-curricular activities and so on.
Also pleased to have arranged to take my stepson away for 4 days in June, he has a nice big gap between exams and I'll be bringing his textbooks for revision. We're going to smash up the autobahn so I can spend a few days at the Leipzig Bach festival and then the ring. It coincides with his 16th birthday so I'm also going to get him a bank account and start paying him a small allowance directly.
I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts the CMS and puts a claim in against his 'real dad' who hasn't contributed for the last 15 years. He must be good for a tenner a week which will cover the cost of having her nails done.
Edited by theboss on Thursday 12th May 12:26
There's one other point I want to make actually which may serve to warn others of making very serious decisions at a young age.
This particular snake of a wife was absolutely adamant I should have a vasectomy after my second daughter was born.
I wasn't even 30 at the time. She's a few years older than me and of course has a third older child.
I held my ground firmly on this and eventually told her if sterilisation was the way forward she should have it done herself - it cost me a few grand to have her tubes tied privately in the end.
Certainly not regretting that decision now.
This particular snake of a wife was absolutely adamant I should have a vasectomy after my second daughter was born.
I wasn't even 30 at the time. She's a few years older than me and of course has a third older child.
I held my ground firmly on this and eventually told her if sterilisation was the way forward she should have it done herself - it cost me a few grand to have her tubes tied privately in the end.
Certainly not regretting that decision now.
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