Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed
Discussion
theboss said:
Essentially CMS gives X, I offered Y and she wants Z. Obviously X < Y < Z. The CMS calculator doesn't reach Y until about 1.5x my actual personal income based on the last few years, so this gives me scope to draw more dividends this year without having to renegotiate the maintenance.
I figure if I continue to give her Y regardless of her insistence of Z, and additionally allow her to use the lease car until she has replaced it, a court would consider that I had behaved more than reasonably in the circumstances. I could after-all always 'punish' her by giving her X, or nothing.
Screen shot CMS saying X and tell her to take what you offer or she'll get what is recommended - the Child Maintenance Service uses the paying parent’s gross annual income, from the latest available tax year, as the starting point to work out child maintenance. In most cases, this information is provided to HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) by the paying parent, their employer or accountant I figure if I continue to give her Y regardless of her insistence of Z, and additionally allow her to use the lease car until she has replaced it, a court would consider that I had behaved more than reasonably in the circumstances. I could after-all always 'punish' her by giving her X, or nothing.
ali_kat said:
Screen shot CMS saying X and tell her to take what you offer or she'll get what is recommended - the Child Maintenance Service uses the paying parent’s gross annual income, from the latest available tax year, as the starting point to work out child maintenance. In most cases, this information is provided to HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) by the paying parent, their employer or accountant
Tell her to f
k off as a starting point. Then anything offered is better. pay 1% above the CMS rate. That is all thats needed for now to put you in a favourable legal position.
It sucks mate, I am going through a similar thing, my wife wants me out the house. We have 2 kids aged 9 and 6 who are being poisoned. Anyhow I am not here to hijack your thread
Chin up, play the long game, let the st she gives out roll off your back, dont react to anything at all!
S
It sucks mate, I am going through a similar thing, my wife wants me out the house. We have 2 kids aged 9 and 6 who are being poisoned. Anyhow I am not here to hijack your thread
Chin up, play the long game, let the s
t she gives out roll off your back, dont react to anything at all!S
theboss said:
There's one other point I want to make actually which may serve to warn others of making very serious decisions at a young age.
This particular snake of a wife was absolutely adamant I should have a vasectomy after my second daughter was born.
I wasn't even 30 at the time. She's a few years older than me and of course has a third older child.
I held my ground firmly on this and eventually told her if sterilisation was the way forward she should have it done herself - it cost me a few grand to have her tubes tied privately in the end.
Certainly not regretting that decision now.
And on that note, who you banging this weekend?This particular snake of a wife was absolutely adamant I should have a vasectomy after my second daughter was born.
I wasn't even 30 at the time. She's a few years older than me and of course has a third older child.
I held my ground firmly on this and eventually told her if sterilisation was the way forward she should have it done herself - it cost me a few grand to have her tubes tied privately in the end.
Certainly not regretting that decision now.
I see the first depth charge has just been detonated 
Stop trying to be the nice reasonable guy. By all means look after and help your kids, buy them new clothes and shoes etc when you see them.
But from now on everything you do for her has to be by the book.
ali_kat said:
Screen shot CMS saying X and tell her to take what you offer or she'll get what is recommended - the Child Maintenance Service uses the paying parent’s gross annual income, from the latest available tax year, as the starting point to work out child maintenance. In most cases, this information is provided to HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) by the paying parent, their employer or accountant
This! Pay the legal rate, nothing more nothing less.Stop trying to be the nice reasonable guy. By all means look after and help your kids, buy them new clothes and shoes etc when you see them.
But from now on everything you do for her has to be by the book.
CMS Calculator is great but my ex seemed to never have heard of it. When I was paying the calculated figure plus some more - I thought she must have checked the figures, but it appears not.
She got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
She got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
mattyn1 said:
CMS Calculator is great but my ex seemed to never have heard of it. When I was paying the calculated figure plus some more - I thought she must have checked the figures, but it appears not.
She got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
fShe got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
king excellent. Get that aston bought too. 
mattyn1 said:
CMS Calculator is great but my ex seemed to never have heard of it. When I was paying the calculated figure plus some more - I thought she must have checked the figures, but it appears not.
She got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
Hah! Gutted to f**k mate. :-) Good on you. She got the impression I was on more than I was (maybe due to the brand new 520D Touring courtesy car on the drive, and the casually discarded Aston Martin Vantage brochure laying in the hall which she spied one time when she picked up the boys). She then instigated CSA investigations (as it were then and at her expense). When they finished their investigation, and I was as honest as I possibly could be, the monthly payment was reduced, she went apoplectic!
I warned her too that the CSA would reduce the payments, but she was having none of it, and went ahead with the claim.
Small victories!
The last few posts make me feel a bit uncomfortable. You all seem to be trying to reduce salaries and claiming victories in reducing the payments to the wife. Irrespective of whether she was in the wrong or not, the money is to support your children. The C is CSA stands for 'Child'.
What you should be doing is ensuring your children have as much as you can afford, (it is not their fault their mother is a cheating bh) and then go for nil wife maintenance. She can look after herself. I don't think my impression is what you intended but it reads a bit like that to me.
For the record, my ex cheated on me and I went for child maintenance and refused wife maintenance. I worked and was happy to support myself and if it wasn't enough it drove me to better myself. Our son was a different matter and I felt the ex should contribute to his needs.
He ended up paying a tiny amount but I couldn't face putting myself through the stress of court battles etc as it may reflect onto my son. And I have put away that money for the last four years into a bank account for my son so he has a little nest egg for university/car/towards house deposit.
What you should be doing is ensuring your children have as much as you can afford, (it is not their fault their mother is a cheating b
h) and then go for nil wife maintenance. She can look after herself. I don't think my impression is what you intended but it reads a bit like that to me.For the record, my ex cheated on me and I went for child maintenance and refused wife maintenance. I worked and was happy to support myself and if it wasn't enough it drove me to better myself. Our son was a different matter and I felt the ex should contribute to his needs.
He ended up paying a tiny amount but I couldn't face putting myself through the stress of court battles etc as it may reflect onto my son. And I have put away that money for the last four years into a bank account for my son so he has a little nest egg for university/car/towards house deposit.
Kateg28 said:
The last few posts make me feel a bit uncomfortable. You all seem to be trying to reduce salaries and claiming victories in reducing the payments to the wife. Irrespective of whether she was in the wrong or not, the money is to support your children. The C is CSA stands for 'Child'.
The post initiating this was about a totally different situation. An ex instigated an investigation, convinced that her ex was underpaying, having been advised that this wasn't so. After investigation, payments were reduced. If you have any problem with that, then the CSA as-was would appear to be your target.Naturally, the money received due to the C goes to children, it's never redirected.
Finally I can't recall even one of the male PHers in this thread taking any other line than how the children, including their children, come first.
Hopefully the thread can get back to assisting boss and his children.
walm said:
Kateg28 said:
What you should be doing is ensuring your children have as much as you can afford...
I don't agree with that but even if I did, the ex-wife isn't the right conduit for ensuring the money reaches the intended recipient is she?I told her yesterday, if her income is low, she should get a job to bridge any shortfall. She genuinely believes this doesn't apply to her.
As far as reducing my income is concerned - my personal income isn't reducing at all, in fact its likely to increase and I will ensure what I am paying her reflects this but falls within the CSA/CMS calculator guidelines. What I am not going to do is carry on living as in the past, where I extracted as near as 100% of my billing from the limited co, to maximise family income. Now I have other concerns such as health, I need to work less, and ensure I have decent provision for periods out of work which are now much more likely, and so on.
It's not like I'm sat here drawing £11k just to punish her.
She also gets quite a substantial Disability Living Allowance claim for my autistic daughter... in the past she claimed this without informing me and diverted it to a bank account she opened based on her mother's address. Disability benefit being used as her own personal slush fund to be used to escape the marriage. I found hidden paperwork. So she is quite capable of conniving herself when money is involved.
Edited by theboss on Friday 13th May 10:23
Kateg28 said:
The last few posts make me feel a bit uncomfortable. You all seem to be trying to reduce salaries and claiming victories in reducing the payments to the wife. Irrespective of whether she was in the wrong or not, the money is to support your children. The C is CSA stands for 'Child'.
The money isn't guaranteed to be spent on the child though is it? It's given to the mother (parent with custody), to support the child, but in reality, she/he could spend it all on tabs/beer/hair extensions & manicures if they so wished!Kateg28 said:
For the record, my ex cheated on me and I went for child maintenance and refused wife maintenance. I worked and was happy to support myself and if it wasn't enough it drove me to better myself. Our son was a different matter and I felt the ex should contribute to his needs.
Good for you! Unfortunately, many ex partners (usually the non breadwinner) will seek to punish the other by going after as much as possible (within the very misguided law), regardless of the consequences to the other!See here for example:
StottyEvo said:
I recall seeing a women for a while who's friend was in the middle of a divorce. She had to sell her nice big 4 bed detached house and move out with the kids as she couldn't afford to live there after the breakup. Apparently her and friends thought this was "disgusting" as she had to leave the family home and take the kids... I asked where her ex was living now and was told a 1 bed flat.
Shockingly her answering this question didn't make the penny drop. People eh.
Most people, just want what's fair on the kids, instead, a lot of people can't put emotions aside during a split, so end up sniping at each other - the ONLY winner there, is the solicitors... Shockingly her answering this question didn't make the penny drop. People eh.
Kateg28 said:
The last few posts make me feel a bit uncomfortable. You all seem to be trying to reduce salaries and claiming victories in reducing the payments to the wife. Irrespective of whether she was in the wrong or not, the money is to support your children. The C is CSA stands for 'Child'.
What you should be doing is ensuring your children have as much as you can afford, (it is not their fault their mother is a cheating bh) and then go for nil wife maintenance. She can look after herself. I don't think my impression is what you intended but it reads a bit like that to me.
For the record, my ex cheated on me and I went for child maintenance and refused wife maintenance. I worked and was happy to support myself and if it wasn't enough it drove me to better myself. Our son was a different matter and I felt the ex should contribute to his needs.
He ended up paying a tiny amount but I couldn't face putting myself through the stress of court battles etc as it may reflect onto my son. And I have put away that money for the last four years into a bank account for my son so he has a little nest egg for university/car/towards house deposit.
Hi Kate What you should be doing is ensuring your children have as much as you can afford, (it is not their fault their mother is a cheating b
h) and then go for nil wife maintenance. She can look after herself. I don't think my impression is what you intended but it reads a bit like that to me.For the record, my ex cheated on me and I went for child maintenance and refused wife maintenance. I worked and was happy to support myself and if it wasn't enough it drove me to better myself. Our son was a different matter and I felt the ex should contribute to his needs.
He ended up paying a tiny amount but I couldn't face putting myself through the stress of court battles etc as it may reflect onto my son. And I have put away that money for the last four years into a bank account for my son so he has a little nest egg for university/car/towards house deposit.
Whist you (& I) might be paragons of virtue when it comes to what we left our previous relationships with; unfortunately, few other women seem to be fair when they walk away
They leave/or kick him out, for what ever reason, keep the kids and then demand to be kept in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
Just as we are advised to 'take him for everything' by our girlfriends; men advise each other to 'look after their assets'. Not just to protect themselves, but so they have money for that proverbial 'rainy day' that their kids will have.
theboss said:
She also gets quite a substantial Disability Living Allowance claim for my autistic daughter... in the past she claimed this without informing me and diverted it to a bank account she opened based on her mother's address. Disability benefit being used as her own personal slush fund to be used to escape the marriage. I found hidden paperwork. So she is quite capable of conniving herself when money is involved.
People tend to judge others by their own 'morals', so if they are willing to cheat & lie, they expect others to do that to them...You are one of the good people, you still judge her by your own morals
You are gradually seeing the light, but still wanting to be fair and honest. You are only going to be disappointed ali_kat said:
They leave/or kick him out, for what ever reason, keep the kids and then demand to be kept in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
Just as we are advised to 'take him for everything' by our girlfriends; men advise each other to 'look after their assets'. Not just to protect themselves, but so they have money for that proverbial 'rainy day' that their kids will have.
You have the same views as my OH and most normal women, ie that the dividing up during a divorce goes unfairly in favour of a non contributing non working spouse. The framework is in place for this as it has to cope with the nutters out there and the extreme circumstances but most divorces aren't like that. Its so easy for the airhead girlfriends and others to stir things up as they aren't involved so just light the fuse and sit back to watch the fun. Just as we are advised to 'take him for everything' by our girlfriends; men advise each other to 'look after their assets'. Not just to protect themselves, but so they have money for that proverbial 'rainy day' that their kids will have.
If I had ever of been unfaithful or violent or abusive or anything like that I would have had no defense to my Ex going for everything she could get.
In my circumstances, I was guilty of working too hard and working away from home to give my family (including all her daughters from a previous marriage) a good lifestyle.
Obviously, that gave her the opportunity to play away and that... was my fault!! I was asked to leave the house, asked to pay maintenance. I was told quite simply that she didn't love me anymore and that nobody else was involved. Well... actually half the village was involved. Anyway, I was the one who had to suffer. She lived in the big house, with a part-time job and with a four digit maintenance package, Child and working tax credit, and my Evo8.
It didn't take long for the real reason to become obvious..... She had been cheating on me for years and the whole situation was designed to get me out and for her bloke to take my place.
So when some blokes sound really bitter about these situations, it's basically because the LAW backs a cheat and discriminates/penalises against the innocent party. Because she didn't want me anymore, I lost £125k in assets from the house, had to give half my savings/pensions/isa's and still have to pay £1k a month maintenance. Whilst this is supposed to be for my one remaining under 18 child, it's not. It supports her and her new blokes lifestyle.
Bitter... YES! Twisted.... YES! (That's the knife in my back!)
In my circumstances, I was guilty of working too hard and working away from home to give my family (including all her daughters from a previous marriage) a good lifestyle.
Obviously, that gave her the opportunity to play away and that... was my fault!! I was asked to leave the house, asked to pay maintenance. I was told quite simply that she didn't love me anymore and that nobody else was involved. Well... actually half the village was involved. Anyway, I was the one who had to suffer. She lived in the big house, with a part-time job and with a four digit maintenance package, Child and working tax credit, and my Evo8.
It didn't take long for the real reason to become obvious..... She had been cheating on me for years and the whole situation was designed to get me out and for her bloke to take my place.
So when some blokes sound really bitter about these situations, it's basically because the LAW backs a cheat and discriminates/penalises against the innocent party. Because she didn't want me anymore, I lost £125k in assets from the house, had to give half my savings/pensions/isa's and still have to pay £1k a month maintenance. Whilst this is supposed to be for my one remaining under 18 child, it's not. It supports her and her new blokes lifestyle.
Bitter... YES! Twisted.... YES! (That's the knife in my back!)
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