Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed
Discussion
AndStilliRise said:
Do you think that the other guy was trying to leave his wife and used the circumstances to his advantage. It just seems as though financialy he used your wife to get a new company registered and move all the money over. Was it case of anyone else or did have to be your wife?
I can only speculate, but I think he very much enjoyed having the best of both worlds - his wife of 20+ years diligiently looking after his home and kids, putting tea on the table and ironing his pants, plus my wife - his skinny silicon-breasted little floozy 14 years his junior, providing filthy sex on tap whilst falling hook-line-and-sinker for his every claim in besotted adoration.At some point the affair furthered to the point where my wife was willing to give everything up for him, but I'm not convinced he wanted to do the same. According to his wife he was acting completely normally leading up to the 'jump', he made a substantial downpayment on a familiy holiday days befiore, and hadn't attempted to move/hide money or do any of the things you would expect one to do. It was only when my phone hack / discovery took place that he very abruptly made the jump, and the rest is history.
The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
theboss said:
...
The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
Makes me wonder about the morals of some people - going to all that trouble to rip off your own family. The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
As an accountant, it also makes me wonder about how you'd even go about setting a structure like that up, or the circles you move in to know people who can do it for you.
theboss said:
AndStilliRise said:
Do you think that the other guy was trying to leave his wife and used the circumstances to his advantage. It just seems as though financialy he used your wife to get a new company registered and move all the money over. Was it case of anyone else or did have to be your wife?
I can only speculate, but I think he very much enjoyed having the best of both worlds - his wife of 20+ years diligiently looking after his home and kids, putting tea on the table and ironing his pants, plus my wife - his skinny silicon-breasted little floozy 14 years his junior, providing filthy sex on tap whilst falling hook-line-and-sinker for his every claim in besotted adoration.At some point the affair furthered to the point where my wife was willing to give everything up for him, but I'm not convinced he wanted to do the same. According to his wife he was acting completely normally leading up to the 'jump', he made a substantial downpayment on a familiy holiday days befiore, and hadn't attempted to move/hide money or do any of the things you would expect one to do. It was only when my phone hack / discovery took place that he very abruptly made the jump, and the rest is history.
The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
Sounds like he was having a mid-life crisis (think i am on my 5th!) and essentially found someone he could charm to fulfill the appetite. You mention that your wife was/is besotted with him, however he was still committed to his family.
I would assume that he is still seeing your wife and that he is telling her it is all your fault (somehow) that it has ended up the way it has. Unfortunately women who are in this situation rarely see the wood from the trees and will continually be lead down the path by the said person, I would suspect that she is now beyond your help.
You mentioned earlier that it had the reading of some sort of proxy ego battle between the both of you, I guess this means you know him better than you have mentioned. Would love to genuinely love to know who this guy is! Any chance of a PM?
My advice, not that you need it you seem to be doing very well, is too stop calling her your wife and start calling her your ex-wife and then move on with your children as fast as you can. She is beyond your help now and will only continually pull you back.
Best of luck, keep the thread going as we are all rooting for you my man.
Some good advice in here my man. Not sure where i started but the last couple of pages may help you get some perspective.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
theboss said:
I can only speculate, but I think he very much enjoyed having the best of both worlds - his wife of 20+ years diligiently looking after his home and kids, putting tea on the table and ironing his pants, plus my wife - his skinny silicon-breasted little floozy 14 years his junior, providing filthy sex on tap whilst falling hook-line-and-sinker for his every claim in besotted adoration.
At some point the affair furthered to the point where my wife was willing to give everything up for him, but I'm not convinced he wanted to do the same. According to his wife he was acting completely normally leading up to the 'jump', he made a substantial downpayment on a familiy holiday days befiore, and hadn't attempted to move/hide money or do any of the things you would expect one to do. It was only when my phone hack / discovery took place that he very abruptly made the jump, and the rest is history.
The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
Who paid for the floozy's silicon - is that marital asset listed in the financial declarations? At some point the affair furthered to the point where my wife was willing to give everything up for him, but I'm not convinced he wanted to do the same. According to his wife he was acting completely normally leading up to the 'jump', he made a substantial downpayment on a familiy holiday days befiore, and hadn't attempted to move/hide money or do any of the things you would expect one to do. It was only when my phone hack / discovery took place that he very abruptly made the jump, and the rest is history.
The company was incorporated about a week after that. This allowed him to essentially divert his current business income to a new entity and then claim to all and sundry that he had no (declarable) income or business interest. The CMS for example were unable to extract child support payments from him.
HIs wife assures me that during the course of their financial rememdy proceedings, the judge has ordered him to disclose financial records of that business in time for their next hearing, in 6-8 weeks time, so his income and the length he went to in order to obfuscate it, will invariable come out in the wash.
Not much you can do about your step son, just let him know that you'll always be there to listen if he wants to talk.
I have a theory that (and it's a very general one, there will always be exceptions) women tend to have affairs for emotional attention, blokes do purely for more physical attention. This ends up with most cheating women thinking the affair is the start of something proper, while the bloke is just happy getting his end away, and probably has no real intention of leaving his wife. Then they get found out, she lays it on thick about their future together. At this point most blokes go crawling back to their wives, begging forgiveness. They only carry on with the new woman if the wife won't have him back. My theory fits with the OP's description of events in this case anyway.
I am in a slightly similar position regarding the 'data breach' with my ex. Have 'accidentally' seen some of her Facebook private messages, which prove that she's behaving in a way that would raise eyebrows with social services (nothing horrendously bad, but my ex has history with social services involvement). But I didn't screenshot them, so I have no physical evidence of their content, if I raise it with social services it'll just be my word against hers and could just look like I'm making up accusations to discredit her. I can't very well say I've seen her private messages as that probably breaks some electronic privacy laws. If they were really serious matters, and I did have screenshots of the messages, then I guess I would have to take any repercussions on the chin.
mjb1 said:
Who paid for the floozy's silicon - is that marital asset listed in the financial declarations?
Not much you can do about your step son, just let him know that you'll always be there to listen if he wants to talk.
I have a theory that (and it's a very general one, there will always be exceptions) women tend to have affairs for emotional attention, blokes do purely for more physical attention. This ends up with most cheating women thinking the affair is the start of something proper, while the bloke is just happy getting his end away, and probably has no real intention of leaving his wife. Then they get found out, she lays it on thick about their future together. At this point most blokes go crawling back to their wives, begging forgiveness. They only carry on with the new woman if the wife won't have him back. My theory fits with the OP's description of events in this case anyway.
I am in a slightly similar position regarding the 'data breach' with my ex. Have 'accidentally' seen some of her Facebook private messages, which prove that she's behaving in a way that would raise eyebrows with social services (nothing horrendously bad, but my ex has history with social services involvement). But I didn't screenshot them, so I have no physical evidence of their content, if I raise it with social services it'll just be my word against hers and could just look like I'm making up accusations to discredit her. I can't very well say I've seen her private messages as that probably breaks some electronic privacy laws. If they were really serious matters, and I did have screenshots of the messages, then I guess I would have to take any repercussions on the chin.
The silicon cost me about £11k as she had the original ones replaced. That was about the same time she met the Not much you can do about your step son, just let him know that you'll always be there to listen if he wants to talk.
I have a theory that (and it's a very general one, there will always be exceptions) women tend to have affairs for emotional attention, blokes do purely for more physical attention. This ends up with most cheating women thinking the affair is the start of something proper, while the bloke is just happy getting his end away, and probably has no real intention of leaving his wife. Then they get found out, she lays it on thick about their future together. At this point most blokes go crawling back to their wives, begging forgiveness. They only carry on with the new woman if the wife won't have him back. My theory fits with the OP's description of events in this case anyway.
I am in a slightly similar position regarding the 'data breach' with my ex. Have 'accidentally' seen some of her Facebook private messages, which prove that she's behaving in a way that would raise eyebrows with social services (nothing horrendously bad, but my ex has history with social services involvement). But I didn't screenshot them, so I have no physical evidence of their content, if I raise it with social services it'll just be my word against hers and could just look like I'm making up accusations to discredit her. I can't very well say I've seen her private messages as that probably breaks some electronic privacy laws. If they were really serious matters, and I did have screenshots of the messages, then I guess I would have to take any repercussions on the chin.
. So yes, muggins here foots the bill - recurring theme or what?If I were you I would take screenshots but be very careful not to incriminate yourself. Your childrens' welfare comes above any data privacy laws and if you had a genuine concern to begin with, that may be considered just cause for covertly observing her private correspondence.
theboss said:
mjb1 said:
Who paid for the floozy's silicon - is that marital asset listed in the financial declarations?
Not much you can do about your step son, just let him know that you'll always be there to listen if he wants to talk.
I have a theory that (and it's a very general one, there will always be exceptions) women tend to have affairs for emotional attention, blokes do purely for more physical attention. This ends up with most cheating women thinking the affair is the start of something proper, while the bloke is just happy getting his end away, and probably has no real intention of leaving his wife. Then they get found out, she lays it on thick about their future together. At this point most blokes go crawling back to their wives, begging forgiveness. They only carry on with the new woman if the wife won't have him back. My theory fits with the OP's description of events in this case anyway.
I am in a slightly similar position regarding the 'data breach' with my ex. Have 'accidentally' seen some of her Facebook private messages, which prove that she's behaving in a way that would raise eyebrows with social services (nothing horrendously bad, but my ex has history with social services involvement). But I didn't screenshot them, so I have no physical evidence of their content, if I raise it with social services it'll just be my word against hers and could just look like I'm making up accusations to discredit her. I can't very well say I've seen her private messages as that probably breaks some electronic privacy laws. If they were really serious matters, and I did have screenshots of the messages, then I guess I would have to take any repercussions on the chin.
The silicon cost me about £11k as she had the original ones replaced. That was about the same time she met the Not much you can do about your step son, just let him know that you'll always be there to listen if he wants to talk.
I have a theory that (and it's a very general one, there will always be exceptions) women tend to have affairs for emotional attention, blokes do purely for more physical attention. This ends up with most cheating women thinking the affair is the start of something proper, while the bloke is just happy getting his end away, and probably has no real intention of leaving his wife. Then they get found out, she lays it on thick about their future together. At this point most blokes go crawling back to their wives, begging forgiveness. They only carry on with the new woman if the wife won't have him back. My theory fits with the OP's description of events in this case anyway.
I am in a slightly similar position regarding the 'data breach' with my ex. Have 'accidentally' seen some of her Facebook private messages, which prove that she's behaving in a way that would raise eyebrows with social services (nothing horrendously bad, but my ex has history with social services involvement). But I didn't screenshot them, so I have no physical evidence of their content, if I raise it with social services it'll just be my word against hers and could just look like I'm making up accusations to discredit her. I can't very well say I've seen her private messages as that probably breaks some electronic privacy laws. If they were really serious matters, and I did have screenshots of the messages, then I guess I would have to take any repercussions on the chin.
. So yes, muggins here foots the bill - recurring theme or what?If I were you I would take screenshots but be very careful not to incriminate yourself. Your childrens' welfare comes above any data privacy laws and if you had a genuine concern to begin with, that may be considered just cause for covertly observing her private correspondence.
11k! Wow they must works of art! Were they made for handling or cosmetics, never mind, 11k!
Several things have happened this week, all of which are good insofar as that the ex is seeming to move on.
First she has well and truly broken things off with the other guy, cue much crying on my shoulder, and it has swiftly transpired that indeed he has a new girlfriend who may have been on the scene for longer than she realised! She cried when she dropped the kids off and accused me of "rubbing it in"
Recently she received a job offer above her pay expectations and she is excited about that. I have explained that my support will reduce, and I may have to care for the children more midweek as she will be working shifts (working with "looked after" children).
Tonight she is off on a date with a guy who is a mutual aquaintence, and I know he is a good guy, also long-term separated. I wish she could learn to cope with being alone rather than seek to rush into the next big thing, but it is only a date.
My own circumstances have wobbled slightly as I am in the process of having to find another job, and the market isn't great. I'll find something though, I always do... but it means rising to the challenge of potentially less flexible working arrangements (more travel and onsite attendance) which with my disabilities will not be easy. I just have to take that as it comes. A loss of income isn't really what I need right now.
First she has well and truly broken things off with the other guy, cue much crying on my shoulder, and it has swiftly transpired that indeed he has a new girlfriend who may have been on the scene for longer than she realised! She cried when she dropped the kids off and accused me of "rubbing it in"
Recently she received a job offer above her pay expectations and she is excited about that. I have explained that my support will reduce, and I may have to care for the children more midweek as she will be working shifts (working with "looked after" children).
Tonight she is off on a date with a guy who is a mutual aquaintence, and I know he is a good guy, also long-term separated. I wish she could learn to cope with being alone rather than seek to rush into the next big thing, but it is only a date.
My own circumstances have wobbled slightly as I am in the process of having to find another job, and the market isn't great. I'll find something though, I always do... but it means rising to the challenge of potentially less flexible working arrangements (more travel and onsite attendance) which with my disabilities will not be easy. I just have to take that as it comes. A loss of income isn't really what I need right now.
theboss said:
Several things have happened this week, all of which are good insofar as that the ex is seeming to move on.
First she has well and truly broken things off with the other guy, cue much crying on my shoulder, and it has swiftly transpired that indeed he has a new girlfriend who may have been on the scene for longer than she realised! She cried when she dropped the kids off and accused me of "rubbing it in"
First she has well and truly broken things off with the other guy, cue much crying on my shoulder, and it has swiftly transpired that indeed he has a new girlfriend who may have been on the scene for longer than she realised! She cried when she dropped the kids off and accused me of "rubbing it in"
Now reread the title.
InitialDave said:
Is he aware/has he been warned of the story up to now?
No, and its not my business to. I use the term mutual aquaintance loosely - he's one of the school Dads and I know he separated from his wife a number of years ago. He knows she left me for someone else but probably little more.My ever-so-perceptive 8 year old has already discreetly clocked the guy's name appearing on her Mum's phone followed by much giggling and eager texting and told me that "Mummy is chatting to my friend's Dad all day, it's suspicious" so I'm just waiting for that to get back to his own estranged wife via the children chatting. I predict there being lots of rumours on the school playground circuit. My wife has probably already gained a reputation as a danger to anyone's stable marriage. At least she has had the sense to go for a separated one.
AndStilliRise said:
So that's 3 blokes, 3 houses, 3 cars (ML gone back?) In 6mths?
At least 3 blokes (who knows who else has "been there"), 4 houses because she has moved to a new one recently, and 2 cars (yes he took the ML back but she is now back in my Golf R which I just think of as the kids' cheap lease). It'll be 3 cars when the Golf goes back!theboss said:
AndStilliRise said:
So that's 3 blokes, 3 houses, 3 cars (ML gone back?) In 6mths?
At least 3 blokes (who knows who else has "been there"), 4 houses because she has moved to a new one recently, and 2 cars (yes he took the ML back but she is now back in my Golf R which I just think of as the kids' cheap lease). It'll be 3 cars when the Golf goes back!Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff