Suggestions rqd - Cleaner suspected of beating off in house.

[darth dave]

nervous said:

i think we could be on to something here. it has to be a honey trap. the last thing youd want is to set up motion activated AV devices just for her to play with her badly packed kebab elsewhere. can i suggest we look to the wisdom of one Wile E. Coyote? his plans have yet to fail me. the episode where he tries to ensnare roadrunner with a sign saying 'stop here and play with your vertical bacon sandwich' is a little known classic

Yes, that's it. Get the bird with the long legs to eat some seed with iron ball bearings hidden within then use a giant electro magnet to drag her into the spare room and leave Nervous' sign that says 'stop here and play with your vertical bacon sandwich' in front of the camera and make sure she knows the magnet stays on until she does. Brilliant. Then when she's done, drop a rock on her from a great height.

It's a plan with no draw backs.

[nervous]

darth dave said:

nervous said: i think we could be on to something here. it has to be a honey trap. the last thing youd want is to set up motion activated AV devices just for her to play with her badly packed kebab elsewhere. can i suggest we look to the wisdom of one Wile E. Coyote? his plans have yet to fail me. the episode where he tries to ensnare roadrunner with a sign saying 'stop here and play with your vertical bacon sandwich' is a little known classic Yes, that's it. Get the bird with the long legs to eat some seed with iron ball bearings hidden within then use a giant electro magnet to drag her into the spare room and leave Nervous' sign that says 'stop here and play with your vertical bacon sandwich' in front of the camera and make sure she knows the magnet stays on until she does. Brilliant. Then when she's done, drop a rock on her from a great height. It's a plan with no draw backs.

we'll also need an anvil. WEC almost never regrets the involvemnet of an anvil.

[blindswelledrat]

nervous said:

i think we could be on to something here. it has to be a honey trap. the last thing youd want is to set up motion activated AV devices just for her to play with her badly packed kebab elsewhere. can i suggest we look to the wisdom of one Wile E. Coyote? his plans have yet to fail me. the episode where he tries to ensnare roadrunner with a sign saying 'stop here and play with your vertical bacon sandwich' is a little known classic

I missed that episode but it sounds like a bulletproof idea.

[nubbin]

polus said:

and... audition-the-finger-puppets basting-the-tuna beat-the-beaver beating-the-bush bouncing the bearded-clam bury-the-knuckle churning-the-cream clam twiddling jamboree drown-the-man-in-the-boat fan-the-fur feeding-the-slot finger-painting fluff-the-muff grease-the-gash hit-the-slit itching-the-ditch rubbing-the-love-nubbin

Do I know her?

[nervous]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

not forgetting to place a cactus at home to allow a safe and gentle way to stop.

[lazyitus]

So it was, Carrera2 decided to catch the secret beater. The first thing he did was to have a telescope built outside work so he could monitor any activity in his house which was the other side of town...



On his very own secret frequency, he could hear the muffled sounds of a secret wank hand working its magic... It was now or never...



Whizzing across town, he neared his house at great speed.

He landed close by and continued his journey via the means of foot..



Up the stairs he ran, all the time wondering what he'd find. Maybe he'd catch his maid in a lesbian clinch with his girlfriend?



That would be good, he thought.



His heart pounded as he got nearer to the moaning and groaning from inside the room..



He flung the door wide open, just in time to reveal........




















































"HELP, HELP - I'M STUCK IN THIS STUPID WETSUIT. ARGHHH ARGHHH, PLEASE HELP!"



All his dreams and illusions were shattered in an instant.

Carrera2 was a broken man.




The moral of the story...

Don't leave your kinky outfits lying around the bedroom.

[Jaglover]

[Mad Dave]

Pure genius Lazy.

Best thread ever

[blindswelledrat]

lazy.

[Cyberhuss]

lazyitus said:

"HELP, HELP - I'M STUCK IN THIS STUPID WETSUIT. ARGHHH ARGHHH, PLEASE HELP!"

THATS A WOMAN?

Transsexual? you can always tell from the hands, right?

You sure you don't wanna try that "Check Mate Semen Detection Kit" C2?

[Carrera2]

[ZR1cliff]

Thats the woman,look at the size of her strumming hand

[nervous]

bertie basset doesnt look quite so thin without his hat does he

[speedy_thrills]

Carrera2 said:

My first thought was to leave a whopping great dildo on the side with a hair leaning against it - if the hair moves, we've got her!!

And if the hair is still there you can approach her saying something like “I left this hair on my giant dildo, clearly you have not been dusting!…<insert rant about “what do I pay you for etc.”>”.

[Carrera2]

Right, failing better suggestions I'm about to order a digital voice activated dictaphone ready to install for Wednesday.

As far as a trigger goes I really don't know. I'm not buying porn as it's too embarrasing.

We'll jsut have to hope she's got the horn already and can't wait to 'knuckle down' as soon as she gets through the door.

[Plotloss]

What use is a dictaphone going to be to us, we need pictures dammit.

Besides, you could get a false alarm, she might be moving a wardrobe or similar...

[Carrera2]

Plotloss said:

What use is a dictaphone going to be to us, we need pictures dammit. Besides, you could get a false alarm, she might be moving a wardrobe or similar...

I can probably get the reocrding hosted if it's 'interesting'.....I'm sure we won't get a false alarm, it should be pretty easy to tell if a wardrobe's being moved or whether she's going at her flaps hammer and tongs.

At least I hope they don't sound similar....

[Carrera2]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

If this gives us a definite then I'll spend thousands on camera and stirrups etc.

[Plotloss]

Carrera2 said:

Plotloss said: What use is a dictaphone going to be to us, we need pictures dammit. Besides, you could get a false alarm, she might be moving a wardrobe or similar... I can probably get the reocrding hosted if it's 'interesting'.....I'm sure we won't get a false alarm, it should be pretty easy to tell if a wardrobe's being moved or whether she's going at her flaps hammer and tongs. At least I hope they don't sound similar....

You never know, she might be a grunter...

Alternatively, she could just be watching the womens tennis.

[venom]

The problem, as I see it, is if she's any good at being a cleaner then she's likely to find this noise activated sound recorder and wonder what the fluck is going on. Far better to use a webcam. Motion sensitive and far more conclusive evidence!