Stupid film cliches
Discussion
Very lazy of me not to think of my own but some of these oldies fit the bill perfectly. Basically a handy guide to help people determine whether they're living in an 80's action flick:
Do you feel an uncontrollable desire to start your car by punching through the glass of the drivers door, then ripping wires from under the steering column?
Whenever you shift into gear and release the handbrake, does Kenny Loggins start playing?
Did you start your day at loggerheads with a hotheaded young buck, only to develop a grudging respect for their methods as the day wore on?
Do you cross the road by running into heavy traffic causing cars to squeal their brakes while you steady yourself on their bonnets?
Has your black superior officer given you just "twenty-four more hours to crack this case"? Will he "have your badge" if you "screw up"?
Before bedtime, do you feel it is likely you will be lured into some kind of climactic shoot-out in a hall of mirrors?
Are any of the following people nearby, sneering: Michael Ironside, Joss Ackland, Lance Henriksen, Carl Weathers, James Belushi, Eric Roberts, Jon Voight, Gary Busey, Danny Trejo, Christopher Walken, Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Bolo Yeung, Brion James, Frank Langella, or Will Patton?
Are you divorced and live in a cruddy little flat because your wife got the house and custody of the child, whose birthday you nearly always forget?
Is the arch-villian's base conveniently situated in an abandoned chemical factory near the old docks. Helpfully, does it have miles of ventiation ducting which, for no clear reason, has been built big enough to hold a man?
Before heading to this base, do you have a strange urge to wordlessly prepare and sheath guns, knives, grenades and a crossbow?
When shown on network television, does your dialogue contains words like "motherfarmer", "freak you" and "sockcutter"?
Does the arch-villain have a female martial arts sidekick of questionable sexuality who appears to want to duff up your female sidekick in a lengthy yet strangely bloodless fight?
Does a sort of 'king' henchman who is larger / blonder than the rest and doesn't really say much keep appearing?
Have you ever run from a burning building and flung yourself headlong behind a conveniently placed mound of earth at the precise moment the building explodes, thus ensuring you are not blown to smithereens, but merely have a few streaks of dust on your face?
Have you sustained wounds that would fell an adult elephant? But do you only grimace slightly then totally ignore them for the rest of the film, until your arch rival thrusts rusty metal spikes into them in the final confrontation?
Have you recently done something so spectacular that a nearby drunk has rubbed his eyes in disbelief before staring accusingly at his bottle?
Has the sardonic leader of a group of European terrorists spent the last ten minutes climbing somewhere absurdly high, only to plummet to his death, when he would have been perfectly OK had he stayed on the ground and just shot you?
At the conclusion of the movie, does your tough, uncompromising black police chief tell you: "You're suspended for two weeks with full pay - now get your ass to Miami Beach." (Then do credits role with hero cop in a bikini jam with cocktail and hot-rocking babe in hand)
Do you feel an uncontrollable desire to start your car by punching through the glass of the drivers door, then ripping wires from under the steering column?
Whenever you shift into gear and release the handbrake, does Kenny Loggins start playing?
Did you start your day at loggerheads with a hotheaded young buck, only to develop a grudging respect for their methods as the day wore on?
Do you cross the road by running into heavy traffic causing cars to squeal their brakes while you steady yourself on their bonnets?
Has your black superior officer given you just "twenty-four more hours to crack this case"? Will he "have your badge" if you "screw up"?
Before bedtime, do you feel it is likely you will be lured into some kind of climactic shoot-out in a hall of mirrors?
Are any of the following people nearby, sneering: Michael Ironside, Joss Ackland, Lance Henriksen, Carl Weathers, James Belushi, Eric Roberts, Jon Voight, Gary Busey, Danny Trejo, Christopher Walken, Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Bolo Yeung, Brion James, Frank Langella, or Will Patton?
Are you divorced and live in a cruddy little flat because your wife got the house and custody of the child, whose birthday you nearly always forget?
Is the arch-villian's base conveniently situated in an abandoned chemical factory near the old docks. Helpfully, does it have miles of ventiation ducting which, for no clear reason, has been built big enough to hold a man?
Before heading to this base, do you have a strange urge to wordlessly prepare and sheath guns, knives, grenades and a crossbow?
When shown on network television, does your dialogue contains words like "motherfarmer", "freak you" and "sockcutter"?
Does the arch-villain have a female martial arts sidekick of questionable sexuality who appears to want to duff up your female sidekick in a lengthy yet strangely bloodless fight?
Does a sort of 'king' henchman who is larger / blonder than the rest and doesn't really say much keep appearing?
Have you ever run from a burning building and flung yourself headlong behind a conveniently placed mound of earth at the precise moment the building explodes, thus ensuring you are not blown to smithereens, but merely have a few streaks of dust on your face?
Have you sustained wounds that would fell an adult elephant? But do you only grimace slightly then totally ignore them for the rest of the film, until your arch rival thrusts rusty metal spikes into them in the final confrontation?
Have you recently done something so spectacular that a nearby drunk has rubbed his eyes in disbelief before staring accusingly at his bottle?
Has the sardonic leader of a group of European terrorists spent the last ten minutes climbing somewhere absurdly high, only to plummet to his death, when he would have been perfectly OK had he stayed on the ground and just shot you?
At the conclusion of the movie, does your tough, uncompromising black police chief tell you: "You're suspended for two weeks with full pay - now get your ass to Miami Beach." (Then do credits role with hero cop in a bikini jam with cocktail and hot-rocking babe in hand)
Edited by Risotto on Thursday 19th February 22:30
Being pulled up a huge mountaineous sculpture of presidential faces then instantly having the camera change location, time and context to a shot of the rescuer kissing the pull - ees face at his wedding followed by credits.
Ghastly cliche and so very disappointing an end. Must have been directed by a rank amateur
Ghastly cliche and so very disappointing an end. Must have been directed by a rank amateur
Edited by TimJMS on Thursday 19th February 22:21
Two men carrying a sheet of glass!
All the occupants of a building being attacked by terrorists choosing to exit in different directions and not really in much of a hurry, they generally just jog around.
The suspect at the start of the crime film NEVER turns out to be the real killer.
Car never simply rolls off the end of a pier, it always hits some rampy thing and does a corkscrew roll with an angle approaching 45 degrees and stays airborne for at least six seconds.
All the occupants of a building being attacked by terrorists choosing to exit in different directions and not really in much of a hurry, they generally just jog around.
The suspect at the start of the crime film NEVER turns out to be the real killer.
Car never simply rolls off the end of a pier, it always hits some rampy thing and does a corkscrew roll with an angle approaching 45 degrees and stays airborne for at least six seconds.
Chainguy said:
fido said:
You can go faster by changing up yet another gear.
Of the 17 your car has came equipped with. I'm thinking opening sequence of the fast and the spurious here.RJB_666 said:
Chainguy said:
fido said:
You can go faster by changing up yet another gear.
Of the 17 your car has came equipped with. I'm thinking opening sequence of the fast and the spurious here.RJB_666 said:
Chainguy said:
fido said:
You can go faster by changing up yet another gear.
Of the 17 your car has came equipped with. I'm thinking opening sequence of the fast and the spurious here.When being chased by an axe murderer fumble the ignition key .. the car will only start after the fourth turn of the key
When you leave a restaurant, just throw some money on the table - it will always be the correct amount needed to pay the bill
Guns have no recoil and will not damage your shoulder
Machine gun bullets will trace a line towards you as you dive for cover but will never hit you
Sheltering behind a car door will protect you from gun fire
If playing an American Marine sergeant always chew on a cigar that never gets wet, soggy or flakes away
There is always room to have a good fight in a train sleeping compartment
After taking you to your destination, taxi drivers will always be happy to wait for you without you having to give them any money
Whoever you telephone will always be there to pick up the call after the first ring
Have a bubble bath - it will always protect your modesty.
Taxi drivers will always be happy to follow any vehicle you want even if it means breaking every traffic rule in the book
If taking part in a prolonged battle there's never any need to pack more than one or two spare magazines for your weapon. Neither is there any need to fasten your helmet strap as it will never come off
Edit: If playing a villain who has the drop on the hero, never shoot when you have the chance - always take a few minutes to explain what you're about to do
When you leave a restaurant, just throw some money on the table - it will always be the correct amount needed to pay the bill
Guns have no recoil and will not damage your shoulder
Machine gun bullets will trace a line towards you as you dive for cover but will never hit you
Sheltering behind a car door will protect you from gun fire
If playing an American Marine sergeant always chew on a cigar that never gets wet, soggy or flakes away
There is always room to have a good fight in a train sleeping compartment
After taking you to your destination, taxi drivers will always be happy to wait for you without you having to give them any money
Whoever you telephone will always be there to pick up the call after the first ring
Have a bubble bath - it will always protect your modesty.
Taxi drivers will always be happy to follow any vehicle you want even if it means breaking every traffic rule in the book
If taking part in a prolonged battle there's never any need to pack more than one or two spare magazines for your weapon. Neither is there any need to fasten your helmet strap as it will never come off
Edit: If playing a villain who has the drop on the hero, never shoot when you have the chance - always take a few minutes to explain what you're about to do
Edited by audidoody on Thursday 19th February 22:50
Pesty said:
Bad guys gun is never actualy loaded.
even in double action pistols with decocking action. Slide always has to be racked alerting good guy who has just enough time to turn around and kill bad guy.
Rarely matters whether bad guys guns are loaded or not since most, if not all, couldn't hit a cow's arse from 3 feet with a double bass.even in double action pistols with decocking action. Slide always has to be racked alerting good guy who has just enough time to turn around and kill bad guy.
Heroes on the other hand are all Olympic/Special Forces standard shots, even if they've worked in an office all their lives, been housewives etc
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