Middle aged virgins

[Gecko1978]

when i had depression I went through a phase of not wanting sex at all and my other half described the few times we did as like my mind was not there at all. So I can see how you might find it awkward or just not appealing etc. Ultimately not having any relationships when you want one is sad and I hope people who are finding it hard.never give up hope of finding someone to love.

[Ali G]

There may be a spectrum - and not all men want to shag all female friends (despite Hollywood)

It is who you feel most comfortable with sharing your innermost and are most comfortable with not betraying your innermost and with whom you wish to share companionship for the rest of forever.

Coitus has something to do with this, but not everything.

Dawkins (perhaps)

[JagLover]

Rich_W said:

Article said:

With the rise of the Me Too and Incel movements I have become even more fearful of trying to look for a partner should I be seen as violating someone's personal space

site said:

I felt women had the right to go about everyday life and enjoy a night out without having anyone approach them.

You can blame the Feminazis / Misandrists for that mindset. (not Feminists btw) And possibly the more high profile false Rape allegations.

"All men are bds/rapists/creeps"

Its why we've seen the rise in MGTOW etc. It's indirectly wired to the lower birth rates, and more people living alone in Western society.

I suspect there's also a link to Online Dating in there. If you are a more sensitive, not so confident guy. Being rejected everytime you write a message to a girl (invariably because lots of ladies on Tinder/POF/Match are Unicorn hunters) just reinforces the idea that they are not worthy.

It's a sad situation for the people concerned. But I'm not sure how you can help them.

Well the METoo movement is relatively recent but the environment it has created in terms of work place relationships is very toxic IMO. Not everyone is into the whole pub/club dating scene. I met my wife at work and know plenty who also met their other halves at work.

[alfaman]

Simple solution is to move to either South East Asia or the Middle East.

So many women who want to date / get jiggy with western men....

[Clockwork Cupcake]

alfaman said:

Completely different in Asia or ME .... as well educated professional white westerner ... even at 50++ ... plenty of interest and much better choices.

Although I would imagine it is not without its own challenges; telling apart the genuine from the gold diggers, for a start.

[Gargamel]

Clockwork Cupcake said:

alfaman said:

Completely different in Asia or ME .... as well educated professional white westerner ... even at 50++ ... plenty of interest and much better choices.

Although I would imagine it is not without its own challenges; telling apart the genuine from the gold diggers, for a start.

In those scenarios, they are all gold diggers ....

[alfaman]

Gargamel said:

Clockwork Cupcake said:

alfaman said:

Completely different in Asia or ME .... as well educated professional white westerner ... even at 50++ ... plenty of interest and much better choices.

Although I would imagine it is not without its own challenges; telling apart the genuine from the gold diggers, for a start.

In those scenarios, they are all gold diggers ....

not always so ... if you live somewhere like Singapore ..many of the professional (lawyers, finance, banking etc. ) Chinese-Singaporeans and other professional women from the region may prefer to date 'ang mohs' to local guys.

partly because most expats have a broader outlook on life / more experience, and also because of professional and career standing.

[alfaman]

Clockwork Cupcake said:

telling apart the genuine from the gold diggers, for a start.

to some extent yes .. if

1/ massively younger

and/ or

2/ poor or in very low paying work

...could be a major financial incentive .. need to be wary

[Frank7]

gregs656 said:

A friend of mine is heading into this territory. He's in his late 20s and has never come close to having a relationship, or even just meaningless sex or anything really.

In our friendship group we all know but he never brings it up so nor do we.

I sometimes wonder if he is gay and hides it all away but there is no obvious reason why he would do that as none of us would care.

I dunno. I do feel for him as I can't help but think the longer he leaves it the more it will impact his life.

Perhaps he is just not interested at all.

If I was reading this in the distant past, I would swear that you were talking about a work colleague of mine.
We were truck drivers for a multinational outfit, and as most guys do, not just blue collar workers, we’d usually nudge one another if a woman with an attractive figure came into view, or look at a centrefold in Playboy, and say things like, “I wouldn’t say no to that.”
Not him though, he’d kind of sneer, and turn away.
If a bunch of us were working away, up north, or in Wales or Scotland, and went to a bar and perhaps got into conversation with some girls, he’d walk away, and stand at the bar alone.
We wondered if maybe he had gay tendencies, but he showed no interest in any good looking guys that came anywhere near us, so we ruled that out.
One time, when a bunch of us were in Portugal, we snagged two Irish girls in a bar, and brought them back to our rented villa to use our pool.
He hadn’t been with us, but had stayed at the villa alone.
When we brought the girls in, one of them took an immediate shine to him, sitting with his legs in the pool, she was all over him like a cheap suit, getting her friend to photograph her with her arms draped over him, but he ignored her and slid into the pool, and swam away.
We poon hounds were amazed, any one of us would have been in there like a rat up a drainpipe, but she had eyes only for him.
Eventually, years later, I met up with a guy who had worked with us, and I asked if he had heard anything about the guy I’m talking about.
He said that the guy’s mother had got very ill, and had gone into a hospice.
While visiting her, he had met up with a woman who’s mother was also in there, and they would talk with each other.
One thing somehow had lead to another, and to my amazement, they had moved in together, after they’d both sold their houses, and bought a new one together.
When I related this to other former co-workers, they initially called me a liar, but I guess the moral is, it’s true, there’s someone out there for everyone, eventually.

[esxste]

Rich_W said:

You can blame the Feminazis / Misandrists for that mindset. (not Feminists btw) And possibly the more high profile false Rape allegations.

"All men are bds/rapists/creeps"

Its why we've seen the rise in MGTOW etc. It's indirectly wired to the lower birth rates, and more people living alone in Western society.

I suspect there's also a link to Online Dating in there. If you are a more sensitive, not so confident guy. Being rejected everytime you write a message to a girl (invariably because lots of ladies on Tinder/POF/Match are Unicorn hunters) just reinforces the idea that they are not worthy.

It's a sad situation for the people concerned. But I'm not sure how you can help them.

I disagree.

It's a convenient excuse to not even try to chat up a girl. They convince themselves the girls don't want to be approached; ergo they're doing the girl a favour and its absolutely nothing to do with their fear of rejection.


How you can help a friend in this situation? Help build up their confidence and keep them well away from tinder

[Ali G]

From memory, Singapore had a challenge in encouraging the young ladies and gents to couple for life, and the dear leader arranged 'getting to know one another' cruises to make it so.

Then again, Singapore girl was available, licensed and approved at assorted massage establishments.

Strictly no chewing gum though!

It's a funny old world.

[captain_cynic]

Dr Jekyll said:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-44143003

Some extraordinary stories of middle aged people who apparently have never had sex. Not very little, not have gone without for years on end, absolutely never. I feel for the guy who resorted to a prostitute only for her to turn him down.

Erm... To be turned down by a Prozzie... A Quasimodo mute with halitosis can get laid by paying for it. Either that is an exaggeration (a nice way of saying outright lie) or there is something seriously wrong with that person.

The only reason I can think of for a prostitute turning someone down is if they think they're a threat, a prostitutes biggest fear is being killed, raped and eaten (preferably in that order). OTOH, socially awkward guys are their bread and butter.

I'm pretty sure the "incel" phenomena is just the latest in a long line of "I want to hate women but still want to pretend I'm a victim" clubs. The latest iteration of MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) or ROK (Return of Kings).

Rich_W said:

You can blame the Feminazis / Misandrists for that mindset. (not Feminists btw) And possibly the more high profile false Rape allegations.

"All men are bds/rapists/creeps"

Its why we've seen the rise in MGTOW etc.

And here's the MGTOW way of thinking. "Its not my fault no-one likes me, it must be those ebil feminiazis". Lets ignore that actual militant feminism has actually been diminishing for decades, even #MeToo is now passe. Its that people want to be bigots and look for any excuse to avoid changing.

Its much easier to blame all women for your failings than to change.

[bloomen]

Virginity doesn't really have a great deal to do with sex itself, it's far more about the endorsement from another person that you're worthwhile enough to shag and that's what torments people. And that's why going to a hooker would solve nothing.

Once that's out the way you can have a think about what the actual act means to you. I've no particular plans to shag again. It hasn't brought me any happiness when I was at it.

I'm not asexual, but there's definitely some sort of disconnect between me and my body. It doesn't respond in the way I see the other person is feeling it. I like the idea of it more than the reality and that's not enough to bother pursuing more of it.

[HTP99]

Frank7 said:

gregs656 said:

A friend of mine is heading into this territory. He's in his late 20s and has never come close to having a relationship, or even just meaningless sex or anything really.

In our friendship group we all know but he never brings it up so nor do we.

I sometimes wonder if he is gay and hides it all away but there is no obvious reason why he would do that as none of us would care.

I dunno. I do feel for him as I can't help but think the longer he leaves it the more it will impact his life.

Perhaps he is just not interested at all.

If I was reading this in the distant past, I would swear that you were talking about a work colleague of mine.
We were truck drivers for a multinational outfit, and as most guys do, not just blue collar workers, we’d usually nudge one another if a woman with an attractive figure came into view, or look at a centrefold in Playboy, and say things like, “I wouldn’t say no to that.”
Not him though, he’d kind of sneer, and turn away.
If a bunch of us were working away, up north, or in Wales or Scotland, and went to a bar and perhaps got into conversation with some girls, he’d walk away, and stand at the bar alone.
We wondered if maybe he had gay tendencies, but he showed no interest in any good looking guys that came anywhere near us, so we ruled that out.
One time, when a bunch of us were in Portugal, we snagged two Irish girls in a bar, and brought them back to our rented villa to use our pool.
He hadn’t been with us, but had stayed at the villa alone.
When we brought the girls in, one of them took an immediate shine to him, sitting with his legs in the pool, she was all over him like a cheap suit, getting her friend to photograph her with her arms draped over him, but he ignored her and slid into the pool, and swam away.
We poon hounds were amazed, any one of us would have been in there like a rat up a drainpipe, but she had eyes only for him.
Eventually, years later, I met up with a guy who had worked with us, and I asked if he had heard anything about the guy I’m talking about.
He said that the guy’s mother had got very ill, and had gone into a hospice.
While visiting her, he had met up with a woman who’s mother was also in there, and they would talk with each other.
One thing somehow had lead to another, and to my amazement, they had moved in together, after they’d both sold their houses, and bought a new one together.
When I related this to other former co-workers, they initially called me a liar, but I guess the moral is, it’s true, there’s someone out there for everyone, eventually.

Some guys are massively shy around women, I used to be; when I was younger if a girl/woman came on to me I'd clam up and not know what to do, I would try and avoid those sort of situations, I had zero confidence when it came to women, my best mate was the complete opposite.

Contrary to popular belief not all guys want to shag around either and women who massively come on to you can be quite intimidating, some guys like that and some don't.

Edited by HTP99 on Tuesday 22 May 11:40

[alfaman]

Ali G said:

From memory, Singapore had a challenge in encouraging the young ladies and gents to couple for life, and the dear leader arranged 'getting to know one another' cruises to make it so.

Then again, Singapore girl was available, licensed and approved at assorted massage establishments.

Strictly no chewing gum though!

It's a funny old world.

Yep - birthrate is low ... common with a lot of hard-working cultures (also an issue in Korea Japan and maybe China)

The women who work in various nefarious bars are not usually Singaporean (so I’ve been reliably informed )

[Moonhawk]

HTP99 said:

Some guys are massively shy around women, I used to be; when I was younger if a girl/woman came on to me I'd clam up and not know what to do, I would try and avoid those sort of situations.

I was like that. I was (and still am) very highly sexed, but just couldn't seem to say or do the right things around women. I wasn't particularly popular at school and was rubbish at the dating game. I just couldn't compete with my peers. Nothing wrong with me per-se, i'm no Brad Pitt - but not Shane MacGowan either, I just suffered from crippling shyness around women.

I was 21 before I properly lost my virginity to a much more experienced woman who very much took the lead.

I'm still with her 22 years on.

[Lanker22]

Thank God for Tinder is all I can say!

[DurianIceCream]

Clockwork Cupcake said:

Although I would imagine it is not without its own challenges; telling apart the genuine from the gold diggers, for a start.

And the ladyboys. Sometimes you don't notice until it's too late, esp after a few drinks

[Disastrous]

Those are some genuinely quite sad stories. It’s made me think a bit, as it’s really not something I ever considered before. I behaved appallingly in my teens/twenties, playing in bands and chasing girls, and it never occurred to me that it was something special to some people.

I suppose like everything, there’s a spectrum. I imagine at one end there are actual freaks and the other just some painfully shy but nice people

[Cold]

I've been on my own for about ten years now. I suppose it would be quite nice to have someone in my life again but the whole process is such a crappy thing to go through that I just can't face it.
Meh, no big deal really.