**** boiling Orange Order
Discussion
daphantom said:
The orangemen kept to their side of the bargain by NOT playing instruments , just walking past silently. But, as usual the residents came a mile out of their area to be offended. They are now having their annual wreck their own area/fight the PSNI spree. I live 5 miles from Ardoyne and believe me no matter what is suggested , the local thugs will find something to "rebel" against. Hopefully the pictures on the national news say more than words to the watching mainland and even the decent people of the Republic of Ireland
What a pathetic load of dribble, crawl back under the nasty, hate filled little rock that you came from or as others have said. Grow up.chim said:
daphantom said:
The orangemen kept to their side of the bargain by NOT playing instruments , just walking past silently. But, as usual the residents came a mile out of their area to be offended. They are now having their annual wreck their own area/fight the PSNI spree. I live 5 miles from Ardoyne and believe me no matter what is suggested , the local thugs will find something to "rebel" against. Hopefully the pictures on the national news say more than words to the watching mainland and even the decent people of the Republic of Ireland
What a pathetic load of dribble, crawl back under the nasty, hate filled little rock that you came from or as others have said. Grow up.Edited by sportka1 on Wednesday 13th July 22:21
sportka1 said:
oh i looked at that and just laughed. what part is dribble then? the part about the residents maybe? oh nope that bit is not only true,but its understated. there has been people convicted of rioting there that came from not only a mile away,but over 30 miles away, maybe you think that the orangemen play music while walking,oh wait nope they dont,the orangemen dont play,thats the bands and in the area the band will march with a single drummer marking the pace only.
Nope, you're just not getting it are you...Edited by sportka1 on Wednesday 13th July 22:21
With folk like you lot in N.I, it's no wonder that the place is knackered at the mo.
Do you really not see the consequences of this? Are you actually that blinkered? Honestly, words fail me.
chim said:
What a pathetic load of dribble, crawl back under the nasty, hate filled little rock that you came from or as others have said. Grow up.
hate filled? Please note i was posting on here on 12th july (obviously the biggest day in orange calendar). Surely that tells you something? I only say about events as i see them (and i know more than most on here about the current situation) and refrain from being an armchair expert like some on here. By the way (not that i need to explain to the a
holes on here) my 3 kids all go to integrated schoolsdaphantom said:
hate filled? Please note i was posting on here on 12th july (obviously the biggest day in orange calendar). Surely that tells you something? I only say about events as i see them (and i know more than most on here about the current situation) and refrain from being an armchair expert like some on here. By the way (not that i need to explain to the aholes on here) my 3 kids all go to integrated schools
Yep.holes on here) my 3 kids all go to integrated schoolsAgain, do you not see it either?
The fact that your kids go to integrated schools means nothing, absolutely nothing at all. The vast majority of people in the UK went to integrated schools. Most of us didn't even notice that fact. Let alone bring it up to try and prove something.
THAT is the problem that you aren't getting. You are seperating people in your own mind based on religion. Normal, non bigoted people don't do that, or at least, they shouldn't.
Since you are styling yourself as an expert, then please tell us how this problem is to be solved? How is Orange marching NOT contributing to the problem? How is it helping?
I'll be very interested in your replies.
IforB said:
Yep.
Again, do you not see it either?
The fact that your kids go to integrated schools means nothing, absolutely nothing at all. The vast majority of people in the UK went to integrated schools. Most of us didn't even notice that fact. Let alone bring it up to try and prove something.
THAT is the problem that you aren't getting. You are seperating people in your own mind based on religion. Normal, non bigoted people don't do that, or at least, they shouldn't.
Since you are styling yourself as an expert, then please tell us how this problem is to be solved? How is Orange marching NOT contributing to the problem? How is it helping?
I'll be very interested in your replies.
But surely a sage such as yourself can see that IT IS a big deal over here to break the mould of centuries + send kids to an fledgling integrated system. Small steps i agree but, its something i believe that needs to be done. Unfortunately religion is a bigger deal in NI than it is in the rest of the UK and is ingrained in everyday life (work, school, areas where we live, business etc). I think that the orange marches should (and will be) phased down to take part in only where theyre welcome. The scenes from Ardoyne are too often portrayed as marching through a nationalist area (those shops are a good half mile from where these residents live). The actual houses you see on TV are in an area that WANT the marches. Now do you GET IT?Again, do you not see it either?
The fact that your kids go to integrated schools means nothing, absolutely nothing at all. The vast majority of people in the UK went to integrated schools. Most of us didn't even notice that fact. Let alone bring it up to try and prove something.
THAT is the problem that you aren't getting. You are seperating people in your own mind based on religion. Normal, non bigoted people don't do that, or at least, they shouldn't.
Since you are styling yourself as an expert, then please tell us how this problem is to be solved? How is Orange marching NOT contributing to the problem? How is it helping?
I'll be very interested in your replies.
daphantom said:
But surely a sage such as yourself can see that IT IS a big deal over here to break the mould of centuries + send kids to an fledgling integrated system. Small steps i agree but, its something i believe that needs to be done. Unfortunately religion is a bigger deal in NI than it is in the rest of the UK and is ingrained in everyday life (work, school, areas where we live, business etc). I think that the orange marches should (and will be) phased down to take part in only where theyre welcome. The scenes from Ardoyne are too often portrayed as marching through a nationalist area (those shops are a good half mile from where these residents live). The actual houses you see on TV are in an area that WANT the marches. Now do you GET IT?
You're confusing religion with seclusion and bigotry.daphantom said:
But surely a sage such as yourself can see that IT IS a big deal over here to break the mould of centuries + send kids to an fledgling integrated system. Small steps i agree but, its something i believe that needs to be done. Unfortunately religion is a bigger deal in NI than it is in the rest of the UK and is ingrained in everyday life (work, school, areas where we live, business etc). I think that the orange marches should (and will be) phased down to take part in only where theyre welcome. The scenes from Ardoyne are too often portrayed as marching through a nationalist area (those shops are a good half mile from where these residents live). The actual houses you see on TV are in an area that WANT the marches. Now do you GET IT?
All it shows is how far N.I has to come. This is the 21st century. Going to an integrated school shouldn't even be thought to normal non-religious non-nutters.I couldn't give a monkeys if the marches were through the Vatican or Ian Paisley's living room. They happen in public places where anyone is entitled to be whether they are black, white, protestant or catholic.
What's this nonsense about "nationalist" areas? The fact that in people's minds these things still exist is a major issue. That's what you seem to not understand.
You might think that steps have been made and in some ways they have, but in reality much of NI is still in the dark ages. Particularly the section that think marching is not causing problems.
FFS, will you all just stop it and let this sorry thread die?
Sides A and B will never agree, outsiders will think we're all cocks, no-one will come out of this thread as the acceptable face of NI to the outside world whether that's Australia, the USA or even our neighbours on the UK mainland who still don't get us.
So, Unionists, Nationalists, Loyalists and Republicans, for the sake of not making our wee country look like it's populated only by crazed zealots, can we all just shut the fk up?
Sides A and B will never agree, outsiders will think we're all cocks, no-one will come out of this thread as the acceptable face of NI to the outside world whether that's Australia, the USA or even our neighbours on the UK mainland who still don't get us.
So, Unionists, Nationalists, Loyalists and Republicans, for the sake of not making our wee country look like it's populated only by crazed zealots, can we all just shut the f
k up?Edited by Papa Hotel on Wednesday 13th July 23:48
Heres some tourist information for Norn Iron!
Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
IforB said:
All it shows is how far N.I has to come. This is the 21st century. Going to an integrated school shouldn't even be thought to normal non-religious non-nutters.
I couldn't give a monkeys if the marches were through the Vatican or Ian Paisley's living room. They happen in public places where anyone is entitled to be whether they are black, white, protestant or catholic.
What's this nonsense about "nationalist" areas? The fact that in people's minds these things still exist is a major issue. That's what you seem to not understand.
You might think that steps have been made and in some ways they have, but in reality much of NI is still in the dark ages. Particularly the section that think marching is not causing problems.
Thats just summed you up im afraid. I'll collect you from the airport, drape you in your national flag + drop you off in one of these mythical places + see how you get on lol. Youre total ignorance of the facts/realities of NI have become blatantly apparent in your last post. I actually thought you might be a wee bit clued in but, alas. Sure, hit back with personal insults now to show everyone on here how clever you are + that youve all your fingers on the pulse. I'd rather have a debate with someone who knows even a teeny weeny bit lol. Night all. Enjoy utopia lolI couldn't give a monkeys if the marches were through the Vatican or Ian Paisley's living room. They happen in public places where anyone is entitled to be whether they are black, white, protestant or catholic.
What's this nonsense about "nationalist" areas? The fact that in people's minds these things still exist is a major issue. That's what you seem to not understand.
You might think that steps have been made and in some ways they have, but in reality much of NI is still in the dark ages. Particularly the section that think marching is not causing problems.
daphantom said:
Thats just summed you up im afraid. I'll collect you from the airport, drape you in your national flag + drop you off in one of these mythical places + see how you get on lol. Youre total ignorance of the facts/realities of NI have become blatantly apparent in your last post. I actually thought you might be a wee bit clued in but, alas. Sure, hit back with personal insults now to show everyone on here how clever you are + that youve all your fingers on the pulse. I'd rather have a debate with someone who knows even a teeny weeny bit lol. Night all. Enjoy utopia lol
If you walk through a wee village 5 miles from my house in a tricolour, you're likely to get a kicking, so I'm afraid your idea that I haven't got a clue about this doesn't quite work out.I've seen Orange marches, I know the meaning behind it when people ask me what school I went to and could even recite you the words to the sash if my life depended on it, oddly though, my grandmother had a picture of me blessed by the pope when I was a kid...
So I'd hardly say i was ignorant of the scale of the problem. I sit in the middle. I think both "sides" are eejits.
I know what reality is. My point is that you are excusing the atrocious behaviour and that your mindset is one of someone who accepts the problems as being "not that bad."
I wouldn't walk through Brixton in a Klu Klux Klan outfit without expecting to be stabbed in the face. (Though seeing how Brixton has changed over the last few years, I'd probably be seen as making an ironic statement and left alone...) That doesn't mean that it's acceptable to beat someone up just because of the clothes they wear or the fact they support McLaren rather Ferrari (bringing it back to something to do with motoring...)
Now, if that's the best argument you can come up with to defend your views and if you are an example of the "average" person, then I'm afraid N.I is screwed as there is obviously no hope of reconcilliation as separatism is not just accepted, but expected. That's the really sad thing.
sportka1 said:
Heres some tourist information for Norn Iron!
Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
That's really very good!Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
sportka1 said:
Heres some tourist information for Norn Iron!
Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
That's funny. Pity you didn't write it, but amusing nonetheless.Good morning, tourists.
Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.
Political information has not been included in your brochures, so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. (Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans. Now pay attention.)
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland.
Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France.
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the
South. No, not the south, the South. (Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant's Causeway instead. You cannot miss it - it is near a car park.)
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D!il, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money.
The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. (Note for Americans tracing their ancestors - fuel launderers are descendants of one branch of the ancient Irish tribe known as Na N!teoir! [launderers]. They are found today mainly near the border. The other branch of the family, money launderers, are found all over Ireland. It was Na N!teoir! Ola who composed the ancient Irish air, "I love the smell of freshly laundered diesel in the morning.")
Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.. (Note for Germans learning English - a cross-border body is an organisation, not a Sinn F!in minister who travels frequently between Belfast and Dublin. It should not be confused with a cross border-body
which is a grumpy person in Strabane.)
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. (Note to visitors from North Korea - we told you that you would feel at home in Ireland.)
Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
All IRAs claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. We now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRAs. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers
because it is the easiest to spell. (Literacy levels are improving. Department of Education inspectors report that every Catholic child at Key Stage 2 can now spell IRA.)
So now the rest of you want to go to the Giant's Causeway as well? Fine, but before you go, did you know that the causeway was an attempt in the Tertiary geological period to build an interpretative centre but the developer ran out of political connections?
Oh dear, they appear to have gone - which shows that politicians may advocate tourism but the systems and society they have produced do little to encourage it.
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