Bagged myself a new job as an Expert
Discussion
I've been unsatisfied with my job for some time so I decided to become an Expert, and that's why I enrolled myself at Sir Bobby Bobble B*llocks University to do a course in Unsuccessfully Locking Myself In A Bag (BA Hons). Well you will be pleased to know that on the three hundredth attempt I passed the exam by failing it and now I'm a pro.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/apr/27/mi6-offic...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/apr/27/mi6-offic...
graun said:
Experts who tried and failed to lock themselves into a sports bag identical to that in which MI6 officer Gareth Williams was found believed it likely a third party was involved, his inquest heard, as it emerged he browsed self-bondage websites and videoed himself naked in boots.
Peter Faulding, who tried 300 times, said he believed Williams was either dead or unconscious when placed in the holdall.
...
The inquest was shown a video of Faulding's attempts, as he explained it would have been extremely hot in the bag, and Williams would have been able to survive for 30 minutes at most.
A second expert who, with an assistant, tried and failed 100 times to padlock the bag from the inside, refused to rule out the possibility that Williams, who was extremely fit and an accomplished mountaineer and fell runner, had locked himself in.
Peter Faulding, who tried 300 times, said he believed Williams was either dead or unconscious when placed in the holdall.
...
The inquest was shown a video of Faulding's attempts, as he explained it would have been extremely hot in the bag, and Williams would have been able to survive for 30 minutes at most.
A second expert who, with an assistant, tried and failed 100 times to padlock the bag from the inside, refused to rule out the possibility that Williams, who was extremely fit and an accomplished mountaineer and fell runner, had locked himself in.
In case you're wondering:
1: Pretty good for a first attempt, but I forgot to bring the bag.
2: Got the bag, but forgot to get in it. What a t
t.
3: This bag's already locked.
4: Hey, this bag's got a dead man in it!
...
176: NOT THE BEES NUBAGLUBEYES AAARRRRGGGHHH
...
298: SO close. I can DO this.
299: LOCKED IN THE BAG LIKE A CHAMP
300: Forgot to tell anyone what I was up to.
Well, at least this beats working for MI6. Hello?
1: Pretty good for a first attempt, but I forgot to bring the bag.
2: Got the bag, but forgot to get in it. What a t
t.3: This bag's already locked.
4: Hey, this bag's got a dead man in it!
...
176: NOT THE BEES NUBAGLUBEYES AAARRRRGGGHHH
...
298: SO close. I can DO this.
299: LOCKED IN THE BAG LIKE A CHAMP
300: Forgot to tell anyone what I was up to.
Well, at least this beats working for MI6. Hello?
billybob69 said:
a whole industry around wasting money.
A retarded chimp could say he was gay and locked in by someone else.
Yes, but a retarded chimp is allowed to use the powers of supposition. And also would refuse to accept at face value the suggestion that the £20,000 of women's clothing in the wardrobe was to be given to someone as a gift. A retarded chimp could say he was gay and locked in by someone else.
"An expert? A fking expert in what!?" was my animated comment when this was reported on TV. A degree in Self-bag-lockage, no doubt, with a minor in Sports-related-perversions from the university of fk Me Sideways. Could I lock myself in a gym bag? No, but then again I'm PH-standard powerfully built and just getting into the car can be a challenge, but I can easily imagine that someone who a) is a dwarf and b) spends their spare time padlocking themselves to beds and browsing bondage sites would have a better idea of the practicalities and thus be better equipped to face the challenge.
And that's just ridiculous. Why didn't the staff remove him?
king expert in what!?" was my animated comment when this was reported on TV. A degree in Self-bag-lockage, no doubt, with a minor in Sports-related-perversions from the university of fk Me Sideways. Could I lock myself in a gym bag? No, but then again I'm PH-standard powerfully built and just getting into the car can be a challenge, but I can easily imagine that someone who a) is a dwarf and b) spends their spare time padlocking themselves to beds and browsing bondage sites would have a better idea of the practicalities and thus be better equipped to face the challenge.trashbat said:
graun said:
...as it emerged he browsed self-bondage websites and videoed himself naked in boots.
I feel for his family, really I do. But there is more than a hint of complete denial creeping in. Someone ties themselves to the bed and then has to be freed by the landlady? I think it's safe to say he was into this sort of thing. The shoes were presents for his sister? Well, he should perhaps have bought them in her size then, not his. The lawyer for the family sounds like an idiot to me - claiming that MI6 had used ''the Dark Arts'', and then accusing the man's boss of depriving the family of the chance to say a proper goodbye because he didn't raise the alarm earlier. I mean - behave! If one of my colleagues doesn't turn up for work I don't automatically think ''Oh st, I hope he isn't dead inside a holdall in his own bath'' Whether he locked himself in there or got someone else to do it, it isn't looking as if it was an entirely novel experience for him. Terrible waste of a young life.
t, I hope he isn't dead inside a holdall in his own bath'' Whether he locked himself in there or got someone else to do it, it isn't looking as if it was an entirely novel experience for him. Terrible waste of a young life. Edited by TheSnitch on Saturday 28th April 08:52
That's a relief; I'd read most of the newspaper reports, which as noted dance around the issue and convey no useful information. So the conclusion is that he was a raving pervert and a stupid one at that; if you're into extreme bondage It would seem sensible to either find a like-minded companion or hire an obliging dominatrix to act as safety man, ready to leap into action when the 'safe' word is uttered. An alternative for the poor and/or lonely would be to have a stanley knife with you to aid 'exfiltration' once the bag's locked and you've 'spent your money'. 
Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 28th April 01:29
hidetheelephants said:
That's a relief; I'd read most of the newspaper reports, which as noted dance around the issue and convey no useful information. So the conclusion is that he was a raving pervert and a stupid one at that; if you're into extreme bondage It would seem sensible to either find a like-minded companion or hire an obliging dominatrix to act as safety man, ready to leap into action when the 'safe' word is uttered. An alternative for the poor and/or lonely would be to have a stanley knife with you to aid 'exfiltration' once the bag's locked and you've 'spent your money'.
How does someone who is a "raving pervert" who's into "extreme bondage" masterbate?Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 28th April 01:29
i thought they missed the other side to this,
Even if he could lock himself in, they didn't show whether or not someone could get themselves out. i mean, life- threatening situation, adrelanline pumping, you'd think even the finest North Face material could be breakable, so if he was in there of his own volition, why did he not just go nuts and rip himself out? Surely even straightening a leg would have been enough?
But no, we get the comedy sketch of people not being able to get in, and certainly not being able to do it without putting their hands on the walls etc, which given they said there were no identifiable prints, hardly makes things clearer.
Even if he could lock himself in, they didn't show whether or not someone could get themselves out. i mean, life- threatening situation, adrelanline pumping, you'd think even the finest North Face material could be breakable, so if he was in there of his own volition, why did he not just go nuts and rip himself out? Surely even straightening a leg would have been enough?
But no, we get the comedy sketch of people not being able to get in, and certainly not being able to do it without putting their hands on the walls etc, which given they said there were no identifiable prints, hardly makes things clearer.
groak said:
Yes we were wondering that too. Why was the bog so filthy?
I watched it again, the rest of the flat was just poorly rendered (glitches galore which made it look odd) but yeah, the bathroom was filthy in the render. I can only assume that the decomposition led to bacteria (moulds?) growing rapidly around the rest of the bathroom?From what I have seen all the "experts" are trying to get in the bag, zip it and the apply the lock. The bag had those large tooth Nylon double ended type zips which you can split with a ball point pen and then re-thread by running the tags along the length. This would mean that you could lock it from the outside with ease, open the zip, get in and resite the zip to the closed position. Sorted
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwfYuUPcgHg
Just for interest - Where the hell did they get the experts from, I mean is there a list for this sort of st of what?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwfYuUPcgHg
Just for interest - Where the hell did they get the experts from, I mean is there a list for this sort of s
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