Domestic financials
Discussion
Just interested in how people manage their domestic finances with the other half.
For example did you keep your own current accounts when you got together, get a joint account, a joint bills account etc. and how do you handle major house purchase items (e.g. furniture, electricals,) and the payment of bills ( utilities, entertainment, presents, holidays)?
How do you deal with finances for those of you where your spouse doesn't work outside the house?
Bit of a loaded question in so far as my wife doesn't work outside the house and we have had some financial disagreements. Further mucky details to follow once I have your unbiased views and practices.
That is a pretty mixed lot:
So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
Pothole said:
How long ago were these things? If not in the past 6 months to a year, then the answer is probably "absolutely nothing".
Except perhaps therapy.
All recent. The dogs she sees as financial control was simply that she stays in bed most days until 10am, and i am the one having to get up an hour early and sacrifice my morning ride out to walk them. She can have another dog anytime she wishes if she walks them, feeds and takes them to the vet. Except perhaps therapy.
The kitchen work surfaces are in the 'wrong' colour marble with a £10k price tag. She also wants to have the klitchen cabinets resprayed which we have agreed we will do once some building work is over
The watch I offered to buy her last week when we saw it in the jewellers window and she refused saying it wasn't the same if I had to ask her and take her into the shop, it should be a surprise and i probably didn't really want to spend it. I am not into £700 surprises, as her tastes are very precise and I am a bloke who just scratches a lot.
I sense/fear that money is becoming the proxy for love.
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