How to stop birds sh*tting on our swing

[Legend83]

We have a lovely wooden-framed swing for the children in the garden but it would appear birds are enjoying having a perch on the wooden cross-beam and emptying their bowels all over the swing seat.

Any bright ideas on how to put them off? I considered wrapping and affixing some holly round the beam as that can't be too comfortable to sit on!

[Rotaree]

Try these I reckon that should do the job

[carreauchompeur]

Don't invite them round again.

[C0ffin D0dger]

Fix a cat to the cross beam?

[skilly1]

I'm no expert but I would suggest smearing golden eagle dung all over the swing. It works with lion dung and cats.

[Timmy40]

Shotgun.

[Dr Mike Oxgreen]

Get a plastic owl and attach it to the cross beam? Downside is that you might not get any small birds in your garden at all.

[schmunk]

Wooden, hmmmm, so we can't electrify the structure.

Time for Plan B.

[Timmy40]

Park your car next to the swing so the birds can st on that instead?

[carreauchompeur]

st on it first. They won't like that.

[Rickyy]

Nail some carpet gripper across the cross beam. I'd imagine birds are clever enough not to stand on spikey things.

[Jonboy_t]

C0ffin D0dger said:

Fix a cat to the cross beam?

Definitely this.

But then how do you stop other cats getting up there and scrapping with stuck-o-cat?

OP, you also need to staple a dog up there with stuck-o-cat to stop this escalating.

[Legend83]

Thanks for the very useful and practical suggestions chaps!

[C0ffin D0dger]

Jonboy_t said:

Definitely this.

But then how do you stop other cats getting up there and scrapping with stuck-o-cat?

OP, you also need to staple a dog up there with stuck-o-cat to stop this escalating.

Just make sure it's the biggest and meanest cat in the area. The other cats will stay away then. Until they figure out it's stuck and can't fight back anyway

[Spare tyre]

couple of bits of string on the end of some nails, pull it tight, they wont want to land on that

as an alternative, can you turn the seat over when not in use, or tie / hook it up vertically?

[normalbloke]

Invert the seat when not in use for starters....

[rfisher]

I hammered nails through the top of a nesting box once to stop a particularly dumb bird s(h)itting on it all day.

All that happened was that it stood between the nails on 1 foot, balanced up against a nail with its gut.

Mofo.

[stargazer30]

Get one of those ultrasound bird sounders? They use them on airports right.

PS - if a 747 lands in your garden, not my fault

[skilly1]

Good idea, you need a bird scarer

[dudleybloke]

You need a sensor to detect when the birds land and a solenoid to pull the trigger on the M134.