I have a mental neighbour

[911motorsport]

Last night whilst watching Police Interceptors I heard my letter box flap go. It was quite late so I got up to see what it was.

It was a note from one of my neighbours.

They have asked for a contribution towards their electricity bill because my cat is apparently "delibratly(sic) and repeatingly(sic) setting of their security light". This has allegedly been happening for months.

a) I don't own a cat (I suspect the cat next door to me is the 'culprit')

b) In light of a) what should my return note say?

[911motorsport]

dibbers006 said:

Quality!

some crackers there!

I am thinking of posting a reply back along the lines of:

"I am sorry to hear of your problems with my neighbour's cat. You likely thought it was mine as it spends a lot of time in my garden too. I know the cat quite well; in fact it is friends with your next door but one neighbour's cat (and I have seen them whispering at the fence). I think it has become a game between the two of them as one night I saw them taking it in turns. If anything, the ginger one seems to be egging my neighbour's cat on, (on a few occasions it has given me a sarcastic look). Your request for assistance with the electricity bill might be better directed to the owner of the ginger cat.

[911motorsport]

Chilli said:

Zeek said:

You absolutely must get yourself a cat costume like this and keep setting off his lights...

Oh, the images...Brilliant!

I'm liking this, a lot

[911motorsport]

If I could lure that it wouldn't be to my neighbour

[911motorsport]

carreauchompeur said:

This is utter gold. I think the cat suit is a good one. OP, can you post a picture/scan of the note? I want to know if it's written in mad person spidery scrawl!

Decide for yourself!

[911motorsport]

Poledriver said:

Well OP, what is your next step?

I'm not entirely sure to be honest; things have taken a somewhat sinister turn

Last night, with my interest piqued, I positioned myself by an upstairs window to see if I could observe what exactly might be happening. After about 10 minutes I got bored, but as I started to turn away his security light came on!

After a short pause I heard what I imagine to be a wooden spoon being bashed repeatedly on to the base of a large saucepan (like they do at some of the bigger cricket matches). This went on for a minute or so, followed by the slamming of a back door.

I waited for a while longer but the light never came back on.

I did however spot the silhouette of a cat perched on the fence just behind his shed

[911motorsport]

touching cloth said:

Next time they bang the saucepan, arrange a small marching band to join in, trooping across the lawn knocking out the theme music for TopCat.

inspired

[911motorsport]

Beardy10 said:

This is hilarious!

I love the idea of the catnip and photocopying the note and sending to all the neighbours.

I also reckon you should set up a loudspeaker somewhere so you can play cat sounds....it'll drive him mad...he's bound to come looking for the cat.

This website is absolute goldust...you could have hours of fun

http://kessels.com/CatSounds/

I'm thinking of going with this one

http://kessels.com/CatSounds/lion3.wav

or this one immediately after the saucepan banging..........

http://kessels.com/CatSounds/Sylvester1.wav

Edited by 911motorsport on Thursday 4th November 21:55

[911motorsport]

And so it goes on!

2 Episodes on the saucepan last night. On the last one a cat exited his garden like an excocet missile

I'm building a picture now.

I think 'my cat' has desires on a cat two doors up from him

It just so happens that to get to the object of his desires he has to cross 'no-man's land'

Which he is doing, "repeatingly"

[911motorsport]

[911motorsport]

I don't want him to start harpooning the things

I seriously think this would push him beyond the point of return

Edited by 911motorsport on Friday 5th November 10:23

[911motorsport]

I was intrigued by the references to Catnip. Makes for interesting reading. Basicaly it is ghanja for cats

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nepeta_cataria

To suggest that I stoke the poor thing up on weed and let it lollop around in his garden whilst being persued by a beaten saucepan is just plain cruel isn't it

Edited by 911motorsport on Friday 5th November 10:57

[911motorsport]

Crusha

[911motorsport]

That image is wrong though.

This guy is late fifties/early sixties, 5'4" with a full comb-over, and a penchant for farrah slacks and bowling club blazer.

Anything to fit that?

Edited by 911motorsport on Friday 5th November 15:32

[911motorsport]

Elskeggso said:

Can you try and get a photo of him?

I'll try, but he's very quick and not very friendly around strangers.

[911motorsport]

Poledriver said:

911motorsport said:

That image is wrong though.

This guy is late fifties/early sixties, 5'4" with a full comb-over, and a penchant for farrah slacks and bowling club blazer.

Anything to fit that?

Is this him?

Superb comb-over, but no, that's not like him.

He looks very much like the guy who starred in a series in the '70s. I can't remeber the name but he rented out bedsits. He had a well spoken black tenant and a middle aged lady that he fancied, a Miss Jones or Joan?

Edited by 911motorsport on Friday 5th November 23:28

[911motorsport]

That's our man!

[911motorsport]

Poledriver said:

911, any updates?

Only that it's ongoing

The fireworks have added a random factor, with a variety of hitherto unseen cats sprinting through his garden to escape the noise, and then veering off to avoid the nutter with the saucepan.

The light seems to be on almost permanently at the moment

[911motorsport]

Sadly no 'playing along' on my part has been neccessary to see things escalate further

I have since received a demand for a replacement bulb as 'my cat' through his 'vindicative(sic) behaviour' has burnt it out through 'repeatingly' setting it off.

He has apparently shown this expired bulb (along with the B&Q receipt) to the 'lady from the PCSO' and she agreed it should last a lot longer than 2 months.

As this latest 'letter' was also marked 'without prejudice' my patience is starting to wear thin. I am now seriously reviewing some of the excellent suggestions here-in.

Edited by 911motorsport on Friday 12th November 13:18

[911motorsport]

Matt_N said:

911motorsport said:

Sadly no 'playing along' on my part has been neccessary to see things escalate further

Oh, touchy!

:

My rolly eyes were directed at the mental neighbour's unwarranted escalation