Likely outcome for being rude to a passport control man
Discussion
TOENHEEL said:
isee said:
TOENHEEL said:
isee said:
215cu said:
Digga said:
RDMcG said:
I travel a huge amount, (100k airmiles a year), and my basic rule is to be boringly polite,zero small talk , and never react to these folks anywhere.They have a lot of power to detain you, and its not worth the aggro.
+1In my youth (and to paraphrase Dylan Moran, it is "stupidity that propells you along when you are young") I had a run-in with officials at Chicago O'Hare.
I'd filled out a little immigration 'card' thingy on the plane - as requested - and, when I arrived at pasport control, I asked the (surly cow of a) passport inspector whether it was she who I should give the card to. She merely lowered here eyes nodded towards a huge pile of these things on her desk, to which I duly added my card.
I set off toward baggage reclaim and some stick-up-his-arse official pulls me to one side and asks for 'a card'. There is some confusion along the lines of "no, I don't have any card" and "SIR! you do have a card." I then put two and two together and ask that he looks at the huge piles of these 'cards' stacking up on evey passport inspectors desk - "is that the sort of card you mean?".
I go and fetch my 'card' and offer the polite suggestion that the inspectors should perhaps not allow people to leave the cards at their desk if they're not supposed to etc. etc. a piont which fails to make any impact on the asshole. As an aside - I'm pissed off by now and not long out of my 'beer 'n' fighting years' - I remark that the US is one of the most unpleasant and unwelcmoning places to visit and immediately I know I've overstepped the mark.
The guys face turns to thunder, I briefly fancy he's pondering whether he'll pull a sidearm on me or take me to have my 'luggage inspected' but instead he throws my passport straight at me and tells me to get "out of his sight". On reflection, I was lucky and no, I would not do this again.
If it wasn't that, thanks to previous visits to Syria & Jordan (both on business with very pretty Arabic visas in my passport) and some moderate Arab countries (Morocco, Egypt and Turkey) for hols, I guess I'm a one man walking axis of evil
Christ, that didn't go down well as he flicked through my passport (there a stamp for Slovenia did fox him - I had to remind him it was part of the former Yugoslavia and that went down really well). He even called me a Limey, f
k I was that close to recanting every single US fk up since the Boston Tea party for that.I smiled wryily, thanked him for checking my passport, wishing him a 'havva nice day' and carried on.
Saying that, on a recent holiday to Cuba, they are the security staff you really don't f
k with, it makes Russia look positively liberal. I asked the lady (a real Latina hottie in uniform - be still my aching hard on) very nicely if she would stamp my passport. She smiled very sweetly and delivered a whacking huge red stamp proudly stating "Cuba".So next time I visit the US (unlikely in the near future) my new passport has a stamp in it that will really get their security hot under the collar.
Viva la Revolucion.
PAradisus Rio de oro is the best resort in cuba (according to the locals and trip advisor) in Varadero
Also try out their skydiving offers. I wasn't sure if I had the guts to jump out of the plane, but having gone up in a 60 year old Antonov 2 I was convinced that it was safer jumping out with a parachute than landing in that plane
Edited by TOENHEEL on Tuesday 3rd March 14:48
Lost soul said:
Rude-boy said:
Lost soul said:
stormin said:
He missed his flight......... which later crashed into an appartment building in Holland.
Bullst 
But lets not ruin a good pub story
isee said:
Lost soul said:
Rude-boy said:
Lost soul said:
stormin said:
He missed his flight......... which later crashed into an appartment building in Holland.
Bullst But lets not ruin a good pub story
I'm on later with an 'old joanna' to do requests.
SGirl said:
SirTainly said:
Beats my tale from Sweden, getting lambasted at tram stop for "coming here and not learning the language" from some old chap also waiting for a tram. I didn't know the Swedes had such high expectations of people visiting for a weekend!
Seriously?! The only language problem I've ever had in Sweden is finding someone to speak Swedish to me. Once they know you're British, you have a hell of a time persuading them not to practise their English on you. 
I travel loads for work and although am generally an arsey bd according to the missus, I tend to be as polite as possible to Immigration/Customs type people. Uncontrollable fear of the rubber glove maybe...
Only sign of aggression I have ever had at an airport was coming back from Toronto to Atlanta (might even have been in transit through another US airport, can't rememeber) in 2004 following a trade show. My laptop was swabbed, the swabber called over some colleagues, a small huddle turned into a bigger huddle then suddenly I was surrounded by huge milatary fkers with machine guns pointed at me shouting "SIR, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE TRACES OF NYTROGLYCERINE ON YOUR LAPTOP??".
I can honestly say I have no idea how my breakfast didn't end up down my leg. Needless to say my bags were unceremoniously emptied all over the floor whilst everything else was checked, I tried to explain I had only had the laptop 2 weeks (had just started at the company) and had just been at a trade show where several hundred people had been using it to view interactive demos. Turns out after more rigorous checks on me and my luggage that there were only small traces on the outside of the laptop and I was allowed on my way.
Needless to say, I got stfaced immediately and now thoroughly clean my laptop before going to the airport!
d according to the missus, I tend to be as polite as possible to Immigration/Customs type people. Uncontrollable fear of the rubber glove maybe...Only sign of aggression I have ever had at an airport was coming back from Toronto to Atlanta (might even have been in transit through another US airport, can't rememeber) in 2004 following a trade show. My laptop was swabbed, the swabber called over some colleagues, a small huddle turned into a bigger huddle then suddenly I was surrounded by huge milatary f
kers with machine guns pointed at me shouting "SIR, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE TRACES OF NYTROGLYCERINE ON YOUR LAPTOP??". I can honestly say I have no idea how my breakfast didn't end up down my leg. Needless to say my bags were unceremoniously emptied all over the floor whilst everything else was checked, I tried to explain I had only had the laptop 2 weeks (had just started at the company) and had just been at a trade show where several hundred people had been using it to view interactive demos. Turns out after more rigorous checks on me and my luggage that there were only small traces on the outside of the laptop and I was allowed on my way.
Needless to say, I got s
tfaced immediately and now thoroughly clean my laptop before going to the airport! B3Svert said:
I travel loads for work and although am generally an arsey bd according to the missus, I tend to be as polite as possible to Immigration/Customs type people. Uncontrollable fear of the rubber glove maybe...
Only sign of aggression I have ever had at an airport was coming back from Toronto to Atlanta (might even have been in transit through another US airport, can't rememeber) in 2004 following a trade show. My laptop was swabbed, the swabber called over some colleagues, a small huddle turned into a bigger huddle then suddenly I was surrounded by huge milatary fkers with machine guns pointed at me shouting "SIR, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE TRACES OF NYTROGLYCERINE ON YOUR LAPTOP??".
I can honestly say I have no idea how my breakfast didn't end up down my leg. Needless to say my bags were unceremoniously emptied all over the floor whilst everything else was checked, I tried to explain I had only had the laptop 2 weeks (had just started at the company) and had just been at a trade show where several hundred people had been using it to view interactive demos. Turns out after more rigorous checks on me and my luggage that there were only small traces on the outside of the laptop and I was allowed on my way.
Needless to say, I got stfaced immediately and now thoroughly clean my laptop before going to the airport!
That could not have been pleasant.d according to the missus, I tend to be as polite as possible to Immigration/Customs type people. Uncontrollable fear of the rubber glove maybe...Only sign of aggression I have ever had at an airport was coming back from Toronto to Atlanta (might even have been in transit through another US airport, can't rememeber) in 2004 following a trade show. My laptop was swabbed, the swabber called over some colleagues, a small huddle turned into a bigger huddle then suddenly I was surrounded by huge milatary f
kers with machine guns pointed at me shouting "SIR, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE TRACES OF NYTROGLYCERINE ON YOUR LAPTOP??". I can honestly say I have no idea how my breakfast didn't end up down my leg. Needless to say my bags were unceremoniously emptied all over the floor whilst everything else was checked, I tried to explain I had only had the laptop 2 weeks (had just started at the company) and had just been at a trade show where several hundred people had been using it to view interactive demos. Turns out after more rigorous checks on me and my luggage that there were only small traces on the outside of the laptop and I was allowed on my way.
Needless to say, I got s
tfaced immediately and now thoroughly clean my laptop before going to the airport! I've always wondered just how uncommon is that substance the swabbers are looking for. And how likely is it be found on a genuinely innocent person. My car's doorhandles were swabbed on crossing the channel once and I remember thinking at the time, what would have happened if it was tested positive for whatever they were looking for...
Friend of mine nearly found himself meeting Mr Glove after a US Immigration wonk saw his Egyptian visa stamp and asked what was the purpose of his visit to the "Middle East". Matey pointed out he had never been to the Middle East, but he had been to Africa which is where Egypt is located.
Actually, I have found the US immigration bods I have wound up in front of to be far friendlier these days - Miami, New York, Detriot, Minneapolis etc. I am also running back and forth to France a lot at the moment, and the CDG / Eurostar bods seem ok too.
I am Mr Sweet, whiter than white at immigration desks and always treat them carefully. Not only can a mis-directed comment land you with a delay on the spot, but certain things can get recorded in your details (especially if they take it seriously - and mostly they will) and go against you going forward.
My mate from Melbourne has a bit of an issue with the USA. Every time he goes there, they are waiting for him with a kind of "We've been expecting you Mr XXX" and he is shepherded off for a 2 hour interview.
Still, I suppose hacking into NORAD and various other sensitive sites and buggering around with their stuff from his bedroom in Melbourne as a 16 year old is fairly serious.... and they do not forget that type of thing.
I am Mr Sweet, whiter than white at immigration desks and always treat them carefully. Not only can a mis-directed comment land you with a delay on the spot, but certain things can get recorded in your details (especially if they take it seriously - and mostly they will) and go against you going forward.
My mate from Melbourne has a bit of an issue with the USA. Every time he goes there, they are waiting for him with a kind of "We've been expecting you Mr XXX" and he is shepherded off for a 2 hour interview.
Still, I suppose hacking into NORAD and various other sensitive sites and buggering around with their stuff from his bedroom in Melbourne as a 16 year old is fairly serious.... and they do not forget that type of thing.
audidoody said:
Friend of mine nearly found himself meeting Mr Glove after a US Immigration wonk saw his Egyptian visa stamp and asked what was the purpose of his visit to the "Middle East". Matey pointed out he had never been to the Middle East, but he had been to Africa which is where Egypt is located.
When in Egypt, I was informed by a tour guide that Egypt is not actually Africa...Chim Chim said:
SGirl said:
SirTainly said:
Beats my tale from Sweden, getting lambasted at tram stop for "coming here and not learning the language" from some old chap also waiting for a tram. I didn't know the Swedes had such high expectations of people visiting for a weekend!
Seriously?! The only language problem I've ever had in Sweden is finding someone to speak Swedish to me. Once they know you're British, you have a hell of a time persuading them not to practise their English on you. 
Last time I flew into the USA I was taking some Mr.Kiplin Cakes and some Oxo for my friend's aunty with me as we were going to see her and there are certain British luxurys they can't get. The cakes were ok, but the Oxo cubes stumped the baggage checker, who was a large but simple chap with a huge hand cannon on his belt. I seriously thought I was going to either be shot for smuggling and attempting escape or getting pulled to a cubical for closer checks, neither I wanted, but assured myself that an exam would be the better option. I am now scared of going onto planes as I always get targeted by these people.
Aunty didn't get her Oxo cubes that year, the gravy was never the same again.
Aunty didn't get her Oxo cubes that year, the gravy was never the same again.
AndyBe said:
Chim Chim said:
SGirl said:
SirTainly said:
Beats my tale from Sweden, getting lambasted at tram stop for "coming here and not learning the language" from some old chap also waiting for a tram. I didn't know the Swedes had such high expectations of people visiting for a weekend!
Seriously?! The only language problem I've ever had in Sweden is finding someone to speak Swedish to me. Once they know you're British, you have a hell of a time persuading them not to practise their English on you. But Chim Chim was swigging it from a can.. sitting on a bench... In a shopping Mall...
Got delayed by an indian gate control man leaving India about 10 years ago. Bare in mind it was me and my mum and we'd arrived with my Dad who was the captain of the BA flight back. Oh yeah and it was 2am, so it had been a long day. I believe I'd also spent the afternoon hugging the loo as the food had disagreed with me again. I'd only been there 3 days!
Had to wait in the queue with everyone else as the indians decided to play stupid and not understand staff travel priviliges, waited for an hour, got to the front of the queue, got our boarding passes and went to go airside.
We weren't allowed to go airside because we didn't have a particular colour tag/label on our hand luggage. And to get one would mean going back and joining the queue again which was for all flights that day not just ours. And no the 5ft tall puny gate control man wouldn't let us queue jump, or get us the tags on our behalf or anything really.
At which point, according to my mum, I took on an expression of someone whose about to do something bad and hasn't really thought of somewhere to hide the ensuing bodies. Fortunately she pulled me away and managed to sweet talk someone into getting the tags for us. Just as well. I hadn't really considered what an Indian prison would be like!
Had to wait in the queue with everyone else as the indians decided to play stupid and not understand staff travel priviliges, waited for an hour, got to the front of the queue, got our boarding passes and went to go airside.
We weren't allowed to go airside because we didn't have a particular colour tag/label on our hand luggage. And to get one would mean going back and joining the queue again which was for all flights that day not just ours. And no the 5ft tall puny gate control man wouldn't let us queue jump, or get us the tags on our behalf or anything really.
At which point, according to my mum, I took on an expression of someone whose about to do something bad and hasn't really thought of somewhere to hide the ensuing bodies. Fortunately she pulled me away and managed to sweet talk someone into getting the tags for us. Just as well. I hadn't really considered what an Indian prison would be like!
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