Discussion
Someone here made a comment today:
How far would you go, if your other half was caught or proven to be cheating?
I'll take all the "I'd rip his balls off and shove them up his nostrils!" comments and ask you, really?
For me, anything more than a non aggressive chat, would be a waste of my time. I'd want to talk my way to the bottom of the matter, to be better able to consider my position.
I must be alone in this, as I don't ever recall having heard a British male say likewise, or similar. Ever.
No statistic is perfectly accurate, but iirc, 50% of relationships at some point contain a cheater. What would you do if or when you find out your other half has done the dirty?
he said:
my missus, the mother of my 2 year old, was screwing her male-nurse colleague at work. (literately 'at work'; while they were on night shifts)
I found out where he lived and told his pregnant wife about it.
I don't know what happened with them from there - hopefully she stabbed him or something.
We are all very different. My question is one I've wanted to put to the PH community for a long time, but as yet have not.I found out where he lived and told his pregnant wife about it.
I don't know what happened with them from there - hopefully she stabbed him or something.
How far would you go, if your other half was caught or proven to be cheating?
I'll take all the "I'd rip his balls off and shove them up his nostrils!" comments and ask you, really?
For me, anything more than a non aggressive chat, would be a waste of my time. I'd want to talk my way to the bottom of the matter, to be better able to consider my position.
I must be alone in this, as I don't ever recall having heard a British male say likewise, or similar. Ever.
No statistic is perfectly accurate, but iirc, 50% of relationships at some point contain a cheater. What would you do if or when you find out your other half has done the dirty?
Answer is it depends.
If your wife (or husband) has gone out and 'pulled' some random then chances are the other person may have no idea your wife is even in a relationship, even if they do they may not know you so why should they care?
If its someone who knows your wife is in a relationship, and knows you personally this is worse IMO.
Its not like your wife / husband is innocent either is it? TBH its not so much the other person its the person who you are in a relationship with that you should be most upset with.
That said, I would hardly want to sit down for a pint with someone whos been with my partner just to find out 'why' either.
If your wife (or husband) has gone out and 'pulled' some random then chances are the other person may have no idea your wife is even in a relationship, even if they do they may not know you so why should they care?
If its someone who knows your wife is in a relationship, and knows you personally this is worse IMO.
Its not like your wife / husband is innocent either is it? TBH its not so much the other person its the person who you are in a relationship with that you should be most upset with.
That said, I would hardly want to sit down for a pint with someone whos been with my partner just to find out 'why' either.
Pints said:
I've also just read that thread and couldn't help thinking, "I'd f
king kill the bh."
When reality kicked in I probably wouldn't, but I'd probably make her life hell.
Not to point fingers, MR PINTS(!!!) king kill the bh."When reality kicked in I probably wouldn't, but I'd probably make her life hell.
but I would want the quietest exit possible. I'd possibly even give the chap a lift home if be bared his soul on the way and told me everything I wanted to know.Someone else can blowtorch his balls and paintstrip his foreskin - I enjoy banter on every level, but if the end was nigh, I'd want anything but violence or aggression, both of which would stand in the way of the information I needed to make closure, up sticks and disappear.
I haven't just turned 18 and I don't have a holy pope type chip on my shoulder either. I have spent a few decades considering the auto-aggression nature of others though. There are plenty of yanks who would turn on heel and go straight to the gun cupboard. But why? Would they deserve that, etc?
I had this happen to me (see thread - "has anyone used a private detective") and I tried to stay calm and rational throughout.
Not always easy as my wife behaved deplorably and I couldn't believe some of the things she did. However, we have two young children and I couldn't see how any anger, bitterness or resentment would have anything but a negative impact on them. I used this to keep myself calm, even when I felt like going mad and (for now) it appears to have paid off.
I don't care about "the other guy" at all. He's just a fool with poor morals but they are not exactly thin on the ground and he could be anyone. My problem was always with my wife - she is the one who had a commitment to me and our family and she is the one who lied, cheated and betrayed that commitment. Interestingly, and somewhat unexpectedly, the PH responses in that thread were generally of the view that anger wouldn't help (although I think a lot of people were of the view that they would struggle to control their emotions in similar circumstances and I know i did).
Not always easy as my wife behaved deplorably and I couldn't believe some of the things she did. However, we have two young children and I couldn't see how any anger, bitterness or resentment would have anything but a negative impact on them. I used this to keep myself calm, even when I felt like going mad and (for now) it appears to have paid off.
I don't care about "the other guy" at all. He's just a fool with poor morals but they are not exactly thin on the ground and he could be anyone. My problem was always with my wife - she is the one who had a commitment to me and our family and she is the one who lied, cheated and betrayed that commitment. Interestingly, and somewhat unexpectedly, the PH responses in that thread were generally of the view that anger wouldn't help (although I think a lot of people were of the view that they would struggle to control their emotions in similar circumstances and I know i did).
Warning - this may be TMI. 
This also happened to me in the spring; I found my partner of more than a decade had been cheating in oh so many colourful and varied ways.
I felt immensely protective to the other women involved, as they were all vulnerable in different ways. I somehow wanted to warn them to protect them, but in the end I decided not to contact them.
In retrospect his cheating was the best thing that could have happened; the relationship was abusive and I'd pretty much lost all hope in life, couldn't see a future for me.
I took my chance, and I left.
I never did contact the other women, and I never took any revenge.
Six months on, and I'm happy being single, and wouldn't ever let myself be in a position where I had to sleep with someone abusive, or be thrown out to sleep in my car.
This also happened to me in the spring; I found my partner of more than a decade had been cheating in oh so many colourful and varied ways.
I felt immensely protective to the other women involved, as they were all vulnerable in different ways. I somehow wanted to warn them to protect them, but in the end I decided not to contact them.
In retrospect his cheating was the best thing that could have happened; the relationship was abusive and I'd pretty much lost all hope in life, couldn't see a future for me.
I took my chance, and I left.
I never did contact the other women, and I never took any revenge.
Six months on, and I'm happy being single, and wouldn't ever let myself be in a position where I had to sleep with someone abusive, or be thrown out to sleep in my car.
Carthage said:
Warning - this may be TMI.
This also happened to me in the spring; I found my partner of more than a decade had been cheating in oh so many colourful and varied ways.
I felt immensely protective to the other women involved, as they were all vulnerable in different ways. I somehow wanted to warn them to protect them, but in the end I decided not to contact them.
In retrospect his cheating was the best thing that could have happened; the relationship was abusive and I'd pretty much lost all hope in life, couldn't see a future for me.
I took my chance, and I left.
I never did contact the other women, and I never took any revenge.
Six months on, and I'm happy being single, and wouldn't ever let myself be in a position where I had to sleep with someone abusive, or be thrown out to sleep in my car.
So...does that mean we ain't getting married then?This also happened to me in the spring; I found my partner of more than a decade had been cheating in oh so many colourful and varied ways.
I felt immensely protective to the other women involved, as they were all vulnerable in different ways. I somehow wanted to warn them to protect them, but in the end I decided not to contact them.
In retrospect his cheating was the best thing that could have happened; the relationship was abusive and I'd pretty much lost all hope in life, couldn't see a future for me.
I took my chance, and I left.
I never did contact the other women, and I never took any revenge.
Six months on, and I'm happy being single, and wouldn't ever let myself be in a position where I had to sleep with someone abusive, or be thrown out to sleep in my car.
"Son, let me tell you something about revenge. Revenge is...great. Its phenominal. Its the only thing that truley separates us from the animals.
"If you have a chance to take revenge on a girl who has wronged you. Do it. Do it now, do it good, do it twice! But do it."
"There will be many women in your life son but the one you got revenge on will always be the sweetest of them all"
- Al Bundy.
"If you have a chance to take revenge on a girl who has wronged you. Do it. Do it now, do it good, do it twice! But do it."
"There will be many women in your life son but the one you got revenge on will always be the sweetest of them all"
- Al Bundy.
To add a twist to the thread.... On the other side of the coin I was the cheater. I had an affair, my wife of 5 years went nuts (understandably so!). I would have taken anything she could throw at me both literally and metaphorically.
The guilt I felt for doing what I did meant short of stabbing me, I would have let her do anything that made her feel better. As it happens I got away with a broken finger which she slammed in a door.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I think I would fire a few choice words about, but no violence or payback. It achieves very little
The guilt I felt for doing what I did meant short of stabbing me, I would have let her do anything that made her feel better. As it happens I got away with a broken finger which she slammed in a door.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I think I would fire a few choice words about, but no violence or payback. It achieves very little
Edited by wiliferus on Tuesday 18th December 09:05
Mobsta said:
Someone here made a comment today:
How far would you go, if your other half was caught or proven to be cheating?
I'll take all the "I'd rip his balls off and shove them up his nostrils!" comments and ask you, really?
For me, anything more than a non aggressive chat, would be a waste of my time. I'd want to talk my way to the bottom of the matter, to be better able to consider my position.
I must be alone in this, as I don't ever recall having heard a British male say likewise, or similar. Ever.
No statistic is perfectly accurate, but iirc, 50% of relationships at some point contain a cheater. What would you do if or when you find out your other half has done the dirty?
Id shrug and save myself the cost of flights home every cpl of weeks and carry on my life out here.he said:
my missus, the mother of my 2 year old, was screwing her male-nurse colleague at work. (literately 'at work'; while they were on night shifts)
I found out where he lived and told his pregnant wife about it.
I don't know what happened with them from there - hopefully she stabbed him or something.
We are all very different. My question is one I've wanted to put to the PH community for a long time, but as yet have not.I found out where he lived and told his pregnant wife about it.
I don't know what happened with them from there - hopefully she stabbed him or something.
How far would you go, if your other half was caught or proven to be cheating?
I'll take all the "I'd rip his balls off and shove them up his nostrils!" comments and ask you, really?
For me, anything more than a non aggressive chat, would be a waste of my time. I'd want to talk my way to the bottom of the matter, to be better able to consider my position.
I must be alone in this, as I don't ever recall having heard a British male say likewise, or similar. Ever.
No statistic is perfectly accurate, but iirc, 50% of relationships at some point contain a cheater. What would you do if or when you find out your other half has done the dirty?
I would argue that as primates, monogamy doesnt really suit us, we have it forced upon us and we are unable to cope both physically and emotionally. I wouldnt argue that with Mrs Pablo of course, I'm not that mental .... but the percentage of mammals that form life time partnerships is something less than 3%, there is quite a lot of research debating monogamy in primates and how it has evolved. The wiki article on monogamy and the section on non-human animals is quite interesting
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy#Non-human_an...
.... but the percentage of mammals that form life time partnerships is something less than 3%, there is quite a lot of research debating monogamy in primates and how it has evolved. The wiki article on monogamy and the section on non-human animals is quite interesting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy#Non-human_an...
I've often wondered about this as I worry that my OH will come to the conclusion that she could do better at some point. I will ask three questions:
1. Do you love him?
2. Do you still love me?
3. Am I better in bed than him?
Answer of no, yes, yes will mean guilt-driven make up sex of such magnitude and depravity that zwolf and cw7 (may he rest in peace) would look disgusted.
Any other answers are bad though
1. Do you love him?
2. Do you still love me?
3. Am I better in bed than him?
Answer of no, yes, yes will mean guilt-driven make up sex of such magnitude and depravity that zwolf and cw7 (may he rest in peace) would look disgusted.
Any other answers are bad though
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