What to do about this?
Discussion
After almost 9 years of absolutely nothing I have received this from my ex wife via text!
"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
PurpleMoonlight said:
After almost 9 years of absolutely nothing I have received this from my ex wife via text!
"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
What she did was unforgivable. But, think of your son. He wants to see his dad. Now all her s"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
t is going to come back at her in spades. Putting that aside, get a paternity test and if he is yours show him what a great dad you can be. It's not his fault his mum acted in such a low way and you don't ever need to bad mouth her as he will work that one out for himself. RobinBanks said:
Pothole said:
timbo999 said:
You've had the same mobile number for 9 years? Must be a record!
I've had mine for 14 years.Your turn
However, I think we might be getting side-tracked.
killingjoker said:
What she did was unforgivable. But, think of your son. He wants to see his dad. Now all her st is going to come back at her in spades. Putting that aside, get a paternity test and if he is yours show him what a great dad you can be. It's not his fault his mum acted in such a low way and you don't ever need to bad mouth her as he will work that one out for himself.
All of this.t is going to come back at her in spades. Putting that aside, get a paternity test and if he is yours show him what a great dad you can be. It's not his fault his mum acted in such a low way and you don't ever need to bad mouth her as he will work that one out for himself. PurpleMoonlight said:
After almost 9 years of absolutely nothing I have received this from my ex wife via text!
"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
I am probably going to be castigated for this, but I reckon you need to think about what's best for YOU."Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
There's no way you can possibly know whether meeting up with this child will be good or bad for him, so you need to make a decision based on what you do 'know'.
Have you ever been curious/interested about his existence?
soad said:
Japveesix said:
timbo999 said:
You've had the same mobile number for 9 years? Must be a record!
Really? Didn't think anyone ever changed their number. I've certainly had mine for 15+ years.
Painful as it might be, I think you need to pick up the phone to your ex and ask here what she has told him and what he has been asking. Find out an unobtrusive way to do a paternity test if possible. Whether he's yours or not, he is only 10, so you need to approach this with great sensitivity. If he is yours, and you f**k this up, it will be very damaging for him; if he's not yours, he is still just a kid, with hopes and expectations of meeting "Daddy" so you would still need to handle this very carefully.
There must surely be adoption charities or such-like who can advise on this better than PH?
There must surely be adoption charities or such-like who can advise on this better than PH?
boyse7en said:
Why would you not speak to him?
Even if he is not your son, his mother has obviously told him that you are his dad. He's probably just curious about his roots.
This. He is the innocent here. It doesn't sound as if there's been another father figure around. You could make a dramatic, positive difference to his life.Even if he is not your son, his mother has obviously told him that you are his dad. He's probably just curious about his roots.
PurpleMoonlight said:
After almost 9 years of absolutely nothing I have received this from my ex wife via text!
"Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
When she abandoned the marriage did you think the child was yours or where you suspicious the child was fathered by someone else? Where you never interested in finding out more or did you ex-wife make it legally not possible to see the child? Or did you decide it was not yours from the outset and you didn't want anything to do with him? "Hi. J***** has been asking about you of late and has said that he'd like to meet you. May he give you a call? V*******"
J is now 10.
V abandoned the marriage when J was 11 weeks old and obstructed contact from day one. She changed his surname in use immediately, and then via a court order which I knew nothing about until after the event.
I have serious doubts J is actually my child.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
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