Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
There's a few replies about 18 months old and the good times are coming. I'd reiterate that.
My son is approaching 9 and my daughter is 7. My relationship with them feels like it's improving daily, the hard work you put in is paying off. It's unthinkable to me, not having those little f
kers being in my house every day and night.
Imagine (seriously, just imagine - picture it) some dude smashing his sacks against your missus' arse doggeh style, your daughter asleep in the bedroom next door...there you are, lying awake in bed. Your new 'conquest' lying beside you, she's put on a few pounds of late too, sex has dried up and having spent years getting used to the oddities and annoyances of your ex, you're now having to go through that all again with someone new. Only this time, you've got fk all money too.
Yeah, go for it sunshine.
My son is approaching 9 and my daughter is 7. My relationship with them feels like it's improving daily, the hard work you put in is paying off. It's unthinkable to me, not having those little f
kers being in my house every day and night.Imagine (seriously, just imagine - picture it) some dude smashing his sacks against your missus' arse doggeh style, your daughter asleep in the bedroom next door...there you are, lying awake in bed. Your new 'conquest' lying beside you, she's put on a few pounds of late too, sex has dried up and having spent years getting used to the oddities and annoyances of your ex, you're now having to go through that all again with someone new. Only this time, you've got f
k all money too.Yeah, go for it sunshine.
Can I play devil's advocate for a second?
Let's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
Let's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
I fully believe that there is no sense in being with someone you don't love for the rest of your life. You only get one go at it, so don't waste it.
However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
Soov535 said:
No, don't. Imagine having a one hour slot at BK on the motorway once a fortnight.
I see this all the time. Men with their kids at MOTO, snatching a few precious minutes over a Whopper before Mum and their new Daddy come and fetch them.
My wife went away for a holiday recently and I took the littl'uns to Pizza Hut on Sunday late afternoon for a treat.I see this all the time. Men with their kids at MOTO, snatching a few precious minutes over a Whopper before Mum and their new Daddy come and fetch them.
The nice waitress gave me a "knowing" look and showed me to single dad's corner. Must have been about 6 single dads giving their kids a last treat before seeing them next month.
Muzzer79 said:
I fully believe that there is no sense in being with someone you don't love for the rest of your life. You only get one go at it, so don't waste it.
However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
This is a good post, but be awful, awful, awful sure and then still think on it! If the OP bales, then something will definitely break for good!However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
Du1point8 said:
DoTheRightThing said:
I think I've probably always been aware we weren't exactly cut from the same cloth. She's a country girl I'm a city boy. She's always said "I'm the one", I've always known she would make a great mother and life companion and thought that would be enough. As I've grown older though, I want to talk about different things; art, politics, philosophical bks.... Not really her forte.
So to answer your question directly I think I've never had the opportunity I've got now and had it not come about then yes I would probably be content with the status quo but it HAS come about and I am being offered what I see as the potential for fulfilment.
I hear you ask? "Why the fk did you knock her up then, if you weren't sure??"
It's complicated. At the time of conception I was actually quite seriously ill and didn't know if I'd even see her be born. I guess I wanted to secure a legacy and leave my fiancé with a child she always wanted. I have since made a full recovery can see that the time was highly charged with emotion.
I read this and thought that he only decided to get her knocked up as he wanted a legacy and was ill, now that things are better OP wants to find someone better in OPs eyes and still have the legacy, all be it without having a hand in it anymore.ks.... Not really her forte. So to answer your question directly I think I've never had the opportunity I've got now and had it not come about then yes I would probably be content with the status quo but it HAS come about and I am being offered what I see as the potential for fulfilment.
I hear you ask? "Why the f
k did you knock her up then, if you weren't sure??"It's complicated. At the time of conception I was actually quite seriously ill and didn't know if I'd even see her be born. I guess I wanted to secure a legacy and leave my fiancé with a child she always wanted. I have since made a full recovery can see that the time was highly charged with emotion.
She stuck by you and thats how you want to leave it?
I honestly think after re-eading that she is better off without you as you just seem selfish and let her find better than you, not before you sign away your home, CSA and rights to your pension for being a selfish git.
The Beaver King said:
Can I play devil's advocate for a second?
I did that in my head - "Perhaps better to bail now before it affects the little one too much, etc."Nope, isn't working in my head.
OP has it almost made. He feels a little out of love with the fiancée, not finding being a dad too easy, and has another girl who is offering him all that he is missing.
Take away the fresh offer.
Now how does the OP feel? I'm very strong on betting that without his ready made cum receptacle he'd be thinking much more about reigniting the spark.
Now if the OP feels the same way in (say) 5 years time and after many tries and without the distraction of Miss Wideopenlegs still feels all are better off if he goes his own way then fair dos. To throw it in now though shows a distinct lack of moral strength or courage.
A little newsflash for you OP, the World is full of women who fail what I used to call "The Newsnight Test", some make up for it in other areas, some don't. You owe it to your fiancée, your daughter, yourself and your families to give this a proper commited go, without Miss Wideopenlegs in play. If it really is going nowhere after you have really properly tried to work at it then perhaps you might have to make a tough decision that will adversely impact on you and your family for the short term at the very least, but to do it right now just shows you as a weak male, and far from a man.
As a registered old fart, who has nearly been there and seen the light. Stay put. and have a bloody good think. you are possibly throwing away a lot for perhaps a little.New women earns a bundle???? willing to screw up a marriage/relationship and leads you on to believe it, and when shes finished and got bored with you, shes off doing another guys marriage in.and you are left with what???????
Yea go for it, and regret Every day for the rest of your life.
Me....i didnt and have two grear grandkids who are my life, everyone gets the hump with their partner now and again, its only the strong wille that get on with it and rough i out, it does get better believe me
Still its your life not mine, but it is my 2d worth
Yea go for it, and regret Every day for the rest of your life.
Me....i didnt and have two grear grandkids who are my life, everyone gets the hump with their partner now and again, its only the strong wille that get on with it and rough i out, it does get better believe me
Still its your life not mine, but it is my 2d worth
I struggle to understand why people who make the biggest commitment to each other possible seem to think that when it becomes hard work that they have to bail.
I'm not talking about a daft bit of jewellery or a bit of paper i am talking about having a child together. Its one of the biggest things in life.
I'm not talking about a daft bit of jewellery or a bit of paper i am talking about having a child together. Its one of the biggest things in life.
Matt_N said:
DoTheRightThing said:
I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
Oh.In fact go back to his thread and cast your fiancée as ABD and you as the wife. Perhaps you will see more clearly why you are thinking about doing something clinically f
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