Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
Sheepshanks said:
Either there's a ready supply of needy men, or she's VERY adept at pressing the right buttons.
She's good looking without being "OMFG".She's smart, without being threateningly bright.
She's one of the best manipulators I have ever met without a law degree.
She can suck a football through a straw.
She can cook, clean and tidy to a level acceptable by most without moaning about it or expecting a medal.
Just don't ever think that she lives life for anyone but her.
To be fair to her she's had her difficult times and deserves a good life. She is one of the best reminders I have that you can never take anyone, or anything, at pure face value, there is always an agenda, even if only a benign one..
Rude-boy said:
Sheepshanks said:
Either there's a ready supply of needy men, or she's VERY adept at pressing the right buttons.
She's good looking without being "OMFG".She's smart, without being threateningly bright.
She's one of the best manipulators I have ever met without a law degree.
She can suck a football through a straw.
She can cook, clean and tidy to a level acceptable by most without moaning about it or expecting a medal.
Just don't ever think that she lives life for anyone but her.
To be fair to her she's had her difficult times and deserves a good life. She is one of the best reminders I have that you can never take anyone, or anything, at pure face value, there is always an agenda, even if only a benign one..
Timmy40 said:
To be honest she sounds like a totally bog standard women to be honest.
but not many women can pull all of those things off to the very best of their ability. Many 'bog standard' women can ape those qualities, but without actually being good at more than one or two of them.
Robertj21a said:
Thanks for adding that bit, it's always much easier to understand when someone explains their own personal situation. I feel very sorry for you and just hope that you have a plan that improves your own life before too long.
Still love the daft bugger so it's worth a go eh?Rude-boy said:
Timmy40 said:
To be honest she sounds like a totally bog standard women to be honest.
but not many women can pull all of those things off to the very best of their ability. Many 'bog standard' women can ape those qualities, but without actually being good at more than one or two of them.
Sad reading all this, couples besotted with each other and then many years later such spitefulness.
Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
Rude-boy said:
That one really hits home to you when your partner is driving you home from a minor operation and sympathising with your discomfort whilst sorting out things during your recuperation and you realise that without them you'd be in a taxi right now going home to an empty house with no one to bring you a fresh home made chicken broth when you feel like eating, let alone talk to.
I think you would be surprised how strong you can be on your own. I was pretty sick a couple of years ago so left work and went straight to my GP for an emergency appointment. Got referred to an oncologist, had to look up at what an oncologist did 
turns out it was just pneumonia. I suppose if there is no one else around you just have to get on with it. ali_kat said:
Vandenberg said:
She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
What an utter snake
It's the kind of thing that could push someone into doing something quite awful, and accepting the time in prison
BigLion said:
Sad reading all this, couples besotted with each other and then many years later such spitefulness.
Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
Not just hollywood, we get bombarded day in day out with commercials telling us we deserve the very best, and we should not settle for a lesser experience.Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
On top of that, people live longer, so by the time the kids flee the coop, you still have a lot of time to enjoy, rather then waiting out death.
And society these days is much more accepting of divorce, and more friendly to single women
All compared to at least several decades if not centuries ago off course
Vitorio said:
Not just hollywood, we get bombarded day in day out with commercials telling us we deserve the very best, and we should not settle for a lesser experience.
On top of that, people live longer, so by the time the kids flee the coop, you still have a lot of time to enjoy, rather then waiting out death.
And society these days is much more accepting of divorce, and more friendly to single women
All compared to at least several decades if not centuries ago off course
I think the biggest issue is too many people are in relationships that are not compatible from the start and they either stay in them either they don't like to be lonely, always need a relationship, each new partner is the love of their life etc we all know a friend who always needs a partner, if people were much more fussy about relationships instead of trying to make something work for the sake of it even when they know deep down its wrong because they fear being single or what ever again.On top of that, people live longer, so by the time the kids flee the coop, you still have a lot of time to enjoy, rather then waiting out death.
And society these days is much more accepting of divorce, and more friendly to single women
All compared to at least several decades if not centuries ago off course
People need to be realistic and not get lazy.
people lead boring lives with no real interests in life, they become unhappy and either think it's their partner or expect their partner to be the source of constant happyiness/ excitement.
That's what I think anyway!
TheLordJohn said:
Another good reason not to have children. The woman can't be trusted.
The less timing you in, the better! When they've decided they've had the best out of you, you won't be COMPLETELY royally turned over (financially speaking).
Well that is a bit cynical.The less timing you in, the better! When they've decided they've had the best out of you, you won't be COMPLETELY royally turned over (financially speaking).
My ex is not the woman for me, and i do wonder whatever possessed me to get as far it did, but i do trust her. We get along just fine after we split up, which is a good way to split up, for the kids as well.
As hard as it sometimes is, splitting up was the right decision, and we both will end up better for it, as will the kids
BigLion said:
Sad reading all this, couples besotted with each other and then many years later such spitefulness.
Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
Bear with me a minute here. Some of you will call me a negative nancy, but just have a think. Genuine question, as a society have we set the expectation of relationships too high?
I do wonder if the Hollywood / music industry portrayal of being forever absolutely smitten with each other and every day being massive excitement and not being able to spend a minute apart etc. etc. has left the general population being unrealistic and hence more disenfranchised?
I think you're on the right track but coming from the wrong direction. True, things aren't as they were 50 years ago... But that's not necessarily how they "should" be.
Were returning now to a more "natural" state of relationships, more short term stuff and it's actually quite rare to pair off for life.
Pairing for life (ie marriage, want of a better way of putting it) was actually just a pretty temporary blip in the history of our species... It has to be socially enforced with indoctrination from an early age that it's the correct way to live life, and shaming (that's why you make your vows in front of friends and family). More people were married, yes, but it doesn't mean they were any happier. It is good for society though and keeps people productive at work and raising mostly psychologically healthy kids.
Those social constraints that preserved marriages are dying off now - there's little shame in divorce nowadays and a generation is coming of age where it's practically been the norm in their childhoods. Marriage rates are dropping off and will drop further as more people realise it's pretty much just a ceremony now and doesn't carry the weight it should.
In addition men are being encouraged to be more feminine and women are being encouraged to be more masculine and it winds up with confused genders without a strong attraction between them, but that's another story.
So it's not so much that people are disillusioned and think the grass is greener - it's more like there's no longer much external pressure to keep your own lawn nice, nobody ever taught you how to care for a lawn properly, and nobody will say anything if you dig it all up every 2 years and replace it with some fresh turf from Homebase (probably called Darren).
TLandCruiser said:
I think the biggest issue is too many people are in relationships that are not compatible from the start and they either stay in them either they don't like to be lonely, always need a relationship, each new partner is the love of their life etc we all know a friend who always needs a partner, if people were much more fussy about relationships instead of trying to make something work for the sake of it even when they know deep down its wrong because they fear being single or what ever again.
People need to be realistic and not get lazy.
people lead boring lives with no real interests in life, they become unhappy and either think it's their partner or expect their partner to be the source of constant happyiness/ excitement.
That's what I think anyway!
That, and options. The options are endless nowadays. There's temptation all over the place, to cheat, upgrade etc.People need to be realistic and not get lazy.
people lead boring lives with no real interests in life, they become unhappy and either think it's their partner or expect their partner to be the source of constant happyiness/ excitement.
That's what I think anyway!
A host of dating apps, social media, the massive booze culture brought about from a young age, the glorification of immoral behaviour. Social groups where cheating is encouraged rather than frowned upon. People's need for attention and feeling worthy seems to entirely depend on what sort of person they can attract.
We've also become so materialistic, it drives the 'upgrade' mentality with people. It's not necessarily about being with the right person, but just the person that will help you get to where you want to be, or get the things you think you deserve.
I'm both amazed and saddened by the sheer amount of absolute dogs
t I see on Facebook from, mostly, stay at home mums trying to show off their perfect lives, whilst really just showing everyone that they have issues themselves. Everyone is obsessed with image and what people think, rather than actually being happy.House prices are at record levels, wages are stagnating, how many people are getting into long term relationships just because it's the only way they can afford to rent or buy? It sounds stupid, but I know it happens.
In short - people are crazy, male or female. Most people overlook the warning signs at the start of a relationship, thinking they can deal with it or make them change, but people are stubborn, and I know it's a cliche, but people don't change.
Wow, this is genuinely the saddest thread I've ever read on PH. I feel for you all, especially you Tonker. I know it works both ways and PH is essentially a bit male-centric but I also feel a bit ashamed to be a woman. Can people be so very cruel? I hope I never treat someone in the way you describe, married or not.
I also hope the hubster would never have cause to talk about me in the same way. Women = weird creatures, even for other women...
I also hope the hubster would never have cause to talk about me in the same way. Women = weird creatures, even for other women...
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