Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Pitre]

Went to a wedding last Saturday. During the pre-lunch drinks, I whispered to the bloke next to me "isn't the bride a right ugly looking munter"
"Do you mind, that's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm really sorry I didn't know you were her father"
"I'm not I'm her mother"

[Doofus]

Pitre said:

Went to a wedding last Saturday. During the pre-lunch drinks, I whispered to the bloke next to me "isn't the bride a right ugly looking munter"
"Do you mind, that's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm really sorry I didn't know you were her father"
"I'm not I'm her mother"

roperroffle:

[Swampy1982]

I took my son to the zoo yesterday but when we got there we discovered the only animal there was a dog.


It was a shih tzu

[anonymous-user]

Pitre said:

Went to a wedding last Saturday. During the pre-lunch drinks, I whispered to the bloke next to me "isn't the bride a right ugly looking munter"
"Do you mind, that's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm really sorry I didn't know you were her father"
"I'm not I'm her mother"

[Skyedriver]

Stolen from the Telegraph thanks Matt

[V8mate]

I just saw Prince Charles and Camilla on the motorway, heading for Cornwall. They were hogging the middle lane though, so I had no option but to undertake them. I passed the Duchy on the left hand side.

[ChemicalChaos]

Not sure if this belongs here or in the geek jokes thread, but anyway...

The horn wasn't working on my car and the garage wanted £50 to fix it. I took it to the local Scout Troop who sorted it for free.
Beep Repaired.

[slopes]

V8mate said:

I just saw Prince Charles and Camilla on the motorway, heading for Cornwall. They were hogging the middle lane though, so I had no option but to undertake them. I passed the Duchy on the left hand side.

[SLK55AMG]

ChemicalChaos said:

Not sure if this belongs here or in the geek jokes thread, but anyway...

The horn wasn't working on my car and the garage wanted £50 to fix it. I took it to the local Scout Troop who sorted it for free.
Beep Repaired.

?

[havoc]

SLK55AMG said:

?

Say those last two words out loud.

[anonymous-user]

havoc said:

SLK55AMG said:

?

Say those last two words out loud.

QUESTION MARK

[cologne2792]

ChemicalChaos said:

Not sure if this belongs here or in the geek jokes thread, but anyway...

The horn wasn't working on my car and the garage wanted £50 to fix it. I took it to the local Scout Troop who sorted it for free.
Beep Repaired.

[McAndy]

V6 Pushfit said:

havoc said:

SLK55AMG said:

?

Say those last two words out loud.

QUESTION MARK

[Frimley111R]

Why do women make such good archaeologists? Because they love digging up the fking past!

(It's funny cos it's true )

[LordGrover]

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings and he says, "Darn, I forgot to feed the dog".

[SLK55AMG]

havoc said:

SLK55AMG said:

?

Say those last two words out loud.

Ah yes. Idiot alert here

[Pastor Of Muppets]

What does Tom Jones get when he washes his car on the front lawn?

Green green grass all foam.

[slopes]

Frimley111R said:

Why do women make such good archaeologists? Because they love digging up the fking past!

(It's funny cos it's true )

it is, both.

[Monkeylegend]

SLK55AMG said:

havoc said:

SLK55AMG said:

?

Say those last two words out loud.

Ah yes. Idiot alert here

Can I have first dibs at taking the micky?

[SLK55AMG]

Monkeylegend said:

Can I have first dibs at taking the micky?

Wade in monkey boy