Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[HOGEPH]

Higgs boson said:

MartG said:

The orange could be dancing with a door hinge, or a sore minge...

[MartG]

Doofus said:

As far as I remember, the last (only?) English king to be decapitated was Charles I in the seventeenth century. What does that have to do with Brexit, which is obviously the root of the sketch?.

Actually it is a proposed cover for a book project about Charles I and his downfall, the title being a pun based on the word Rex in its meaning of 'the reigning king'

[grumpy52]

Pancake day ?
Thats just for tossers !

[PixelpeepS3]

grumpy52 said:

Pancake day ?
Thats just for tossers !

I was surprised it caught on, i just thought it was a flash in the (Frying) pan

[MartG]

Alex said:

I can't believe it's pancake day again.
It just crêped up on me.

Pancake Day schedule ‬
‪- Wake up ‬
‪- See if Father Pancake has been ‬
‪- Open all your pancakes ‬
‪- Cook Pancake Lunch ‬
‪- Watch the Queen’s Pancake Speech‬
‪- Fall asleep for a bit ‬
‪- Watch a pancake film‬
‪- Make a sandwich from pancake leftovers‬
‪- Bed ‬

[sc0tt]

MartG said:

Pancake Day schedule ?
?- Wake up ?
?- See if Father Pancake has been ?
?- Open all your pancakes ?
?- Cook Pancake Lunch ?
?- Watch the Queen’s Pancake Speech?
?- Fall asleep for a bit ?
?- Watch a pancake film?
?- Make a sandwich from pancake leftovers?
?- Bed ?

?

[mattyn1]

HOGEPH said:

Higgs boson said:

MartG said:

The orange could be dancing with a door hinge, or a sore minge...

He would be better suited to a cough sweet.

[Alex]

"I was born on St. George's Day so my parents called me George."
"I was born on St. Andrew's Day so my parents called me Andrew."
"How did you get your name, Pancake?"

[Robster]

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys!

Edited by Robster on Tuesday 13th February 11:44

Edited by Robster on Tuesday 13th February 11:47

[MartG]

Edinburgh man Wullie McTavish is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with the nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons.

"So", he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Braid Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the flats over in Morningside and Bruntsfield."
"Tam, I want you to take the offices in Charlotte Square ."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings in the New Town."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Wullie slips away, she says, "Mrs. McTavish, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the bd has a paper round!"

[MartG]

[Funkycoldribena]

Alex said:

"I was born on St. George's Day so my parents called me George."
"I was born on St. Andrew's Day so my parents called me Andrew."
"How did you get your name, Pancake?"

There was a girl on Maury Povich with that name.

Edited by Funkycoldribena on Tuesday 13th February 12:17

[Funkycoldribena]

[MartG]

[grumpy52]

[rayny]

schmunk said:

Tony 1234 said:

MartG said:

rayny said:

Reply - Double Harsh - MartG and Vipers are our heroes.
Any detractors should post more jokes themselves

Sorry - The original was a bit over the top due to the ingestion of a glass or two (or many more) of rum.

I've edited the post to what I should have originally said.

[MartG]

[Doofus]

You see? MartG can do it when he tries!

[Alex]

I just saw a supercar being driven by a scantily clad sheep.

It was a lamb bikini.

[MartG]