Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
OP write down all the things you value about your daughter and all the things your value about this other women, and tell yourself you can only choose one which will it be?
As others have said you current partner will eventually move on if you leave her and likely start a family with some one else who will help bring up your daughter and likely become dad to her, relegating you to sperm donor!
personally I would work out the current relationship with help from professional relationship people and if you want to be stretched intellectually take a Phd!
Best of luck what ever you decide.
As others have said you current partner will eventually move on if you leave her and likely start a family with some one else who will help bring up your daughter and likely become dad to her, relegating you to sperm donor!
personally I would work out the current relationship with help from professional relationship people and if you want to be stretched intellectually take a Phd!
Best of luck what ever you decide.
Oddly this topic resonates with me. My lad is 21 months and I feel similar to the OP. Things are not amazing at home and I feel like we are friends living in the same house more than anything. I have wondered about us going our separate ways several times but the reason I stay is I couldn't imagine how I would cope not seeing my son on a daily basis. He is my world and the thought of somebody else bathing him and putting him to bed each night would utterly kill me. For this reason we will stick with it, I'm sure things get easier, and hopefully the spark will reignite. I crave intimacy again!!!
OP, just have a word with yourself. If you can cope with seeing someone else bringing up your child then sure, dump your kid and Mrs and go f
k this woman. I'm sure it will be a laugh. If you have any ounce of decency you will work at it with your partner, and enjoy your life and child together. Don't fk up her life if you can help it.
OP, just have a word with yourself. If you can cope with seeing someone else bringing up your child then sure, dump your kid and Mrs and go f
k this woman. I'm sure it will be a laugh. If you have any ounce of decency you will work at it with your partner, and enjoy your life and child together. Don't fk up her life if you can help it. okgo said:
Isn't what you're describing what every bloke feels like after the initial couple of years? 
If he waits another year or two he'll think any woman that says hello wants to run off with him.He needs to forget the other woman and decide if he is unhappy enough to walk away and be on his own, would he walk if the other woman wasn't around.
S10GTA said:
Oddly this topic resonates with me. My lad is 21 months and I feel similar to the OP. Things are not amazing at home and I feel like we are friends living in the same house more than anything. I have wondered about us going our separate ways several times but the reason I stay is I couldn't imagine how I would cope not seeing my son on a daily basis. He is my world and the thought of somebody else bathing him and putting him to bed each night would utterly kill me. For this reason we will stick with it, I'm sure things get easier, and hopefully the spark will reignite. I crave intimacy again!!!
I think Okgo coined it too, every relationship goes through this at some point.When I was free and single I was lectured by a colleague for not having settled down and had kids (back then). He said it was amazing, best thing ever - and then went on to perv-maul one of the secretaries! I'm sure he got through the bad patch eventually.
I have no real advice, just an opinion. I do not have children, but I am happily married and have been with my (now) wife for nearly 12 years. We both worry about what children would do/bring to the relationship. I guess a lot of it is about what the perception is, not the reality. You can't go back (and why would you?) but it's a big decision. I especially worry about how I'd feel with a job that keeps me away from home a lot, then dealing - and wanting to deal - with everything else when I got home. Which I would.
So, to me, it sounds like depression. The easy (hah) way out - a greener grass, a relationship (if that) with no ties. Sounds attractive, I bet.
I have personal experience, as many have, with a parent leaving. Mine waited until "the kids were old enough".. but they were unhappy for nearly 20 years. That alone really freaked me out. Should they have left when I were younger? I don't want my parents (together or apart) to be unhappy; but christ, what a thing to put on your kids.
Put simply, the OP got himself in to it; I think he has the perfect little family but his head is messing with him. Back to depression.
Go see someone first. Talk it out. DO something before making a decision you are unlikely to be able to take back in any meaningful way.
So, to me, it sounds like depression. The easy (hah) way out - a greener grass, a relationship (if that) with no ties. Sounds attractive, I bet.
I have personal experience, as many have, with a parent leaving. Mine waited until "the kids were old enough".. but they were unhappy for nearly 20 years. That alone really freaked me out. Should they have left when I were younger? I don't want my parents (together or apart) to be unhappy; but christ, what a thing to put on your kids.
Put simply, the OP got himself in to it; I think he has the perfect little family but his head is messing with him. Back to depression.
Go see someone first. Talk it out. DO something before making a decision you are unlikely to be able to take back in any meaningful way.
Sheets Tabuer said:
If he waits another year or two he'll think any woman that says hello wants to run off with him.
He needs to forget the other woman and decide if he is unhappy enough to walk away and be on his own, would he walk if the other woman wasn't around.
Kids changes things I think, which ironically might be why many people have them, to give their relationship some more purpose.He needs to forget the other woman and decide if he is unhappy enough to walk away and be on his own, would he walk if the other woman wasn't around.
I have not got kids, but have got single mates, and their lives look pretty decent to me.
But only if you're good looking, otherwise cling on to whatever you can get.
S10GTA said:
Oddly this topic resonates with me. My lad is 21 months and I feel similar to the OP. Things are not amazing at home and I feel like we are friends living in the same house more than anything. I have wondered about us going our separate ways several times but the reason I stay is I couldn't imagine how I would cope not seeing my son on a daily basis. He is my world and the thought of somebody else bathing him and putting him to bed each night would utterly kill me. For this reason we will stick with it, I'm sure things get easier, and hopefully the spark will reignite. I crave intimacy again!!!
OP, just have a word with yourself. If you can cope with seeing someone else bringing up your child then sure, dump your kid and Mrs and go fk this woman. I'm sure it will be a laugh. If you have any ounce of decency you will work at it with your partner, and enjoy your life and child together. Don't fk up her life if you can help it.
See the connection with the OP - recent fatherhood. Both parents very tired, both putting little one first all the time, both have little quality time together, both have little me-time. Best advice I can give is give yourselves a break, arrange for child to stay out overnight from time to time (Grandma, Aunty, best friend, whoever), and have a night out together, enjoy each others company, go back home, break the bed, and generally have a laugh together.OP, just have a word with yourself. If you can cope with seeing someone else bringing up your child then sure, dump your kid and Mrs and go f
k this woman. I'm sure it will be a laugh. If you have any ounce of decency you will work at it with your partner, and enjoy your life and child together. Don't fk up her life if you can help it. Too many people only end relationships as they think they have something better to move on to. That always looks wrong in my opinion. Also after the initial excitement of the relationship, it's probably no better than the relationship they have left.
If there was deep rooted issues in your relationship, I'd begin to understand. However reading what you've posted it simply comes across as you've taken a fancy to some other woman and are getting carried away.
You also seem to think everything will be ok if you do walk as your fiancée is such a nice person.
Don't kid yourself.
You already have a child and she's thinking about more kids and a wedding. If you leave her you will break her heart and you will see a totally different person. Don't expect her to take such a life changing event and still be all nice to you, especially when she finds out there is another woman involved. That's the ultimate insult.
Don't think all will be well with the child either. You seem to think all will just work out ok.
Even ignoring the issues that will come between you and you fiancée, have you ever wondered about how your new partner might get on with your child who is so young and requires so much attention?
I can bet that if you give your child the attention they require it will cause cracks in the new relationship. Women have issues accepting other people's kids too. If you are a young, free successful person, you might not cope with the extra baggage and pressure a child brings.
Your family will also struggle with your new relationship. Given the circumstances and how well liked your fiancée is, I can see that also causing issues.
Your family will also think less of you as a person.
You need to get this other woman out of your life and get your head down. If in a year's time you haven't solved issues you then have a decision to make.
I don't think you realise how good you've got it and you will ruin your own life in these circumstances too.
If there was deep rooted issues in your relationship, I'd begin to understand. However reading what you've posted it simply comes across as you've taken a fancy to some other woman and are getting carried away.
You also seem to think everything will be ok if you do walk as your fiancée is such a nice person.
Don't kid yourself.
You already have a child and she's thinking about more kids and a wedding. If you leave her you will break her heart and you will see a totally different person. Don't expect her to take such a life changing event and still be all nice to you, especially when she finds out there is another woman involved. That's the ultimate insult.
Don't think all will be well with the child either. You seem to think all will just work out ok.
Even ignoring the issues that will come between you and you fiancée, have you ever wondered about how your new partner might get on with your child who is so young and requires so much attention?
I can bet that if you give your child the attention they require it will cause cracks in the new relationship. Women have issues accepting other people's kids too. If you are a young, free successful person, you might not cope with the extra baggage and pressure a child brings.
Your family will also struggle with your new relationship. Given the circumstances and how well liked your fiancée is, I can see that also causing issues.
Your family will also think less of you as a person.
You need to get this other woman out of your life and get your head down. If in a year's time you haven't solved issues you then have a decision to make.
I don't think you realise how good you've got it and you will ruin your own life in these circumstances too.
Edited by Driver101 on Tuesday 30th September 15:33
jshell said:
Muzzer79 said:
I fully believe that there is no sense in being with someone you don't love for the rest of your life. You only get one go at it, so don't waste it.
However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
This is a good post, but be awful, awful, awful sure and then still think on it! If the OP bales, then something will definitely break for good!However, you need to be 2000% sure before considering something like this, which I don't think you can be in the OP's situation.
Take (a lot) more time. If you're still unhappy then take action based on that, not on another woman.
Leaving your fiancée and child for the promise of a bit of 'uncharted territory' is a pretty s
tty way to behave. But having the guts to admit that your relationship has failed and moving on for the longterm benefit of all parties concerned doesn't make you an ahole or a coward. 
Thanks for all the replies.
Some heartfelt stuff from some on here and I really value it, the pics not so much but hey, to be expected around these parts.... In a bit of mess right now, don't know if I'm coming or going but sick of sneaking around. I'll update the thread either way.
To clarify a couple of points that kept coming up though; I don't find being a Dad hard, I LOVE it! I am aware how lucky I am. I don't feel the birth of our child has put too much strain on us, I worry for the future though and what happens when they've flown the roost. I need to spend my life with someone I can relate to, I'm not sure it's healthy to channel everything I have into my daughter and possibly more siblings besides if my heart isn't with their mother. I worry of the consequences of an 'unhappy' family home and what effect it might have on them as someone astutely pointed out earlier.
I expected to be called selfish but I'm trying to put my daughter at the forefront of this decision and ensure I create the right environment for her LONGTERM.
A number of posters have advised not to rush into anything and to spend some quality time with my fiancé. I intend to do this. I just spent an hour on the phone to the OW, as she has been coined, and I explained I needed some time to myself. I am scared of losing her though.
Edit: I suspect some truth in the depression thing. Career is tough and a very nasty health scare have perhaps worn me down.
Some heartfelt stuff from some on here and I really value it, the pics not so much but hey, to be expected around these parts.... In a bit of mess right now, don't know if I'm coming or going but sick of sneaking around. I'll update the thread either way.
To clarify a couple of points that kept coming up though; I don't find being a Dad hard, I LOVE it! I am aware how lucky I am. I don't feel the birth of our child has put too much strain on us, I worry for the future though and what happens when they've flown the roost. I need to spend my life with someone I can relate to, I'm not sure it's healthy to channel everything I have into my daughter and possibly more siblings besides if my heart isn't with their mother. I worry of the consequences of an 'unhappy' family home and what effect it might have on them as someone astutely pointed out earlier.
I expected to be called selfish but I'm trying to put my daughter at the forefront of this decision and ensure I create the right environment for her LONGTERM.
A number of posters have advised not to rush into anything and to spend some quality time with my fiancé. I intend to do this. I just spent an hour on the phone to the OW, as she has been coined, and I explained I needed some time to myself. I am scared of losing her though.
Edit: I suspect some truth in the depression thing. Career is tough and a very nasty health scare have perhaps worn me down.
Edited by DoTheRightThing on Tuesday 30th September 15:42
Driver101 said:
Too many people only end relationships as they think they have something better to move on to. That always looks wrong in my opinion. Also after the initial excitement of the relationship, it's probably no better than the relationship they have left.
This strikes a cord with me. I still have doubts about leaving my ex. 
DoTheRightThing said:
I am scared of losing her though.
And in your first post:DoTheRightThing said:
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words.
Are you already banging her then?SeanyD said:
See the connection with the OP - recent fatherhood. Both parents very tired, both putting little one first all the time, both have little quality time together, both have little me-time. Best advice I can give is give yourselves a break, arrange for child to stay out overnight from time to time (Grandma, Aunty, best friend, whoever), and have a night out together, enjoy each others company, go back home, break the bed, and generally have a laugh together.
Very true. She works most evenings and weekends, me Monday-Friday. We only have one/maybe two evenings at home together each week. It sucks but it's part of having a kid. Unfortunately they can't look after themselves. We actually had a rare night out together last night and we had a nice time. Forgot how much I liked her to be honest
Studio117 said:
Driver101 said:
Too many people only end relationships as they think they have something better to move on to. That always looks wrong in my opinion. Also after the initial excitement of the relationship, it's probably no better than the relationship they have left.
This strikes a cord with me. I still have doubts about leaving my ex. Monkeylegend said:
Salt-N-Pepa, that's what you need OP because that's what your problem is all about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCadcBR95oU
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