Sexlife as parents..frequency. what's 'normal'?

[ThunderSpook]

Tried that, and she actually backed it but after a consultation they said I'd have to have a general to have it done which a) I'm not keen on and b) they've not actually got around to contacting me to schedule yet from the consultation in the middle of last year.

[Amateurish]

Try going private?

[ThunderSpook]

Don't think I have her backing any more and wouldn't feel right doin it behind her back.

[eltax91]

ThunderSpook said:

Don't think I have her backing any more and wouldn't feel right doin it behind her back.

Do it. Then tell her you are officially trying. You can go at it until she realises it's not working, then you can go for 'tests' and miraculously your sperm count has dropped massively so you can't have any more.

[ThunderSpook]

Hehe nice idea! Last two times it worked pretty much first time (no fair, I was hoping for lots of trying!) so she might notice fairly quickly.

[gentlemangreen]

eltax91 said:

ThunderSpook said:

Don't think I have her backing any more and wouldn't feel right doin it behind her back.

Do it. Then tell her you are officially trying. You can go at it until she realises it's not working, then you can go for 'tests' and miraculously your sperm count has dropped massively so you can't have any more.

WTF!!!!?

[budgie smuggler]

hora said:

A couple of years ago I heard someone trying to open a downstairs window in the middle of the night but I really needed a long slash before I could investigate/creep down. Rather than turn the lights on (and alert the burglar) I crept into the bathroom and pissed everywhere in the dark. I had to pee into the bath in the end. FFS

So you pissed all over the bathroom floor and then in your bath, rather than disturb and presumably scare off somebody who was trying to break into your house?

[Adenauer]

budgie smuggler said:

hora said:

A couple of years ago I heard someone trying to open a downstairs window in the middle of the night but I really needed a long slash before I could investigate/creep down. Rather than turn the lights on (and alert the burglar) I crept into the bathroom and pissed everywhere in the dark. I had to pee into the bath in the end. FFS

So you pissed all over the bathroom floor and then in your bath, rather than disturb and presumably scare off somebody who was trying to break into your house?

Perfectly normal. I always make a point of sitting down for a good long poo whenever I hear anyone trying to break in downstairs, you can never be too careful.

[matchmaker]

How often? When's the next leap year?

[RWD cossie wil]

Adenauer said:

budgie smuggler said:

hora said:

A couple of years ago I heard someone trying to open a downstairs window in the middle of the night but I really needed a long slash before I could investigate/creep down. Rather than turn the lights on (and alert the burglar) I crept into the bathroom and pissed everywhere in the dark. I had to pee into the bath in the end. FFS

So you pissed all over the bathroom floor and then in your bath, rather than disturb and presumably scare off somebody who was trying to break into your house?

Perfectly normal. I always make a point of sitting down for a good long poo whenever I hear anyone trying to break in downstairs, you can never be too careful.

I wouldn't be trying that in South Africa......

[Rude-boy]

ThunderSpook said:

Hehe nice idea! Last two times it worked pretty much first time (no fair, I was hoping for lots of trying!) so she might notice fairly quickly.

I have a pair of bricks in the garage. £50, no questions asked but you'll have to sort your own after care out and I'm not insured

[alfa aficionado]

Mr Gearchange said:

Yeah, and inadvertently pole vault yourself out of the window when you roll over in the night.

[hacksaw]

I rolled up behind the mrs, nudged the old chap against her arse, whispered in her ear, "anal tonight love?"

"Pack it in" she sighed

Well, didn't need asking twice.......

[sagarich]

hacksaw said:

I rolled up behind the mrs, nudged the old chap against her arse, whispered in her ear, "anal tonight love?"

"Pack it in" she sighed

Well, didn't need asking twice.......

Brilliant!

[three five five]

hacksaw said:

I rolled up behind the mrs, nudged the old chap against her arse, whispered in her ear, "anal tonight love?"

"Pack it in" she sighed

Well, didn't need asking twice.......

Thank you. Stealing that...

[daddy cool]

hacksaw said:

I rolled up behind the mrs, nudged the old chap against her arse, whispered in her ear, "want to play the rape game?"

"No" she sighed

Well, "That's the spirit!", I thought to myself...

The more extreme version!

[pork911]

ThunderSpook said:

Not sure if this thread has made me feel better or worse. We have two aged 2 and nearly 4 and probably average once every 3 months maybe.

Wife is desperate for another since the 2nd one came along but I'm happy with 2 so therefore anything to do with sex she relates to having another child and pretty much refuses to unless I agree to have another.

Jeeeez

[Adenauer]

Mr Roper said:

Adenauer said:

We have two teenage daughters, they seem to have their respective BF's staying over nearly every other night, so it is almost impossible.

Still manage about 4 times per month more than you though

So it's ok for your girls to get some but you can't?

World gone mad.

Case in point.

Yesterday afternoon after I got home from work, youngest daughter is upstairs with her BF. After about 5 minutes she comes downstairs to say hello. All is fine. She is normally dressed.

20 minutes later the phone rings, I answer it but it's for her so I call her, she comes down after a couple of minutes, in her bloody pyjamas!!

When she's off the phone I say that we are eating at seven and that I want her to be properly dressed when she comes down for tea.

She looked at me like I'd just sentenced her to death.

[WestyCarl]

How old is she?
(only asking as I suspect I have this to come in a few years)

[Adenauer]

Going on 18.