Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
An Aussie Drover appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the Stockman offered.
'On a trip out the back of Longreach in Western Queensland , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I asked them very nicely to leave her alone, but the mongrels wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked him in the arse, knocked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, 'Now, back off you b
ds or I'll kick the st out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'About a couple of minutes ago’.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the Stockman offered.
'On a trip out the back of Longreach in Western Queensland , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I asked them very nicely to leave her alone, but the mongrels wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked him in the arse, knocked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, 'Now, back off you b
ds or I'll kick the st out of all of you!'St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'About a couple of minutes ago’.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery. He insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best. Just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
Vipers said:
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery. He insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best. Just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best. Just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
“Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”
Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother.”
My kind of humor 
MartG said:
When I was in Amsterdam, there were signs all over the place pointing out the way to Ann Frank's house - no wonder the Nazis found her so easily!!..
....but luckily they were disly..... dysel..... disney....... - NOT GOOD WITH WORDS - and kept looking for a milking parlour.....Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff