Went ballistic at my OH browsing my facebook

[Kermit power]

isee said:

Dick_Phallus said:

Martial Arts Man said:

The way I see it, the access to information rules get more relaxed as a relationship progresses.

It's easy to give the OP a hard time, but he may have only been with his partner for a short period. That is a totally different kettle of fish to being married guys!

Thing is, I'm not sure I would be comfortable to open my whole life to a girlfriend at all. A wife, no problem, you're in it together. But no way a girlfriend!


Is it really a girlfriend's place to have access to all one's private (and sometimes sensitive or commercial) info and correspondance?


Hell no!

Fair point, but this is Facebook. It's not going to have sensitive or commercial information on it. He's going to be seeing what people have been doing since school, and sending flirty messages to women. That's what it's for.

If she'd been accessing his online banking I could see his upset, even emails, but this just screams 'I'm keeping a couple of other women on the boil' incase things go tits up with you...which is fine but don't be upset when you get caught doing this.

funnily enough, she has access to my online banking and is free within reason to use the funds there for personal needs provided she tells me beforehand. And this is all I wanted with the FB. I would have had no problem if she had asked to browse my FB (I wouldn't have been ecstatic about it, but I would have let her do it). As many people on here have said, it's not the fact that she has done it, it's the obvious distrust that her actions have shown that pissed me off. Why else would you read someone's messages otherwise?

Idle curiosity?

[Rude Girl]

isee said:

posting something anonymously to a bunch of anonymous people on t'internet!

This is PH. What traditionally happens in response to an assertion like this is that someone posts your name, address and phone number after a little bit of digging.

Some people never learn...

[isee]

Rude Girl said:

isee said:

posting something anonymously to a bunch of anonymous people on t'internet!

This is PH. What traditionally happens in response to an assertion like this is that someone posts your name, address and phone number after a little bit of digging.

Some people never learn...

Then I suppose breaking up might be a more real possibility than at present.

I shudder at the thought of becoming "famous" for being that bloke that complained about his mrs checking his facebook. That's up there on the embarassment scale as being caught wking to midget porn whilst staying at you in-laws isn't it?

[bazking69]

If she was browsing with a view to catching you out then i'd suggest your relationship has an issue with trust...
Don't let her turn what is her getting caught out snooping round on you like they seem to try. SHE is in the wrong. Make sure she is aware of this.

[BAHN-STORMA]

Rude Girl said:

This is PH. What traditionally happens in response to an assertion like this is that someone posts your name, address and phone number after a little bit of digging...

I'll start... Mr A Smith in London... that shouldn't be too hard to find... Oh, wait...

[Kentish]

Georgiegirl said:

I see why you are a bit annoyed, but that level of reaction means one thing to women - you are very very guilty!

I have female friends on facebook who i chat with, mainly friends from work and old schools mates.

I usually talk to my wife about them and what they are doing and what the discussions have been anyway. I don't mind her reading what I have written if she wanted to.

I too can see why you got annoyed, you think she is sneaky and untrusting but I agree with Georgiegirl, your overeaction just makes you look very guilty.

[Kermit power]

bazking69 said:

If she was browsing with a view to catching you out then i'd suggest your relationship has an issue with trust...
Don't let her turn what is her getting caught out snooping round on you like they seem to try. SHE is in the wrong. Make sure she is aware of this.

A lot of people seem to be assuming she was deliberately snooping because she had some sort of trust issue.

Isn't it equally likely that she was just messing around with the nice, shiny gadget (yes, I know, she's not a bloke, but still not impossible) in a moment of boredom, and the OP had left Facebook open?

What might have just been a bit of idle curiosity then is certainly going to be a trust issue now due to the mad overreaction.

[Mr POD]

isee said:

I confiscated the phone and told her in strong language that what she did is just not on.


To make a long story short she is now upset with ME and is not talking to me unless she has to...
WTF!?

Have I overreacted?

It pisses me off that rather than apologising I am the guilty one now. Not sure how that works but if she keeps that up I am tempted to throw in the towel.

This woman ? She shares your bed ? She gets to share your emails and text messages too !!! But she is allowed to ban you from reading hers. THAT IS THE LAW.

Did you over react ? Yes. The best way is to point out the messages which you think she might get the wrong impression and ask her how you should reply to her best friend asking if you can come around to fix her pipes.

As for appologising. The LAW as it stands is that the bloke grovels until it hurts and then buys flowers every day for 3 weeks or until such time as she permits that knowing "I've won smile"

So much to learn

[isee]

Kermit power said:

bazking69 said:

If she was browsing with a view to catching you out then i'd suggest your relationship has an issue with trust...
Don't let her turn what is her getting caught out snooping round on you like they seem to try. SHE is in the wrong. Make sure she is aware of this.

A lot of people seem to be assuming she was deliberately snooping because she had some sort of trust issue.

Isn't it equally likely that she was just messing around with the nice, shiny gadget (yes, I know, she's not a bloke, but still not impossible) in a moment of boredom, and the OP had left Facebook open?

What might have just been a bit of idle curiosity then is certainly going to be a trust issue now due to the mad overreaction.

That was not the case. I have not been on facebook this week so it certainly was not open. I have observed her for at least half an hour on that page (not realising it was facebook that was running from the distance)

[Dave200]

escargot said:

What the fk? Why are people siding with the psychotic, jealous bunny boiler in this?

Mate, you did absolutely the right thing and the reason she's giving you the silent treatment is because she's embarrassed that you caught her.

+1

I would have packed her bags on her behalf. An ex of mine once "accidentally" started looking through the sent messages in my mobile phone - Funnily enough, she was halfway down the list when I stumbled upon her. She got the hump because she couldn't understand why I didn't want my privacy invaded in such an underhand manner, and tried taking the "nothing to hide" (when in fact there was nothing remotely incriminating) moral highground. Long story short, this is why she is now an ex.

She can't respect your privacy and doesn't trust you. Relationship over.

EDIT: People with several thousand posts on a forum populated by 99.9% strangers, then criticising people for using Facebook to keep in touch with real friends? I can decide whether that is sheer, arrogant hypocrasy; or whether you are actually joking...

Edited by Dave200 on Wednesday 1st April 11:06

[Pints]

This thread is EXACTLY why I don't have a Facebook account anymore. After 4 years of marriage, Mrs Pints and I had the biggest falling out over this and quite frankly, although I had/have nothing to hide, our relationship is worth more than the "privacy" argument.

[Martial Arts Man]

GT 1 said:

Martial Arts Man said:

Is it really a girlfriend's place to have access to all one's private (and sometimes sensitive or commercial) info and correspondance?


Hell no!

So what if you've been a girlfriend for 23 years?

Still hell no?

Still a Hell no.

Can't trust her that much, having been together that long without getting hitched.

Maybe some other commitment like a joint mortgage could replace the vows in my "earn my trust, bh" system

[Mr POD]

My wife won't even open her own post, let alone mine. Apparently it's my job.

[elster]

I just spoke about this with my ex.

She just said she used to go through and delete people off my facebook and read my messages.

She certainly is a first class bunny boiler.

[isee]

elster said:

I just spoke about this with my ex.

She just said she used to go through and delete people off my facebook and read my messages.

She certainly is a first class bunny boiler.

Your post helped me realise why I hated it so much. It's the controlling nature rather than invasion of privacy.

[FoolOnTheHill]

isee said:

Caught my mrs browsing my facebook on the iphone, reading the messages from my female friends etc.
There was nothing incriminating on there but that really pissed me off in principle.
I confiscated the phone and told her in strong language that what she did is just not on.
To make a long story short she is now upset with ME and is not talking to me unless she has to...
WTF!?

Have I overreacted?
I suppose I made myself look guilty in her eyes by reacting so strongly. I have nothing to hide but it doesn't mean it's ok to read my personal inbox. I never read her messages whenever she leaves her mailbox open on my pc. I never browse through her text messages on her phone either.

I do believe that if you are looking for something you will find it eventually though...

It pisses me off that rather than apologising I am the guilty one now. Not sure how that works but if she keeps that up I am tempted to throw in the towel.

So which one of your facebook friends are you banging?

[Colin_147]

Me and the OH both know each other's passwords for pretty much everything. I never log into her accounts and she never goes into mine. I guess its just knowing that we have nothing to hide by sharing this information

Im sure not all relationships are the same

[Sheets Tabuer]

I don't look at my OH phone, e-mail or post and I don't expect her to look at mine, I'd be pretty miffed if she did.

[Salgar]

Get the MX5

[OJ]

elster said:

I just spoke about this with my ex.

She just said she used to go through and delete people off my facebook and read my messages.

She certainly is a first class bunny boiler.

Mine does that (current not ex)... Her only flaw as I see it, but put it this way I'd garage my cars if we split up under anything less than very amicable circumstances

I don't really care though and I've yet to lose an argument over it