The PH thread of things you don't say to your missus.
Discussion
S18DMW said:
Shortly after meeting current GF's younger (and mightily fine sister) never ever lean over to your mate who happens to be there and say 'I think I've got the wrong sister'
It's all well and good until I noticed the GF had heard what I said. I wasn't spoken to for a while after that, unsurprisingly that relatinship ended rather quickly.
And for extra PH points. This is the ex....
This is the sister....
Quoted for when he sobers up It's all well and good until I noticed the GF had heard what I said. I wasn't spoken to for a while after that, unsurprisingly that relatinship ended rather quickly.
And for extra PH points. This is the ex....
This is the sister....
Animala said:
Sometimes saying nothing at all can be just as bad...
Her: Look I got my tattoo done!
Me: *silence with look of disgust on my face at this peice of s
t permanently scarred onto her chest*
I should have known better just to smile and lie but it reallywas is THAT bad.
But hey, all that really matters is that she likes it right?
I should have stayed quiet when my wife had her's done. I just came out with "please tell me that's a rub on tattoo" she still isn't really talking to me. Her: Look I got my tattoo done!
Me: *silence with look of disgust on my face at this peice of s
t permanently scarred onto her chest*I should have known better just to smile and lie but it really
But hey, all that really matters is that she likes it right?
Rude-boy said:
When asked by your beloved if she is better at BJs than your ex for God's sake just say yes rather than take it as an opportunity to discuss the merits of different techniques in the hope of achieving the perfect Zen of the best of all worlds.
You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
The correct answer is "she never gave me one. Wouldn't do it."You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
HereBeMonsters said:
Rude-boy said:
When asked by your beloved if she is better at BJs than your ex for God's sake just say yes rather than take it as an opportunity to discuss the merits of different techniques in the hope of achieving the perfect Zen of the best of all worlds.
You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
The correct answer is "she never gave me one. Wouldn't do it."You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
Seriously, you can't win this one. Apart from maybe saying "of course my love", then going down on her until she's forgotten the question was ever asked...
Zwoelf said:
HereBeMonsters said:
Rude-boy said:
When asked by your beloved if she is better at BJs than your ex for God's sake just say yes rather than take it as an opportunity to discuss the merits of different techniques in the hope of achieving the perfect Zen of the best of all worlds.
You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
The correct answer is "she never gave me one. Wouldn't do it."You may eventually achieve that level of Zen, but there are far less painful ways of doing so I suspect
Seriously, you can't win this one. Apart from maybe saying "of course my love", then going down on her until she's forgotten the question was ever asked...
Williams99 said:
Another girls name. Didn't go very well. Especially as I just rolled over and went to sleep....
I did that one, ONCE. In my defense, it was in the middle of a serious discussion, OK, screaming fight. And the name followed "Oh for f**ks sake, <wrong name>", which actually helped to defuse the fight, or at least redirect it.
One of the perks of dating a Jamaican woman is when they ask if their bum is getting bigger you can say yes with all the confidence that she won't have a mental.
Going back a few posts. I learnt after awhile to not tell my missus about my days off. Cue her calling me one day to ask how work was.
Me - Don't know I'm at home
Her - Why? You should have told me you have a day off?
Me - Why would I do that?
Her - Because I could have got you to do the food shopping, banking, take clothes to the dry cleaners etc etc.
Me - That's exactly why I didn't tell you.
Her - So what have you done?
Me - Absolutely nothing.
Her - Well can you do the food shopping, banking, take clothes to the dry cleaners etc etc.
Me - Nah love. Day off. See you at 5.30pm.
Going back a few posts. I learnt after awhile to not tell my missus about my days off. Cue her calling me one day to ask how work was.
Me - Don't know I'm at home
Her - Why? You should have told me you have a day off?
Me - Why would I do that?
Her - Because I could have got you to do the food shopping, banking, take clothes to the dry cleaners etc etc.
Me - That's exactly why I didn't tell you.
Her - So what have you done?
Me - Absolutely nothing.
Her - Well can you do the food shopping, banking, take clothes to the dry cleaners etc etc.
Me - Nah love. Day off. See you at 5.30pm.
Actually one garunteed argument starter is telling her that if she wants chips, a pudding, or anything else calorie laden when we go out to eat then she can order her own plate as I won't be sharing does not go down well. You think she'd learn after I refused point plank to share my chocolate fudge cake on our first date. I don't know why she thinks she's going to break me.
I have just found out a brilliant wind up potential cause for divorce from one of the contractors at work. He pays his wife a wage from his company to look after the home "office" and as such spends a fair amount of time winding her up that he is her boss.
One of his shirts had a stain in it that his wife couldn't get out in the laundry, so he has mocked up a letter as if it is from his companies HR dept informing her that it is unsatisfactory working standards and she will be subject to a full performance review, possible investigation and a disciplinary and she has 14 days to respond.
She got the letter this morning and has in his own words "not seen the funny side and has gone supernova".
He can't see why she is so angry, and everytime she calls him he gets the giggles. I think he will be in the doghouse for a while after this one.
One of his shirts had a stain in it that his wife couldn't get out in the laundry, so he has mocked up a letter as if it is from his companies HR dept informing her that it is unsatisfactory working standards and she will be subject to a full performance review, possible investigation and a disciplinary and she has 14 days to respond.
She got the letter this morning and has in his own words "not seen the funny side and has gone supernova".
He can't see why she is so angry, and everytime she calls him he gets the giggles. I think he will be in the doghouse for a while after this one.
omgus said:
One of his shirts had a stain in it that his wife couldn't get out in the laundry, so he has mocked up a letter as if it is from his companies HR dept informing her that it is unsatisfactory working standards and she will be subject to a full performance review, possible investigation and a disciplinary and she has 14 days to respond.
She got the letter this morning and has in his own words "not seen the funny side and has gone supernova".
She got the letter this morning and has in his own words "not seen the funny side and has gone supernova".
Miguel Alvarez said:
Actually one garunteed argument starter is telling her that if she wants chips, a pudding, or anything else calorie laden when we go out to eat then she can order her own plate as I won't be sharing does not go down well. You think she'd learn after I refused point plank to share my chocolate fudge cake on our first date. I don't know why she thinks she's going to break me.
I don't mind sharing food, but my wife has an annoying habit of only eating certain parts of it.For example, hot apple pie with custard (
) she will eat custard only, then the pastry, leaving me with an excessive amount of hot apples. 
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