Management Speak

[smn159]

wormus said:

g3org3y said:

Sounds more like st chat from people who are desperate to sound clever/important.

Nothing wrong with being clever and important. Somebody’s got to lead.

Spot on. Lets T-Shirt it, then I can stir fry the results in my think-wok before we pool our brain spaces in a centre of excellence.

Piece of piss.

[Countdown]

wormus said:

SAS Tom said:

Why is there a need for anything to do with t shirts? If the useful part of it is a size why not call it a size?

What like feet and inches? Kilos? Perhaps European shoe size?

It’s S,M,L,XL

Edited by wormus on Thursday 11th July 19:04

Just to point out that S/M/L/XL are different sizes depending on which shop you go to...something that's an S in Tesco is L in M&S and XXL in River island

[Lily the Pink]

wormus said:

SAS Tom said:

You say it as if T shirt makes sense!

Why not jumpers, coats or gloves?

We do...in winter

I think it would add a lot more gravitas to the situation if bra sizes were used.

[anonymous-user]

Countdown said:

Just to point out that S/M/L/XL are different sizes depending on which shop you go to...something that's an S in Tesco is L in M&S and XXL in River island

You obviously suffer an eclectic, ill fitting wardrobe.

[zarjaz1991]

Gecko1978 said:

S a business analyst I am subject to much of this BS on a daily basis. To be clear I became a BA when I realised I would get paid more to talk crap about my day job than actually do my day job (Risk Analyst in the city).

Agile is the current flavour of the month.

list of tasks = backlog
when a task is done = sprint 1, 2, 3 etc
daily meeting = scrum
person who hosts the meeting = scrum master
more senior project manager = product owner
(note the last 2 are unlikely to actually have a clue what's going on).

Requirments for any activity = user story
collection of requirments = epic

to discover something is wrong = fast fail

its all bullst and I have yet to see it work well

Yep my employers now have all this nonsense.

Since its introduction within the development team (of which I am not a part), the main change seems to be that nothing gets done but there are lots of meetings about things that are supposed to be getting done, but don't.

[grumbledoak]

g3org3y said:

Sounds more like st chat from people who are desperate to sound clever/important.

It is.

[Harpoon]

smn159 said:

Spot on. Lets T-Shirt it, then I can stir fry the results in my think-wok before we pool our brain spaces in a centre of excellence.

Piece of piss.

Gus Hedges would be proud of that.

[grumpy52]

wormus said:

SAS Tom said:

Why is there a need for anything to do with t shirts? If the useful part of it is a size why not call it a size?

What like feet and inches? Kilos? Perhaps European shoe size?

It’s S,M,L,XL

Edited by wormus on Thursday 11th July 19:04

But is that UK/US sizes or Chinese sizes ?

[jonamv8]

wormus said:

g3org3y said:

Sounds more like st chat from people who are desperate to sound clever/important.

Nothing wrong with being clever and important. Somebody’s got to lead.

What line of work are you in?

[jonamv8]

zarjaz1991 said:

Gecko1978 said:

S a business analyst I am subject to much of this BS on a daily basis. To be clear I became a BA when I realised I would get paid more to talk crap about my day job than actually do my day job (Risk Analyst in the city).

Agile is the current flavour of the month.

list of tasks = backlog
when a task is done = sprint 1, 2, 3 etc
daily meeting = scrum
person who hosts the meeting = scrum master
more senior project manager = product owner
(note the last 2 are unlikely to actually have a clue what's going on).

Requirments for any activity = user story
collection of requirments = epic

to discover something is wrong = fast fail

its all bullst and I have yet to see it work well

Yep my employers now have all this nonsense.

Since its introduction within the development team (of which I am not a part), the main change seems to be that nothing gets done but there are lots of meetings about things that are supposed to be getting done, but don't.

Which is why as a company who develop software we don’t use it. Our projects get delivered on time, on budget and without major issues. Rather than chat we do, mad concept really.

[Scabutz]

jonamv8 said:

wormus said:

g3org3y said:

Sounds more like st chat from people who are desperate to sound clever/important.

Nothing wrong with being clever and important. Somebody’s got to lead.

What line of work are you in?

My moneys on management consultant

[anonymous-user]

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

[Scabutz]

zarjaz1991 said:

Gecko1978 said:

S a business analyst I am subject to much of this BS on a daily basis. To be clear I became a BA when I realised I would get paid more to talk crap about my day job than actually do my day job (Risk Analyst in the city).

Agile is the current flavour of the month.

list of tasks = backlog
when a task is done = sprint 1, 2, 3 etc
daily meeting = scrum
person who hosts the meeting = scrum master
more senior project manager = product owner
(note the last 2 are unlikely to actually have a clue what's going on).

Requirments for any activity = user story
collection of requirments = epic

to discover something is wrong = fast fail

its all bullst and I have yet to see it work well

Yep my employers now have all this nonsense.

Since its introduction within the development team (of which I am not a part), the main change seems to be that nothing gets done but there are lots of meetings about things that are supposed to be getting done, but don't.

As I said above it depends very much on how its applied. Often the business outside of IT cant adapt or arent trained. But also it can be the IT team who dont understand it properly either.

Agile is not the emperor's new clothes. It can work. But too many companies implement it badly because they think they have to without understanding the benefits and doing it properly.

[jonamv8]

wormus said:

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

The work or the talking about the work?

[Lily the Pink]

wormus said:

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

Ah, interesting. What does it mean ?

[xjay1337]

Lily the Pink said:

wormus said:

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

Ah, interesting. What does it mean ?

Sounds like new fangled American "lifestyle " name for marketer

[jonamv8]

Lily the Pink said:

wormus said:

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

Ah, interesting. What does it mean ?

Digital transformation is the profound transformation of business and organizational activities, processes, competencies and models to fully leverage the changes and opportunities of a mix of digital technologies and their accelerating impact across society in a strategic and prioritized way, with present and future shifts in mind.

[ruggedscotty]

was in a meeting years ago, when this was kinda floating about and starting to take root - the ones that talk with sayings and words that really seem out of place in a Scottish working environment.

I got up and said look out the window - what do you see..... Arran was the answer... and whats around it - sea.... they said. now whats that bit out there where the sea meets the land.... beach they said.... or what else another name.... coast.... bingo... its the freaking west coast of Scotland not cali-ducking-fornia…. I walked out the meeting.

sometimes they just don't get it.

[johnwilliams77]

ruggedscotty said:

was in a meeting years ago, when this was kinda floating about and starting to take root - the ones that talk with sayings and words that really seem out of place in a Scottish working environment.

I got up and said look out the window - what do you see..... Arran was the answer... and whats around it - sea.... they said. now whats that bit out there where the sea meets the land.... beach they said.... or what else another name.... coast.... bingo... its the freaking west coast of Scotland not cali-ducking-fornia…. I walked out the meeting.

sometimes they just don't get it.

You sure showed them!

[Scabutz]

jonamv8 said:

Lily the Pink said:

wormus said:

jonamv8 said:

What line of work are you in?

Digital transformation.

Ah, interesting. What does it mean ?

Digital transformation is the profound transformation of business and organizational activities, processes, competencies and models to fully leverage the changes and opportunities of a mix of digital technologies and their accelerating impact across society in a strategic and prioritized way, with present and future shifts in mind.

Nice, good effort. But you went too far and now we know you're trolling us. Good style.