Any other expectant Dads?

[Gary29]

Fermit and Sarah said:

Thank you all. Stress in one she is very aware of, and she is trying to remain as relaxed as can be. She is also planning on losing a stone over the next month, she's not a big girl, but to get her BMI spot on.

Our midwife recommended taking folic acid supplements for 3 months before conception, it might help if she is not already taking it.

[Fermit and Sarah]

Gary29 said:

Fermit and Sarah said:

Thank you all. Stress in one she is very aware of, and she is trying to remain as relaxed as can be. She is also planning on losing a stone over the next month, she's not a big girl, but to get her BMI spot on.

Our midwife recommended taking folic acid supplements for 3 months before conception, it might help if she is not already taking it.

Thank you. I suspect she has taken them on previous occasions, but I'll double check with her when she's home.

[chip*]

zubzob said:

Can anyone comment on the first couple of months? We are only 5 weeks, and have been told we can't do anything re scans or appointments until at least 8-9 weeks. Other than folic acid, anything we should be doing? Is a private scan worth it?

We had an early scan (8 weeks) included as part of the IVF package. It was an invasive scan, and the Consultant was able to check the foetus heart beat and the development was all within the normal range (You can see the foetus and sac on the scanner screen). If all good, the Clinic would officially discharge us i.e. their job is is done and we would slot back into the NHS system. We found the 8 weeks scan useful as it gave us the news we crave from the long IVF journey endured by us. If we weren't going through IVF, we would most likely waited for the 12 weeks scan.

[CharlieH89]

Fermit and Sarah said:

An update from me, as needing to vent somewhere. Please don't let the mood of my tone detract from the joy of any of you expecting fathers.

We are about to resume on yet another attempt of IVF. Some of you may recall, back in March, that Sarah lost her baby (pregnancy)
which was mortifying. We have had two further attempts without success, so this time shall be the forth. I am worrying that it may not happen, and it is chewing me up a little TBH. The other thing is that we are not getting any younger, she is 40, I'm 41.
She is taking the line of 'it shall happen for us darling', but I fear this is a front, and she has the same worries.

IIRC, after this try (should it not happen) we have two more Embryos, then there shall be no further NHS support, it shall be at our cost (save the debate around the morals of funding for another day please) We are not cash rich ATM, nor shall we be for a few more years at least (mid a significant house renovation)

If any of you dads, or expecting dads have been through similar, and have any words of advice or the like I would welcome them, as this one is upsetting me some what.

How long have you been trying for? I guess because it is IVF you are having 12 months +?
Sorry to hear.
We took 12 months to conceive but the first 9 months I’d say I was stressed and we also had a loss during that time too which hit us hard.
I guess youve had sperm mobility and motility checks? I took Wellmans Vitabiotics for 3 months, used conceive plus and we were on holiday when we conceived eventually.

[CharlieH89]

zubzob said:

Can anyone comment on the first couple of months? We are only 5 weeks, and have been told we can't do anything re scans or appointments until at least 8-9 weeks. Other than folic acid, anything we should be doing? Is a private scan worth it?

We had a scan at 7 weeks. Didn’t see much. Just wait until 12 weeks.

[Blown2CV]

Vaud said:

zubzob said:

Can anyone comment on the first couple of months? We are only 5 weeks, and have been told we can't do anything re scans or appointments until at least 8-9 weeks. Other than folic acid, anything we should be doing? Is a private scan worth it?

There isn't much point in earlier scans as I understand it - it is too small to make useful measurements and assessments.

best thing you can do is chill. It might feel weird to the Mrs that she doesn't even know it's really happening until the first scan, which can seem a long time away, but this is something they all go through.

[Super Slo Mo]

Fermit and Sarah said:

An update from me, as needing to vent somewhere. Please don't let the mood of my tone detract from the joy of any of you expecting fathers.

We are about to resume on yet another attempt of IVF. Some of you may recall, back in March, that Sarah lost her baby (pregnancy)
which was mortifying. We have had two further attempts without success, so this time shall be the forth. I am worrying that it may not happen, and it is chewing me up a little TBH. The other thing is that we are not getting any younger, she is 40, I'm 41.
She is taking the line of 'it shall happen for us darling', but I fear this is a front, and she has the same worries.

IIRC, after this try (should it not happen) we have two more Embryos, then there shall be no further NHS support, it shall be at our cost (save the debate around the morals of funding for another day please) We are not cash rich ATM, nor shall we be for a few more years at least (mid a significant house renovation)

If any of you dads, or expecting dads have been through similar, and have any words of advice or the like I would welcome them, as this one is upsetting me some what.

Yes, been there done that. :\

It’s hard, bloody hard. Not so much for me but seeing my wife crumple after finding am expelled embryo on a pad was pretty unpleasant, and there was very little comfort I could offer.

We were not eligible for NHS funding at all, as our local health authority had a cut off of 35 years old (not 38 as per NICE). At 34 and a half they decided she was too old. Heartless bds. Especially when the neighbouring authority used the 38 year rule [i] and in the same hospital [\i].
Anyway, we tried private IVF over the course of 3 or more years, 1st one failed, we stopped drinking, ate heathilty, took vitamins, exercised moderately, you know, the lot.
2nd one failed, they decided that as my wife had had endometriosis as some point (unbeknown to either of us) that her Fallopian tubes should come out. The clinical director wrote to our doctor recommending the surgery as a matter of urgency. We were told no. .

So we paid for the procedure privately, there’s another £8k gone.
3rd round failed.

We were sat down by the clinic and told gently that they recommend we try a donor egg.
After some thought we decided to go for it.
The wait for a suitable donor to come up took a while as they try and match your partner to a donor of similar features (sizzle, height, hair colour).

Eventually one came up, a 19 year old, blonde rather than brunette but by this time we didn’t care.

And I’m pleased to say that it worked first time. And he’s absolutely fab, and will be One year old on Wednesday.

We are a similar age to you too. The wife was 38 when she fell pregnant? I was 43.

We left it quite a while between each round of IVF. It’s hard bloody work and you, or she at least, needs time to recover.

Hang in there, it is worth it in the end.

As an aside, feel free to PM me if you want details that I’ve not shared on here.

[Vaud]

Thanks to the dads for sharing... for it's ups and downs, this thread is one of the most constructive and supportive on the forum. Kind of how it should be.

Just glad TooMany2CVs hasn't found it... (not Blown2CV who is a great poster)

[Blown2CV]

Vaud said:

Thanks to the dads for sharing... for it's ups and downs, this thread is one of the most constructive and supportive on the forum. Kind of how it should be.

Just glad TooMany2CVs hasn't found it... (not Blown2CV who is a great poster)

[Vaud]

Blown2CV said:

I know you are sometimes mistaken of each other.

I'm guessing he has Too Many 2CVs.

Is yours broken?

[Jonnny]

Maybe too much info.. But when did Dad's stop doing the hokey kokey with Mrs?

Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action

[Blown2CV]

Vaud said:

Blown2CV said:

I know you are sometimes mistaken of each other.

I'm guessing he has Too Many 2CVs.

Is yours broken?

very often mistaken! It could also be me on occasion though so it's hard to tell.

Not owned mine for quite some time now! It's probably broken somewhere...

[Blown2CV]

Jonnny said:

Maybe too much info.. But when did Dad's stop doing the hokey kokey with Mrs?

Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action

we've not generally done much during pregnancies. It just feels a bit weird, which is awkward as she is hornier than usual! Maybe this is why some pregnant women seem to cheat on their partners!! Got to be honest, the nether regions seem to be a bit.... gamier... than usual.

[Super Slo Mo]

Jonnny said:

Maybe too much info.. But when did Dad's stop doing the hokey kokey with Mrs?

Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action

In our case we didn’t dare risk anything given how hard it’d been to get pregnant in the first place. I think all in we abstained for 11 months from before she fell pregnant until after she’d recovered from the C section.

[richatnort]

I've been wanting to post in here for a while but if I'm honest haven't had the guts. My now wife and I had a misscarriage back in January and only found out at the 12 week scan which we found is a missed misscarriage. We were both pretty shocked to say the least and mum especially, we weren't married at the time and wanted to wait until we're married to try again and agreed to start again in Jan. It's been a tough year for both and especially for my wife as she's been wanting to try again a lot within this time but I had to be strong and put the wedding first as it's what we have agreed and seemed sensible.

We're going to start again in Jan but if I'm honest I'm seriously worried we will misscarry again and don't want to go through the heart ache and pain again, it's gut wrenching. Her mother misscarried 4 times and found out she could only carry girls and my side is all boys so that plays on my mind a lot. I don't know what I'm after really just any reassurance or anyone who might have gone through something similar. We're both only 28 so still young but still worrys me.

[Blown2CV]

richatnort said:

I've been wanting to post in here for a while but if I'm honest haven't had the guts. My now wife and I had a misscarriage back in January and only found out at the 12 week scan which we found is a missed misscarriage. We were both pretty shocked to say the least and mum especially, we weren't married at the time and wanted to wait until we're married to try again and agreed to start again in Jan. It's been a tough year for both and especially for my wife as she's been wanting to try again a lot within this time but I had to be strong and put the wedding first as it's what we have agreed and seemed sensible.

We're going to start again in Jan but if I'm honest I'm seriously worried we will misscarry again and don't want to go through the heart ache and pain again, it's gut wrenching. Her mother misscarried 4 times and found out she could only carry girls and my side is all boys so that plays on my mind a lot. I don't know what I'm after really just any reassurance or anyone who might have gone through something similar. We're both only 28 so still young but still worrys me.

sorry to hear about this, must have been really st thing to go through. Once doesn't have to be a pattern though, so I guess if it is still something you are sure you want, and you are both ready, then go for it.

[havoc]

Fermit and Sarah said:

If any of you dads, or expecting dads have been through similar, and have any words of advice or the like I would welcome them, as this one is upsetting me some what.

Good friend and his wife went through all that plus a few rounds of private. Don't know the full ins-and-outs but I get the feeling it put a strain on both of them (not least the hormone injections into mum-to-be, plus the financial hits on top).
More details that I won't share, but after many years of trying naturally and a few years of IVF they now have a very healthy, happy intelligent young lad, and have stopped at 1 child. Think Mum was ~36 when lad was born.

I can only imagine the pressure you're both feeling...don't have any answers, only best wishes. Is it worth agreeing on a plan now as to how far you'll both commit (time and money) before deciding to stop. Can see it being emotionally the easy-way-out to keep saying 'one more time', avoiding the hard decision in favour of another roll-of-the-dice.

richatnort said:

We're going to start again in Jan but if I'm honest I'm seriously worried we will misscarry again and don't want to go through the heart ache and pain again, it's gut wrenching. Her mother misscarried 4 times and found out she could only carry girls and my side is all boys so that plays on my mind a lot. I don't know what I'm after really just any reassurance or anyone who might have gone through something similar. We're both only 28 so still young but still worrys me.

General statistic is 1 in 4 pregancies doesn't go to term, but that, as your MIL knows, doesn't cover the local statistical 'hot-spots'.

1. 1 and #4 were fine for us, now have a healthy baby sister to go with our 6y.o. son.

And yeah, it's tough to have two knock-backs in a row, but if you're both of the same mind it's easier to support each other.

Good luck to you both, and please try and both properly understand that, as long as Mum-to-be is doing the obvious/sensible things (no smoking, minimal drinking, folic acid supplement), then if anything does go wrong IT'S NOT HER FAULT.

[Fermit and Sarah]

CharlieH89 said:

Fermit and Sarah said:

An update from me, as needing to vent somewhere. Please don't let the mood of my tone detract from the joy of any of you expecting fathers.

We are about to resume on yet another attempt of IVF. Some of you may recall, back in March, that Sarah lost her baby (pregnancy)
which was mortifying. We have had two further attempts without success, so this time shall be the forth. I am worrying that it may not happen, and it is chewing me up a little TBH. The other thing is that we are not getting any younger, she is 40, I'm 41.
She is taking the line of 'it shall happen for us darling', but I fear this is a front, and she has the same worries.

IIRC, after this try (should it not happen) we have two more Embryos, then there shall be no further NHS support, it shall be at our cost (save the debate around the morals of funding for another day please) We are not cash rich ATM, nor shall we be for a few more years at least (mid a significant house renovation)

If any of you dads, or expecting dads have been through similar, and have any words of advice or the like I would welcome them, as this one is upsetting me some what.

How long have you been trying for? I guess because it is IVF you are having 12 months +?
Sorry to hear.
We took 12 months to conceive but the first 9 months I’d say I was stressed and we also had a loss during that time too which hit us hard.
I guess youve had sperm mobility and motility checks? I took Wellmans Vitabiotics for 3 months, used conceive plus and we were on holiday when we conceived eventually.

Under IVF since mid Jan. She became pregnant on the first go, and she loved being pregnant, all she wants is to be a mum, that breaks my heart. We'd been trying for two years, but it came to our attention that one of her Fallopian Tubes essentially isn't wanted (ironically caused by a termination, at 14 y/o)

My sperm has been checked, and is completely OK.

I'll pass on the drugs info, many thanks.

[Fermit and Sarah]

Super Slo Mo said:

Fermit and Sarah said:

An update from me, as needing to vent somewhere. Please don't let the mood of my tone detract from the joy of any of you expecting fathers.

We are about to resume on yet another attempt of IVF. Some of you may recall, back in March, that Sarah lost her baby (pregnancy)
which was mortifying. We have had two further attempts without success, so this time shall be the forth. I am worrying that it may not happen, and it is chewing me up a little TBH. The other thing is that we are not getting any younger, she is 40, I'm 41.
She is taking the line of 'it shall happen for us darling', but I fear this is a front, and she has the same worries.

IIRC, after this try (should it not happen) we have two more Embryos, then there shall be no further NHS support, it shall be at our cost (save the debate around the morals of funding for another day please) We are not cash rich ATM, nor shall we be for a few more years at least (mid a significant house renovation)

If any of you dads, or expecting dads have been through similar, and have any words of advice or the like I would welcome them, as this one is upsetting me some what.

Yes, been there done that. :\

It’s hard, bloody hard. Not so much for me but seeing my wife crumple after finding am expelled embryo on a pad was pretty unpleasant, and there was very little comfort I could offer.

We were not eligible for NHS funding at all, as our local health authority had a cut off of 35 years old (not 38 as per NICE). At 34 and a half they decided she was too old. Heartless bds. Especially when the neighbouring authority used the 38 year rule [i] and in the same hospital [\i].
Anyway, we tried private IVF over the course of 3 or more years, 1st one failed, we stopped drinking, ate heathilty, took vitamins, exercised moderately, you know, the lot.
2nd one failed, they decided that as my wife had had endometriosis as some point (unbeknown to either of us) that her Fallopian tubes should come out. The clinical director wrote to our doctor recommending the surgery as a matter of urgency. We were told no. .

So we paid for the procedure privately, there’s another £8k gone.
3rd round failed.

We were sat down by the clinic and told gently that they recommend we try a donor egg.
After some thought we decided to go for it.
The wait for a suitable donor to come up took a while as they try and match your partner to a donor of similar features (sizzle, height, hair colour).

Eventually one came up, a 19 year old, blonde rather than brunette but by this time we didn’t care.

And I’m pleased to say that it worked first time. And he’s absolutely fab, and will be One year old on Wednesday.

We are a similar age to you too. The wife was 38 when she fell pregnant? I was 43.

We left it quite a while between each round of IVF. It’s hard bloody work and you, or she at least, needs time to recover.

Hang in there, it is worth it in the end.

As an aside, feel free to PM me if you want details that I’ve not shared on here.

Thank you for your kind words, and to those of not replied to individually, I have read your posts, and appreciate them all.

Can you elaborate on the sort of details you mean via PM, without giving anything you'd not wish to be posted?

[NuckyThompson]

Anyone had any experience with the extra tests you can have at 12 weeks? The ones for congenital illnesses, hereditary things and downs? The missus wants to have them because of her age but I’m a bit wary of the extra risks involved.