Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
NuckyThompson said:
Anyone had any experience with the extra tests you can have at 12 weeks? The ones for congenital illnesses, hereditary things and downs? The missus wants to have them because of her age but I’m a bit wary of the extra risks involved.
There are minimal risks to the standard tests they offer. The issue comes if the downs test (which is fairly inaccurate) flags a higher risk, because any follow on tests to look further into it do carry far larger risks. We decided to skip the downs test altogether because it wouldn’t have altered our course of action. Blown2CV said:
There are minimal risks to the standard tests they offer. The issue comes if the downs test (which is fairly inaccurate) flags a higher risk, because any follow on tests to look further into it do carry far larger risks. We decided to skip the downs test altogether because it wouldn’t have altered our course of action.
Thanks I think that’s what she is worried about and not sure she’s been given any info at all on how accurate the tests are and the inherent risks from her consiltation. From the little research I’ve done it seems like there’s more risk of something going wrong with the testing than there being an actual problem in the first place. Even if she is in her late 30’s Fermit and Sarah said:
Thank you for your kind words, and to those of not replied to individually, I have read your posts, and appreciate them all.
Can you elaborate on the sort of details you mean via PM, without giving anything you'd not wish to be posted?
It’s more a case of if you’ve any questions you wanted to keep out of the public domain. Or just to talk over stuff with someone who’s been through similar. I won’t be offended if you don’t though. Can you elaborate on the sort of details you mean via PM, without giving anything you'd not wish to be posted?
I haven’t gone into the full details, the bones of it are there, it’s hard to condense several years of all of this into a relatively short post.
I’ve suffered depression on and off since my teens too, this situation really did not help, but possibly not for the reasons you’d think.
I am glad to say that’s all behind me now.
Interestingly, I had my Sperm tested by the NHS, they gave it the all clear. The IVF clinic tested it, said it was about 25% as good as the average. To some extent I’m slightly cynical but there’s no way of knowing.
ETA: actually there is a ‘difficulty getting pregnant’ thread knocking around somewhere. I don’t think it’s been updated in a good while but there’s a lot of useful stuff in there. There are quite a few people on here who’ve been through similar.
Edited by Super Slo Mo on Monday 5th November 23:06
havoc said:
eneral statistic is 1 in 4 pregancies doesn't go to term, but that, as your MIL knows, doesn't cover the local statistical 'hot-spots'.
Good luck to you both, and please try and both properly understand that, as long as Mum-to-be is doing the obvious/sensible things (no smoking, minimal drinking, folic acid supplement), then if anything does go wrong IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
Thanks for your kind words, yes i've reassured her that is definitely wasn't her fault the first time and it just wasn't meant to be. - 1 and #4 were fine for us, now have a healthy baby sister to go with our 6y.o. son.
Good luck to you both, and please try and both properly understand that, as long as Mum-to-be is doing the obvious/sensible things (no smoking, minimal drinking, folic acid supplement), then if anything does go wrong IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
Jonnny said:
Maybe too much info.. But when did Dad's stop doing the hokey kokey with Mrs?
Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action
This is not a brag, but I definitely felt like I would be doing some damage in there somewhere if I went 'full bore', she was mad for it, but I was the voice of reason and it was REALLY off putting thinking about the little one in there, so from about 5 months we didn't really bother with full on hokey kokey. It's apparently safe to carry on as long as you're sensible about it, but just didn't feel right to me.Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action
You'd both be better off getting some extra sleep in while you still can instead, that would be my advice
richatnort said:
havoc said:
eneral statistic is 1 in 4 pregancies doesn't go to term, but that, as your MIL knows, doesn't cover the local statistical 'hot-spots'.
Good luck to you both, and please try and both properly understand that, as long as Mum-to-be is doing the obvious/sensible things (no smoking, minimal drinking, folic acid supplement), then if anything does go wrong IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
Thanks for your kind words, yes i've reassured her that is definitely wasn't her fault the first time and it just wasn't meant to be. - 1 and #4 were fine for us, now have a healthy baby sister to go with our 6y.o. son.
Good luck to you both, and please try and both properly understand that, as long as Mum-to-be is doing the obvious/sensible things (no smoking, minimal drinking, folic acid supplement), then if anything does go wrong IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
It wasn't easy for me or her, though it's worth noting I got zero "official" support, so post on here as much as you like. We were given a rose to plant in his/her memory by our family, which either by very, very thoughtful design, or wonderful coincidence, bloomed around the birthday.
The hospital on the other hand were total s
ts and despite being asked to tell us when the surgically removed remains were transported to the local crem, totally forgot, so no chance to do a goodbye for us.Lazadude said:
"AHHH a Small worm!"
"Phew! it's gone"
"AHHH a Small worm!"
"Phew! it's gone" etc for a couple seconds.....at best
EFA."Phew! it's gone"
"AHHH a Small worm!"
"Phew! it's gone" etc for a couple seconds.....at best
Doesn't feel right making jokes on this thread, but laughter is the best medicine sometimes. Thoughts are with everyone who has been through testing times, don't give up.
A very old one,
Triplets are talking in the womb.
First says he is going to be an electrician, get some lights in here.
Second is going to be a plumber, get some fresh fluid in here.
Third is going to be a boxer, going to get out there and beat up that thing that keeps coming in here and boxing us all!
Triplets are talking in the womb.
First says he is going to be an electrician, get some lights in here.
Second is going to be a plumber, get some fresh fluid in here.
Third is going to be a boxer, going to get out there and beat up that thing that keeps coming in here and boxing us all!
Gary29 said:
Jonnny said:
Maybe too much info.. But when did Dad's stop doing the hokey kokey with Mrs?
Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action
This is not a brag, but I definitely felt like I would be doing some damage in there somewhere if I went 'full bore', she was mad for it, but I was the voice of reason and it was REALLY off putting thinking about the little one in there, so from about 5 months we didn't really bother with full on hokey kokey. It's apparently safe to carry on as long as you're sensible about it, but just didn't feel right to me.Mine is 36 weeks or so and still wants to tango, but it's pretty hard work now with a large bump in the way, and I find it a little strange he's that close to the action
You'd both be better off getting some extra sleep in while you still can instead, that would be my advice
Gary29 said:
EFA.
Doesn't feel right making jokes on this thread, but laughter is the best medicine sometimes. Thoughts are with everyone who has been through testing times, don't give up.
Doesn't feel right making jokes on this thread, but laughter is the best medicine sometimes. Thoughts are with everyone who has been through testing times, don't give up.
Yeah, they really are little miracles (that completely destroy your current life) but wouldn't change a thing. You'll get there (as much as a random internet forum can give support), not the first people going through it and won't be the last..
Smitters said:
We miscarried over Christmas 16-17, which was not a joyful occasion. However, as is pointed out, a high percentage of pregnancies miscarry. I took solace in the fact that if the pregnancy miscarried, it was likely due to an issue with the foetus - the body is a very clever thing and if every baby came to term, there would be a huge number of very sick babies.
It wasn't easy for me or her, though it's worth noting I got zero "official" support, so post on here as much as you like. We were given a rose to plant in his/her memory by our family, which either by very, very thoughtful design, or wonderful coincidence, bloomed around the birthday.
The hospital on the other hand were total sts and despite being asked to tell us when the surgically removed remains were transported to the local crem, totally forgot, so no chance to do a goodbye for us.
Yes i took solace like you regarding if it did survive it was probably for a good reason. Thanks for your support it is a real worry and I think us men like to hide and look after the woman than ourselves and that's certainly what i did anyway. The flower is a lovely idea actually, we had a mixed experience with the hospital, the scan bit was the worse bit for us as the midwife was just not sympathetic and quite abrupt where as the after care were great. We chose to have the foetus cremated like you but were able to collect it in a little wooden box and get it to a funeral directors who didn't charge for the service and were able to collect the ashes and spread them in a place we visited while my wife was pregnant so got closure that way. I know some people think it's a bit odd and i did at the start if i'm honest but it did help us both move on as best we could. It wasn't easy for me or her, though it's worth noting I got zero "official" support, so post on here as much as you like. We were given a rose to plant in his/her memory by our family, which either by very, very thoughtful design, or wonderful coincidence, bloomed around the birthday.
The hospital on the other hand were total s
ts and despite being asked to tell us when the surgically removed remains were transported to the local crem, totally forgot, so no chance to do a goodbye for us.Lazadude said:
Yeah, they really are little miracles (that completely destroy your current life) but wouldn't change a thing.
Destroy? Change, certainly. I'm a much more patient man at work having dealt with a young child and now a another toddler.Negotiation tactics are now supreme at work.
Vaud said:
Lazadude said:
Yeah, they really are little miracles (that completely destroy your current life) but wouldn't change a thing.
Destroy? Change, certainly. I'm a much more patient man at work having dealt with a young child and now a another toddler.Negotiation tactics are now supreme at work.
Blown2CV said:
NuckyThompson said:
Anyone had any experience with the extra tests you can have at 12 weeks? The ones for congenital illnesses, hereditary things and downs? The missus wants to have them because of her age but I’m a bit wary of the extra risks involved.
There are minimal risks to the standard tests they offer. The issue comes if the downs test (which is fairly inaccurate) flags a higher risk, because any follow on tests to look further into it do carry far larger risks. We decided to skip the downs test altogether because it wouldn’t have altered our course of action. Not cheap, but completely non-invasive as it looks for foetal DNA that's crossed the placenta into the mother's bloodstream. Also means you can find out the gender really early IF you want to...
2CV is referring to the old (& cheaper) method, whereby the follow-on test required drawing a sample of amniotic fluid, with the (low-but-non-zero) risk of (always damaging) contact with the developing foetus.
richatnort said:
Yes i took solace like you regarding if it did survive it was probably for a good reason. Thanks for your support it is a real worry and I think us men like to hide and look after the woman than ourselves and that's certainly what i did anyway. The flower is a lovely idea actually, we had a mixed experience with the hospital, the scan bit was the worse bit for us as the midwife was just not sympathetic and quite abrupt where as the after care were great. We chose to have the foetus cremated like you but were able to collect it in a little wooden box and get it to a funeral directors who didn't charge for the service and were able to collect the ashes and spread them in a place we visited while my wife was pregnant so got closure that way. I know some people think it's a bit odd and i did at the start if i'm honest but it did help us both move on as best we could.
Everything you describe there was what we expected and hoped to do. Makes me angry every time I think about it. How can anyone let that slip through?Re the flower, be aware that if it ever dies, it could be A BAD THING. Double edged swords and all that.
I'm not going to say "luckily" but I have a mate I run with who's also miscarried and we talk about it now and then when out for a jaunt. Helps.
havoc said:
Blown2CV said:
NuckyThompson said:
Anyone had any experience with the extra tests you can have at 12 weeks? The ones for congenital illnesses, hereditary things and downs? The missus wants to have them because of her age but I’m a bit wary of the extra risks involved.
There are minimal risks to the standard tests they offer. The issue comes if the downs test (which is fairly inaccurate) flags a higher risk, because any follow on tests to look further into it do carry far larger risks. We decided to skip the downs test altogether because it wouldn’t have altered our course of action. Not cheap, but completely non-invasive as it looks for foetal DNA that's crossed the placenta into the mother's bloodstream. Also means you can find out the gender really early IF you want to...
2CV is referring to the old (& cheaper) method, whereby the follow-on test required drawing a sample of amniotic fluid, with the (low-but-non-zero) risk of (always damaging) contact with the developing foetus.
havoc said:
Blown2CV said:
NuckyThompson said:
Anyone had any experience with the extra tests you can have at 12 weeks? The ones for congenital illnesses, hereditary things and downs? The missus wants to have them because of her age but I’m a bit wary of the extra risks involved.
There are minimal risks to the standard tests they offer. The issue comes if the downs test (which is fairly inaccurate) flags a higher risk, because any follow on tests to look further into it do carry far larger risks. We decided to skip the downs test altogether because it wouldn’t have altered our course of action. Not cheap, but completely non-invasive as it looks for foetal DNA that's crossed the placenta into the mother's bloodstream. Also means you can find out the gender really early IF you want to...
2CV is referring to the old (& cheaper) method, whereby the follow-on test required drawing a sample of amniotic fluid, with the (low-but-non-zero) risk of (always damaging) contact with the developing foetus.
havoc said:
Nucky - google Harmony test.
Not cheap, but completely non-invasive as it looks for foetal DNA that's crossed the placenta into the mother's bloodstream. Also means you can find out the gender really early IF you want to...
2CV is referring to the old (& cheaper) method, whereby the follow-on test required drawing a sample of amniotic fluid, with the (low-but-non-zero) risk of (always damaging) contact with the developing foetus.
Thank you that is incredibly reassuring and we had a chat about it tonight. Scan is in 2 weeks so unless we come back as high risk we won’t be looking at any extra tests but thankfully we’re also in the position that the harmony test isn’t out of our reach financially so the option is there regardless. Not cheap, but completely non-invasive as it looks for foetal DNA that's crossed the placenta into the mother's bloodstream. Also means you can find out the gender really early IF you want to...
2CV is referring to the old (& cheaper) method, whereby the follow-on test required drawing a sample of amniotic fluid, with the (low-but-non-zero) risk of (always damaging) contact with the developing foetus.
Got to be honest though I’m getting a little attached to the little one already (more so than the missus at present) perhaps because we decided names very early on and particularly a girl as when it was suggested and we both liked it I had a couple of Very literal signs within 24hrs (and it’s definitely not a common name) so more attached than I should be haha.
Gf is doing so well though, and know she’s going to be a fantastic mum, funny how much my life has been put into perspective the last 2 months
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