Any other expectant Dads?

[Lazadude]

Also, Human due date is anywhere from week 38 to 42, but saying it could be anywhere in here was probably deemed as too wide a timeframe.

They just say average is in the middle so that's the date. Really anything before 38 is prem, anything after that is full term.

[lyonspride]

Lazadude said:

Also, Human due date is anywhere from week 38 to 42, but saying it could be anywhere in here was probably deemed as too wide a timeframe.

They just say average is in the middle so that's the date. Really anything before 38 is prem, anything after that is full term.

What makes me laugh as a new father, is the paternity pay system, you have to specify an exact expected date and book that time off work, which seems great until sprog turns up 3 week early and it all goes to sh*t. Thankfully my direct boss isn't a complete c-nut and saw it coming, as his own daughter was born 2 weeks early.......... Still didn't stop the admin people trying to get all uppity about it, like i'd caused a major disaster, but then I honestly didn't know that only people who work in an office are allowed to have children.

[Blown2CV]

Lazadude said:

Also, Human due date is anywhere from week 38 to 42, but saying it could be anywhere in here was probably deemed as too wide a timeframe.

They just say average is in the middle so that's the date. Really anything before 38 is prem, anything after that is full term.

37 weeks in UK

[tomble22]

Vent warning....I feel like the only time i post on this thread is when something ste is happening.....apologies for that!!

So Mrs Tomble's anxiety etc made a turn for the worse last week after a pretty good week before that. I had to stay home from work on Wednesday as she was just constantly upset. Had the health visitor round and she booked her in with the GP who prescribed some medication. My mother in law was up on Thursday but Thursday night Mrs T just cried constanly for about 3 hours. In the end she went home with her Mum and i stayed at home with Ruby.

I then spoke to the Health Visitor on Friday who recommended that it would be sensible for her Mum to look after her during the day (weekdays) and then me look after her evening/overnight and Mrs T to stay at her Mum's overnight for the next few days.

We had quite a good day Saturday, I picked Mrs T up from her mum's in the morning and then we had the afternoon together but it was horrible having to drop her off after and me go back with Ruby by myself. Was tough seeing my wife so upset on Thursday/Friday and then being by myself all night. Luckily my best mate came round with a beer on Friday night and then my brother in law came round for a couple of hours on Saturday night.

Anyway, yesterday she seemed a bit better than Saturday, which was a bit better than Friday etc. She actually stayed at home last night and although she hasn't got back to feeding her yet, she did make the night feed bottle up and change her nappy, which is a step in the right direction. Essentially the key issue from her point of view is that she can't cope with her crying. The ironic thing is (from my point of view) that she doesn't really cry that much, most of the time it's a bit of a blast because she's hungry!!

Today she has driven her car for the first time since giving birth and again, seemed a bit more positive than yesterday which i'm hoping is a good sign.

I'm trying to be as positive as possible around her and saving any upset etc for when she's not around to try and take the pressure off her. If it is postnatal depression (pretty sure it is) it's an absolute b@stard, but i keep telling her and myself that it is temporary and it will pass eventually.

Sorry for the negativity, despite the trials etc, baby Ruby is absolutely beautiful and i adore her. I know my wife does too, but that depression cloud is a b@stard at the moment. If anyone else has a partner who is/has been through PND, i'd appreciate any guidance on anything which helped.

On a lighter note, Ruby did a poo yesterday that stank the whole front room out, and that was before i'd even taken her babygrow etc off!! She's also feeding well (7lb 13ozs at birth, now 10lb 4 ozs as of today) and her sleep pattern is settling down too, she's done 3 nights out of the last 4 where she's slept 6 hours straight.

All the best to the other new and expectant dads, despite everything that has happened, i wouldn't change the overall outcome.

[Smitters]

tomble22 said:

PND

Just make sure she knows she's not alone in this, both in the sense that you're family and all support each other, and that lots and lots and lots of people get depressed, for lots of reasons. Seeking help and support is a massive thing as it acknowledges that it's not normal. Feeling like you can't cope when everyone else can is tremendously isolating and a very vicious circle.

The strain on you is real too - by all means be the pillar of the family, but as you've obviously realised, you need time out and mates to chat with too.

Good luck. Just do one day at a time and the weeks and months take care of themselves.

[Lazadude]

I've had a similar story with PND, and I'm just further along the road.

My only suggestions would be; don't just try and fix things, ask her if there's anything she would like/you can do.

Reinforce that its normal, don't try to label it but work as a team.

Focus on positives, everytime she starts to shut down (Everyone is unique but you'll know the signs of your OH hopefully) try and focus on a positive. for example - what a good job feeding she's doing (look at weight gain, chubby happy baby etc).

As for you, don't forget to look after yourself. You need a vent/support too but it sounds like you have that.

[Gary29]

Best wishes to you Tomble.

We've been very lucky, had a few nights where mum was crying uncontrollably for a few hours, and the worry and paranoia about absolutely everything is real, but luckily things feel like they are beginning to settle a little now, so I can only imagine what you're going through.

The MASSIVE positive in all of this is that Ruby sounds like she's doing amazing, so that's just testament to you both and all your support network, everything else will just take a bit of time for things to reset back to 'normality'

It's such a massive stress burden, the whole nine months prior, hormones all over the place, the huge change of focus in your life, it's a lot to take in and it happens all at once with a bang so it's no wonder it affects people in different ways.

I echo the thoughts above, it sounds like you're doing a great job supporting everyone, huge credit to you. There is always a place to vent on here if you need to get anything off your chest, I know I will be pestering for advice on a very regular basis when I feel completely out of my depth (often!)

Everything will be alright in the end I'm sure

[Carlton Banks]

Carlton Banks said:

Our babies due date is tomorrow.
Wife had been pretty active until 2 days ago, some discharge known as the ‘show’ and since then has been very lethargic and is having cramps which indicate the initial stages of labour.

So we are in limbo but relaxing and not jumping the gun.

The problem is, each person you speak to has a difference experience of early, on due date and late to 2 weeks post due date.

Anyway, nothing to worry about but part of me wants the baby to just get here now and the other part wants to relish the calm time before the storm.

Anyway, bags packed, car seat at the ready and a full tank of fuel for the hospital trip !

So, let me start by saying our baby boy was born two days after it’s due date on Monday, 6lbs 7oz and he is gorgeous ! Mum is also doing well however we are still in hospital. I am besotted with this little guy and love my wife more than I ever could after seeing her go through what was an ordeal!

Long and short of it was, we had a planned water birth however her waters broke 2 days before the due date.

We were asked to come in as her contractions were also regular enough. She was virtually zero cm dilated. Sent home. Came in 24 hours later after many warms baths and our house smelllng like a lavender field. After having more contractions that were seemingly 3 in ten minutes, she was only 3cm. Sent home again. I was disappointed in myself for caving and bringing her in but we were told unless she was dilated above 5cm, water birth was off the cards and induction would be needed on a labour ward. Wife was disappointed but she’s a practical soul so was ok with it given she had no choice!

We came in again a few hours later as advised and she was still 3cm so labour ward and planned induction a reality, which began an hour later - this was midday on Sunday by this point.

5 hours later, she was only 4cm dilated and my wife was only using gas and air and eventually gave in and took the epidural.

The administration of the spinal tap and epidural was horrible but the results worthwhile and soon she was the full 10cm at around 1am.

She went into full labour but baby just wasn’t advancing - didn’t help that the midwife was continually explaining to her it was like taking a big st about 50times.

Anyway, the obs doctors turned up and decided it was times for a suction cup or forceps - both deemed unsuitable due to babies head position - I nearly panicked when the doctor said ‘we are unable to get the baby out’.

Very soon before I had a chance to even compute and less so my wife who was now drugged up to the max, we were in operating theatre and I was wearing scrubs waiting for my wife to have an emergency c-section.

Baby came out fine but then several people rushed into the room around the baby and then simultaneously another beeper went off and several doctors charged in and tended to my wife who was shaking.

I am not ashamed to admit but the tears started for me at this point as I genuinely thought I was losing them both.

But then quick as a flash the baby was handed to me and mum had seemingly recovered.

Turns out that a combination of shock, early water break and a double labour in fact has caused possible signs of an infection.
Baby just had some initial breathing issues.

So why did we need the c section - basically there was an issue with the corded being draped around his neck and fluid causing as obstruction for a vaginal birth.

We are all still in the hospital but hopefully be out tomorrow.

There is a silver to all this - baby and mum are getting great care, lots of help breast feeding and I am not having to deal with thousands of visitors at home.

A massive thanks to the NHS and modern medicine.

Thanks for reading.

[Gary29]

Carlton Banks said:

Nice stuff

Congratulations! It's a bit of an ordeal isn't it?! Not much anyone can say to you beforehand to prepare you for the emotions you go through, and yeah, I now have zero doubt that men are the weaker sex

No shame in tears, I was a mess for a good few hours, this will continue when you see how happy all your family and friends are to meet him for the first time.

And once again echo the kind words for the NHS, the envy of the world.

[Harry Flashman]

Wow, what a saga: I am really happy that everyone is well, and many congratulations!

Our baby Scarlett is adorable at 3 months but not yet sleeping for more that about 4 hours and Lady Flash has been very tired for the entire time. She has finally caved as she wanted to breast feed all the time: i’ll Be doing evening feeds with a bottle so the wife can get some rest. The baby needs training g to take a bottle, but that is going OK most of the time.

Well done again Carlton - my first few weeks were tough but the folk on this thread were brilliant, so keep posting!

[Mr Trophy]

Away for our 20 week scan this afternoon, exciting times ahead - can't wait !

[Smitters]

Carlton Banks said:

C-sec things

Congratulations to you both. Sounds just like our #1. Only he was the obstruction, chunky 10 1/2 lbs of him...

We ended up having seven nights in hospital for infections in both Mum and baby - word of warning - it's sometimes like torture for the Mum - they just keep waking her up for tests, checks, checks on baby. It's often quite uncoordinated between the various teams, so keep an eye on it and get some sleep yourself to make sure you're as functional as possible when you do get home. Do not be afraid to voice your concerns to a midwife. You know your missus the best - if she's struggling, tell someone.

[Vaud]

Carlton Banks said:

aby came out fine but then several people rushed into the room around the baby and then simultaneously another beeper went off and several doctors charged in and tended to my wife who was shaking.

Fricking amazing the NHS. Our first was a cat 1 c-section where we were in danger of losing both. Seeing a team swing into action, they hit a stopwatch and are targeting (20?) mins max IIRC. Amazing team, were about 15 people in the theatre.

[ST_Nuts]

Anyone had problems with neighbours with crying babies during the night? The old bag next to us is going to have a shock in 8 months

[TwistingMyMelon]

ST_Nuts said:

Anyone had problems with neighbours with crying babies during the night? The old bag next to us is going to have a shock in 8 months

TBF not all babies cry loads, our latest one didnt and touch wood sleeps through a lot. Although the one before screamed a bit!

Id just do what you can to minimize the noise and stand firm and tell them to get a detached house if they dont like it, you can only do so much!

[Gary29]

ST_Nuts said:

Anyone had problems with neighbours with crying babies during the night? The old bag next to us is going to have a shock in 8 months

It has crossed my mind, but we try to limit it and take her in a different room that isn't a party wall. But it's not too bad, they are usually up half the night screaming at each other anyway, so fk them Most people will be understanding, you'd hope so anyway!

Maybe start playing loud music at 3am so she gets used to it before the little one arrives

[TCS1]

Just wait until s/he is few months older and everything becomes a drum. Everything is picked up and dropped. One of our properties is a flat, middle of three, had it completely gutted, wooden floors etc etc a few years before mine was born. Far more noise now then there ever was when she was a few months younger and it's only getting worse. Both below and above must be glad they go to work and as someone has already said - there's only so much you can do.

[chip*]

Wait till their molars pops out, then you will get loud crying toddlers during the day and night!

(Looking back, the first few months with our new baby was relatively 'quiet'. The daily tasks was pretty routine, feeding till she is full then she went to sleep with nappy change in between. Only time our baby cried was when she had wind which we treated with infacol and leg exercise.)

[juggsy]

Smitters said:

tomble22 said:

PND

Just make sure she knows she's not alone in this, both in the sense that you're family and all support each other, and that lots and lots and lots of people get depressed, for lots of reasons. Seeking help and support is a massive thing as it acknowledges that it's not normal. Feeling like you can't cope when everyone else can is tremendously isolating and a very vicious circle.

The strain on you is real too - by all means be the pillar of the family, but as you've obviously realised, you need time out and mates to chat with too.

Good luck. Just do one day at a time and the weeks and months take care of themselves.

Just to add to the above and all the other previous comments on PND, the fact it’s been recognised is an important step, as then you can try and manage accordingly rather than just assume your other half is just being irrational / pissy.

One of the important things we did was to identify the trigger, in your case you mention it seems to be crying. For us it was inability to feed, which if I’m honest I can see refurface from time to time even though ours is nearly 3 now.

What was hugely beneficial for my wife was to do some PND courses and get some techniques on how to manage when ‘triggered’ - the NHS provide these or you can do it privately, but most importantly it helps. She also took drugs at the beginning at its peak when really bad, but weaned off of them as soon as she could and used the techniques she learned from the courses to manage.

And the other thing, it’s incredibly common, but not always recognised, so good on you for trying to manage everything. But just remember it affects both parents, so make sure you’re supported with the people around you too and you’re not trying to be a hero and take all the burden.

[AB]

The Moose said:

Yep. That us too - middle of March.

I must be honest, I find the scans fascinating - we saw her heart valves doing their thing last week. I just don’t get the big deal about this thing moving about if my wife’s belly. Just doesn’t do much for me.

March club here too, although a little earlier as they're going to induce at 38 weeks.

I was the same with the scans, part of what I do is resell end of lease U/S machines out of the NHS so I found myself checking out the condition of the machine and checking the probes for damage