Has anyone used a private detective?
Discussion
Some interesting points above. In the absence of good communication and a lot of things "bottled up" there might be some other possibilities:
- Isolation issues. You say you work 80hrs a week - does she work (sorry if I missed it) - what is she doing in the daytime? Big empty house in the daytime. Ideal to come home to after a long day in the office, but can be horribly isolating as a young mother.
- She cares about you but doesn't love you any more (you are a friend and father)
- She has some really deep seated issues from her past which have triggered the last few years behaviour and are part of a wider mental health issue but something brought them back up
PeanutHead said:
A bit down said:
Hello all.
P.S. My wife has just texted me to ask if the four of us can go away for the weekend to a cottage she has booked! This will be interesting with all of us on top of each other for a few days. It seems we are leaving at 6pm so I may be on and offline for the next few days.
Well it can't be all bad.P.S. My wife has just texted me to ask if the four of us can go away for the weekend to a cottage she has booked! This will be interesting with all of us on top of each other for a few days. It seems we are leaving at 6pm so I may be on and offline for the next few days.
t and change the locks, sure. 
Yes, she is a Mother and housewife. I'm sure boredom is a big factor, although she has a local network of friends. I'd be happy to talk about this but we seem to really struggle to speak to each other about important things.
I have learned one or two things about her past that I didn't know before which may affect her behaviour. Nothing serious and nothing I want to go into here but it helps to build a picture.
I have learned one or two things about her past that I didn't know before which may affect her behaviour. Nothing serious and nothing I want to go into here but it helps to build a picture.
The Beaver King said:
This could be a good or bad thing OP. Don't go into this weekend with any preconceived notions, just act normally and see how she is.
Good luck
^^^^ This - open mind and all that. Good luck
Or, alternately, plan for the best, prepare for the worst as someone famous once said.
A bit down said:
Speaking of pants, she has recently bought a whole load of new underwear (under the auspices of having lost weight). For every suspicion, there is always a plausible explanation.
Though the Devil is in the detail. Sexy pants or brief type? For clarification, sexy pants include thongs, g-strings, lacy or crotchless.
Justayellowbadge said:
Sorry, last minute crisis with friend or work, but you and the kids go, we've paid for it now....
But I hope not.
Doubt it. But I hope not.
More likely they are about to have 'The Conversation'. Sounds too crafted, even down to the less than 6 hours notice.
ETA just read the above. SOunds horrible, but I think i would be tempted to have a mate swing by yours a couple of times over the next few days.
Edited by Rude-boy on Friday 17th August 14:22
No idea re the pants, I just know she went shopping for them and came back with several large bags full.
I hadn't even thought about the house while we're away. I can't imagine that really happens does it?
To Peanuthead - maybe, but I haven't really changed my behaviour over the last year. It's been like this for the last five years at least.
Ozone - we do talk, a lot. She says she's fed up with talking about it because she will only say the same things - "I'm unsettled", "I'm confused", "I need space", "I don't know what I want but I don't need you", etc. More than anything, this is what is troubling me the most. We seem to have gone from a tacit acceptance that things weren't great between us but we were doing a good job with the kids to the whole thing being so far gone that it's not even worth the effort of trying to salvage something. I can't help thinking there is a catalyst somewhere and all the stuff above may bear that out. If I had known things were getting anywhere near this bad in her mind I would have tried to broach the subject earlier.
Thanks again for all the replies.
I hadn't even thought about the house while we're away. I can't imagine that really happens does it?
To Peanuthead - maybe, but I haven't really changed my behaviour over the last year. It's been like this for the last five years at least.
Ozone - we do talk, a lot. She says she's fed up with talking about it because she will only say the same things - "I'm unsettled", "I'm confused", "I need space", "I don't know what I want but I don't need you", etc. More than anything, this is what is troubling me the most. We seem to have gone from a tacit acceptance that things weren't great between us but we were doing a good job with the kids to the whole thing being so far gone that it's not even worth the effort of trying to salvage something. I can't help thinking there is a catalyst somewhere and all the stuff above may bear that out. If I had known things were getting anywhere near this bad in her mind I would have tried to broach the subject earlier.
Thanks again for all the replies.
Don't do it, it's a trap, she's selling the house while you're away! 
It certainly doesn't happen with the house, and it would massively weaken her case in case of divorce if she pulled a stunt like that. A few of the pieces of advice on here seem a bit OTT to me.
Similarly watch out for advice on hiding cash - again, if you're caught, you'll get shafted. That said by all means think about spending some of your savings on stuff she wouldn't want. Like a new trackday car.
Similarly watch out for advice on hiding cash - again, if you're caught, you'll get shafted. That said by all means think about spending some of your savings on stuff she wouldn't want. Like a new trackday car.
A bit down said:
I hadn't even thought about the house while we're away. I can't imagine that really happens does it?
It's unlikely I agree, but it's certainly a possibilty, and one you should be aware of and deal with. Once she is in and you are out, with the locks changed, the law will be firmly on her side and you will be in a bedsit. If she fails to undertake the trip but tells you to go anyway, or she leaves while you are all there, then be afraid.Actus Reus said:
It certainly doesn't happen with the house, and it would massively weaken her case in case of divorce if she pulled a stunt like that. A few of the pieces of advice on here seem a bit OTT to me.
Similarly watch out for advice on hiding cash - again, if you're caught, you'll get shafted. That said by all means think about spending some of your savings on stuff she wouldn't want. Like a new trackday car.
Actus, if it comes to it I may ask you for some generic advice about courses of action if that's OK? I realise it's your profession so I'm not asking for freebies, just general advice on the forum about the dos and don'ts of separation.Similarly watch out for advice on hiding cash - again, if you're caught, you'll get shafted. That said by all means think about spending some of your savings on stuff she wouldn't want. Like a new trackday car.
I already have a couple of cars (one of them very much a "toy") - is it likely I would have to sell them?
Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll just see how the weekend goes (we are there until Monday night). I'm really looking forward to doing fun stuff with the kids
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