The PH thread of things you don't say to your missus.

[Famous Graham]

S6PNJ said:

Famous Graham said:

Papa Hotel said:

Famous Graham said:

You've been reading Cyanide and Happiness, haven't you

Not recently, but that's the next hour sorted while these pricks drive around behind the safety car.

Ah There was one where a girl accused the bloke of having a small cock. So he retorted that she just had a massive fanny. She cried. Then mopped her tears up with a tissue pack somehow retrieved from under her dress.

It would have been funnier if I could find the actual cartoon, mind.

This one?

That's the one

[ZOLLAR]

snowy slopes said:

ZOLLAR, i are on holiday, so keeping away from t'internet. I found saying to her 'Has your arse got bigger, or am imagining it??' was a bad move

Edited by snowy slopes on Sunday 12th June 22:41

Ok buddy hope you're having a relaxing time!.

[ROB_GTR]

Matt UK said:

At some point in time, or it may already have happened to you, your other half will initiate a light-hearted game called "if I died and you had to marry someone we both know, who would it be and why?"

It seems like a bit of light banter over a bottle of wine, ha, ha, ha.

Don't give an answer. Seriously. Change the subject, tip the red wine bottle over the new carpet, hit the nearest fire bell, distract her by causing yourself an horrific injury with the nearest sharp object, fein death.

Just do not answer that question. Ever.

You can't end it there!!! Elaborate........

[miss10penceshort]

I really don't want to see 10PS's reply to this thread!

Edited by miss10penceshort on Sunday 12th June 23:21

[bobr]

"your mum has quite a nice arse" and "if women end up looking like their mothers; you're an investment for the future" didn't go down amazingly well

Edited by bobr on Monday 13th June 07:59

[mybrainhurts]

I just boned the au pair...

[mybrainhurts]

She's hotter than you...

[NDA]

D'you reckon your mums up for it?

[Nagra]

Things not to say...... I have just got a raise at work, I now have £X more per month

[TNL]

You: i saw somebody that looked like you in town
Her: Was she fit?

[Digby]

It's not really a small organ, it's just being used in a Cathedral..

[anonymous-user]

You wanted kids! I gave you kids!

Now don't fking come in between me and my car!

Don't say this....

[karona]

Her: "I'm looking good for 50, no wrinkles, what do you think?"
Me: "That's because your skin's stretched tight"

Her: Long, long silence.

[al1991]

'Your mum just smacked my arse.'

It was true, but apparently the gf didn't want to know

[Bill]

robsco said:

Telling her that her mum is an attractive bit of kit doesn't go down well, I've found.

Telling her her mum's probably good in bed isn't good either.

[James Dean]

TNL said:

You: i saw somebody that looked like you in town
Her: Was she fit?

That's a tough one.

[Fer]

What's the joke about:

Her: I look fat, wrinkled and my hair is grey. Tell me something to cheer me up.

Him: Well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

[Matt_N]

TNL said:

You: i saw somebody that looked like you in town
Her: Was she fit?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

[TotalControl]

Fer said:

What's the joke about:

Her: I look fat, wrinkled and my hair is grey. Tell me something to cheer me up.

Him: Well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

[Papa Hotel]

Oh, when you've been on Sickipedia and just told your missus a load of Adele fat jokes, don't say "eh... yeah, I suppose so" when she says "some people have said I look a bit like her."