Partner's Ex won't pay Maintenance - Are We Powerless?
Discussion
Fastchas said:
the ex had to take him to court to get it and then he was only ordered to pay £50 pm in arrears. It's hit & miss whether she gets that.
Is he in contempt of court if he is ignoring a court order?I am not a lawyer, but surely if a court order has been made, he can't simply decide not to comply?
NDA said:
Fastchas said:
the ex had to take him to court to get it and then he was only ordered to pay £50 pm in arrears. It's hit & miss whether she gets that.
Is he in contempt of court if he is ignoring a court order?I am not a lawyer, but surely if a court order has been made, he can't simply decide not to comply?
He pays a couple of months then it drops off again.
Fastchas said:
Smitters said:
Do you need it or want it? If you need it, then chase. If you want it, but it means keeping a stronger tie with a bloke who's either got some issues, or is just a dick, I would probably learn to do without and consider it a cheap way to avoid the hassle. If he's disinterested enough to neglect his child, I'd be grateful to be rid, but I wouldn't get into (legit, e.g. HMRC) threats. You've got to live with his offspring, who could come home with an earful of half-truths and make home-life a misery. Speculative, but hey ho, this is Mums-heads.
Good luck, whatever.
We don't NEED it, but then he doesn't NEED to pay for luxury items before his kids. My ex doesn't NEED my contibutions either but I pay them regardless.Good luck, whatever.
I think an anon call to HMRC may be in the pipeline in the future anyway.
You got into the relationship knowing your partner has kids. You either accept they are part of your life and have no issues paying for them or have a chip on your shoulder about the dad for the rest of your life.
He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
Dan_M5 said:
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
Wouldn't you be? Maybe resentful is not the word, but in my case it certainly pisses me offMore so the fact that he is just not there for his son. He's played rugby since he was 6 years old - his Dad has turned up 3 times to watch him and then started giving him tips and telling him what he was doing wrong. Mum and I have been taking him training twice a week plus games all these years and know not to speak to him after they've lost - I have a constructive chat with him a few hours later to discuss thoughts on the game etc.
Unfortunately some men are a total and utter waste of time and space in these scanrios. others are vilified by proxy and treated with contempt by a court system that should help those that DO want access to their kids, only to be denied by spiteful women
In short, there is good and bad on both sides of the fence
I have a similar situation but the other way around. I’ve been divorced fo 10 years and separated a couple more. The divorce was the usual financial rape as I had a good income at the time.
I paid what I was due and more besides because that was the right thing to do. They where my kids and I wanted them to be looked after. Her plea was I had to pay more as she had given up her career to be my wife and a mother!? All was fine for a very short while until she and the new blokes had spent the money.
Now both children live with me full time and have for many years. It’s been fantastic and we have had so much time together. She has not bothered to see either of them despite only living 20 miles away. She has remarried and appears to have a lot more spare money than I will ever have.
Our daughter wanted to try and get her to engage. She made an effort despite only being 14 to see her mother. It didn’t go well as far as I can see. She went for a weekend and was told how they had no money and that I had better not ask for maintenance as I had no right. They even refused to buy her food...she is a coeliac.
I asked about maintenance years ago and in the end decided that tightening my belt was going to be easier than getting blood out of a stone.
Ultimately our son is nearly 20 now and his sister not so far behind. They are both doing well and seem well adjusted. Their mother doesn’t have a clue how much she has missed all because she wanted to make sure I paid.
It’s not just blokes who behave badly in these situations.....
I paid what I was due and more besides because that was the right thing to do. They where my kids and I wanted them to be looked after. Her plea was I had to pay more as she had given up her career to be my wife and a mother!? All was fine for a very short while until she and the new blokes had spent the money.
Now both children live with me full time and have for many years. It’s been fantastic and we have had so much time together. She has not bothered to see either of them despite only living 20 miles away. She has remarried and appears to have a lot more spare money than I will ever have.
Our daughter wanted to try and get her to engage. She made an effort despite only being 14 to see her mother. It didn’t go well as far as I can see. She went for a weekend and was told how they had no money and that I had better not ask for maintenance as I had no right. They even refused to buy her food...she is a coeliac.
I asked about maintenance years ago and in the end decided that tightening my belt was going to be easier than getting blood out of a stone.
Ultimately our son is nearly 20 now and his sister not so far behind. They are both doing well and seem well adjusted. Their mother doesn’t have a clue how much she has missed all because she wanted to make sure I paid.
It’s not just blokes who behave badly in these situations.....
Dan_M5 said:
You got into the relationship knowing your partner has kids. You either accept they are part of your life and have no issues paying for them or have a chip on your shoulder about the dad for the rest of your life.
He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
I'm more than happy to pay for my own kids. As soon as my wages hit my bank account the standing order pings the maintenance to my ex-wife. I'm not smug about it or anything, I just see it as my priorities. He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
I do resent him not even attempting to pay his £50pm from a court order, especially when he's working and paying for his hobbies/luxury items.
If only you had a friend or three who need a handyman - clear a garden, put up a fence, paint a house etc. - who could ask a local handyman to do a few hundred quids worth of work and at the end of the job show said handyman the cash and explain exactly where it's going....
You may even find said friends find other work that needs doing to extend the handyman's involvement over several weeks.
You may even find said friends find other work that needs doing to extend the handyman's involvement over several weeks.
To be honest, this is fixable (sorry to hijack the thread but this annoys me too). There are probably as many blended families as regular nuclear families – actually, probably more in our social circle.
I suggest we set up the following:
Option 1: Parents separate and agree custody/maintenance among themselves.
Option 2: Parents separate and are unable to agree. The starting point for custody should be 50:50 In this case no maintenance is received or paid.
Option 3: Parents separate and Option 2 is inappropriate. The parent with care (pwc) applies to the State for maintenance. The State pays the maintenance at a flat rate (say £100 p/w per child, £180 p/w for two, and so on) and then a debt accrues, split say 60/40 or 70/30 between the ‘absent’ parent and the pwc. This debt is then collected via an adjustment in tax codes, much like a student loan. Also, much like a student loan there would be an amount that could be earned before contributions would be required.
Along with this system, there would need to be a more rigorous utilisation of the powers which the State has around sanctions (passports, driving licences)
If we can use this system to send people to ‘university’ then surely it might be properly applied to ensure that kids aren’t disadvantaged by having feckless parents.
This system would work on a flat rate basis (in terms of what the pwc received) so even the offspring of low earners wouldn’t be disadvantaged. The State would unlikely recover everything owed, but I’d venture it would be fairer in the long run.
This would take some capital to set up, but you’d be able to reduce other benefits accordingly. It would move the responsibility on to the parents…rather than it just being a shared responsibility for all of us.
I suggest we set up the following:
Option 1: Parents separate and agree custody/maintenance among themselves.
Option 2: Parents separate and are unable to agree. The starting point for custody should be 50:50 In this case no maintenance is received or paid.
Option 3: Parents separate and Option 2 is inappropriate. The parent with care (pwc) applies to the State for maintenance. The State pays the maintenance at a flat rate (say £100 p/w per child, £180 p/w for two, and so on) and then a debt accrues, split say 60/40 or 70/30 between the ‘absent’ parent and the pwc. This debt is then collected via an adjustment in tax codes, much like a student loan. Also, much like a student loan there would be an amount that could be earned before contributions would be required.
Along with this system, there would need to be a more rigorous utilisation of the powers which the State has around sanctions (passports, driving licences)
If we can use this system to send people to ‘university’ then surely it might be properly applied to ensure that kids aren’t disadvantaged by having feckless parents.
This system would work on a flat rate basis (in terms of what the pwc received) so even the offspring of low earners wouldn’t be disadvantaged. The State would unlikely recover everything owed, but I’d venture it would be fairer in the long run.
This would take some capital to set up, but you’d be able to reduce other benefits accordingly. It would move the responsibility on to the parents…rather than it just being a shared responsibility for all of us.
PAULJ5555 said:
I was reading that in the USA in some states they can remove you drivers licence if you do not play ball paying for you kids.
Something needs to be done in the UK.
That's possible here, but I don't know if it's done much.Something needs to be done in the UK.
In the US you have to have a licence to work as a tradesman and that can be taken away.
Interesting thread and I have a lot of experience from the other side of this.
However, basically you only get maintenance if he is earning. You can be a multi millionaire and not have to pay a penny. If the guy shows zero income using tax records, for example, there's nothing much you can do.
The CSA (CMS now) are big and slow but not toothless. They can absolutely f
k him over if they want as they are effectively the law and beyond questioning. If they decide something you have no chance at all of over turning their decision and many NRPs have been totally screwed by them but no-one cares about them sadly.
Gather some info on his working life and present it to them. He'll have to prove his income and then you can appeal it in 'Micky Mouse CMS Court'. If he doesn't stack up well they'll screw him for money - which they are great at!
Of course there's all the access vs money argument and some parents just DGAF....
However, basically you only get maintenance if he is earning. You can be a multi millionaire and not have to pay a penny. If the guy shows zero income using tax records, for example, there's nothing much you can do.
The CSA (CMS now) are big and slow but not toothless. They can absolutely f
k him over if they want as they are effectively the law and beyond questioning. If they decide something you have no chance at all of over turning their decision and many NRPs have been totally screwed by them but no-one cares about them sadly.Gather some info on his working life and present it to them. He'll have to prove his income and then you can appeal it in 'Micky Mouse CMS Court'. If he doesn't stack up well they'll screw him for money - which they are great at!
Of course there's all the access vs money argument and some parents just DGAF....
If he's never really paid anything much for all those years then I don't see why it's now become an issue. Presumably, you knew this was the situation a long time ago ? How many more years before he wouldn't have to pay anyway ?
You sound very bitter and while that's understandable I tend to agree with others that suggest you just have to be the big man and accept that little is likely to change.
You sound very bitter and while that's understandable I tend to agree with others that suggest you just have to be the big man and accept that little is likely to change.
eldar said:
Sheepshanks said:
That's possible here, but I don't know if it's done much.
In the US you have to have a licence to work as a tradesman and that can be taken away.
Stopping them from working doesn’t seem the best way to encourage payment.In the US you have to have a licence to work as a tradesman and that can be taken away.
Saw him last night as he dropped off his daughter. He now has a '65 reg Ford Transit, he bought it last week I presume to enable him to carry on with his illicit business.
When his daughter came in, she mentioned he has just booked a cycling holiday/competition for 5 days in Majorca, week leading up to Christmas.
I think he really does have the ability to pay something, even if it's £100 a month.
When his daughter came in, she mentioned he has just booked a cycling holiday/competition for 5 days in Majorca, week leading up to Christmas.
I think he really does have the ability to pay something, even if it's £100 a month.
Similar situation going on here - he has just come back from a weeks all inclusive holiday with the kids, which is his third holiday this year.
Not claiming benefits, but similarly working cash in hand so no declarable income.
After his antics this weekend where the eldest ended up walking home from his house at midnight, I'm sick of his antics - he is borderline pie key with his attitude and sideline in dog breeding. I'd like to get a few big guys with anger issues to have a chat with him, but I think it's better to stick to the more legal routes.
Not claiming benefits, but similarly working cash in hand so no declarable income.
After his antics this weekend where the eldest ended up walking home from his house at midnight, I'm sick of his antics - he is borderline pie key with his attitude and sideline in dog breeding. I'd like to get a few big guys with anger issues to have a chat with him, but I think it's better to stick to the more legal routes.
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