You know you're an idiot when...
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Both hands full of shopping bags, I lay the bags from my left hand down on the step, transfer the bags from my right hand to my left so I can retrieve my door key from my right hand pocket. It wasn't until I had opened the door and transferred the bags back to my right hand I realised what I had done.
Years ago, first night on holiday to Zakynthos, decided to have a drink on the balcony. Girlfriend is sat on the balcony, I'm getting the drinks ready in the hotel room. Take them out onto the balcony, sliding the door shut behind me, to stop any mosquitos getting in. CLICK! Balcony door locked. Didn't mention it at first. Had our drinks and said to GF, I'll just have to go to reception to get some keys", "Why?" "Cos I locked us out earlier" "How are you going to get to reception if we're locked out?
Climbed over balcony rail and dropped down, to cries of horror from my GF. We were only on the first floor, thankfully. I did land in the only 'kin bush on the lawns below us though!
When I got to reception and asked for a key to get into our room and 'rescue' my GF from the balcony, the girl there asked me how I'd got down! She then accompanied me to the room with a pass key, let me in and turned away muttering something about "Crazy English!"
We did get some strange looks from the staff when we went down for breakfast the following morning!
Climbed over balcony rail and dropped down, to cries of horror from my GF. We were only on the first floor, thankfully. I did land in the only 'kin bush on the lawns below us though!
When I got to reception and asked for a key to get into our room and 'rescue' my GF from the balcony, the girl there asked me how I'd got down! She then accompanied me to the room with a pass key, let me in and turned away muttering something about "Crazy English!" We did get some strange looks from the staff when we went down for breakfast the following morning!
I used to have an early morning paper round as a teenager. Got up, dressed, went downstairs, had breakfast, put on coat and shoes. Just as I was going to the back door to get my bike out of the shed looked at the clock on the cooker. 2:30 am!
What is worse is that a year or so later I did the exact same thing again!
What is worse is that a year or so later I did the exact same thing again!
...at least once a week you drive up to the car park barrier at work and instead of swiping your ID card like everyone else you're frantically pressing the remote for the gates at home with a queue building up behind you, wondering why it isn't opening.
...you flush the toilet halfway through doing a wee to save time, typically still doing the wee once it's stopped.
...on a frosty day you needed to move your car back from the garage door to get it open, thought it didn't warrant defrosting the windows and mirrors, and forgot your wife's car was behind.
...you flush the toilet halfway through doing a wee to save time, typically still doing the wee once it's stopped.
...on a frosty day you needed to move your car back from the garage door to get it open, thought it didn't warrant defrosting the windows and mirrors, and forgot your wife's car was behind.
airsafari87 said:
When you spend 15 minutes trying to bump start a motorbike that won’t start because the battery is completely flat.
You then get someone from the office to help you push and bump it later on in the day, turn the key and try firing it one more time ‘Just in case’ even though you know for sure it won’t start.
And it fires up instantly.
There was a couple of key words in that 2nd part that didn’t feature in the 1st 15 minute bump start stint … ‘Turn the Key’
Back when I was 17 and working at Morrisons I'd turn the fuel tap off on my CG125 as an extra security measure. You then get someone from the office to help you push and bump it later on in the day, turn the key and try firing it one more time ‘Just in case’ even though you know for sure it won’t start.
And it fires up instantly.
There was a couple of key words in that 2nd part that didn’t feature in the 1st 15 minute bump start stint … ‘Turn the Key’
One night, pulled out of the car park and it cut out at the lights.
Spent way too long trying to get it started until I remembered to turn the fuel back on.
Didn't bother after that.
Edited by ChocolateFrog on Monday 3rd July 07:06
GiantCardboardPlato said:
You’re running an international sporting event and you start handing out penalties for something all the competitors are doing, but don’t have the ability to keep up with how fast they’re doing it, and then the event ends and you have add on all/some of the penalties afterwards. It takes you hours to work out who finished where.
Can't believe that one.I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
bongtom said:
I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
How did you not notice a HGV pull onto the forecourt, connect up to the storage tanks and empty itself?hidetheelephants said:
bongtom said:
I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
How did you not notice a HGV pull onto the forecourt, connect up to the storage tanks and empty itself?Tycho said:
hidetheelephants said:
bongtom said:
I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
How did you not notice a HGV pull onto the forecourt, connect up to the storage tanks and empty itself?Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
bongtom said:
Tycho said:
hidetheelephants said:
bongtom said:
I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
How did you not notice a HGV pull onto the forecourt, connect up to the storage tanks and empty itself?Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
Everyday is a school day.bongtom said:
>Sigh< My username is not a drug reference. Bong means older person in Cambodian and tom (thom) means big, it's a derogatory word for a wannabe ganster.
Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
I think the >sigh< is a bit much. Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
You're posting in English on a British website with a username that makes complete sense as a drug reference in English.
If it looks like a horse and sounds like a horse it's unlikely to be a Cambodian zebra.
SpeckledJim said:
bongtom said:
>Sigh< My username is not a drug reference. Bong means older person in Cambodian and tom (thom) means big, it's a derogatory word for a wannabe ganster.
Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
I think the >sigh< is a bit much. Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
You're posting in English on a British website with a username that makes complete sense as a drug reference in English.
If it looks like a horse and sounds like a horse it's unlikely to be a Cambodian zebra.
Thanks for your off topic input.
bongtom said:
SpeckledJim said:
bongtom said:
>Sigh< My username is not a drug reference. Bong means older person in Cambodian and tom (thom) means big, it's a derogatory word for a wannabe ganster.
Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
I think the >sigh< is a bit much. Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
You're posting in English on a British website with a username that makes complete sense as a drug reference in English.
If it looks like a horse and sounds like a horse it's unlikely to be a Cambodian zebra.
Thanks for your off topic input.
bongtom said:
SpeckledJim said:
bongtom said:
>Sigh< My username is not a drug reference. Bong means older person in Cambodian and tom (thom) means big, it's a derogatory word for a wannabe ganster.
Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
I think the >sigh< is a bit much. Anyhoo. We got a lot of trucks pulling up in that area so I never noticed another, even if it was unloading!
My manager was dealing with it. (oddly I popped into that same garage about 25 years later at the same manager was there although he owned the franchise!
You're posting in English on a British website with a username that makes complete sense as a drug reference in English.
If it looks like a horse and sounds like a horse it's unlikely to be a Cambodian zebra.
Thanks for your off topic input.
Right.
hidetheelephants said:
bongtom said:
I worked night shift at a BP petrol station in my youth. About 2am a guy walks in mooches around the shop (it was one of the first big BP store types) and comes up to the counter with a sandwich and coke.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
"Any petrol?" I ask
"Eh?" he says
"Petrol, P-E-T-R-O-L" (it was a long night)
"Yeah, about 30,000 liters mate"
Turns out he was the tanker driver who had just done a delivery, but I never looked up to see the paperwork in his hand.
I felt like a bell.
How did you not notice a HGV pull onto the forecourt, connect up to the storage tanks and empty itself?Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff