Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
schmunk said:
Tony 1234 said:
Vipers said:
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
At that point I realised that I had misunderstood the situation, made my excuses and said goodbye.
I never heard the shot.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
At that point I realised that I had misunderstood the situation, made my excuses and said goodbye.
I never heard the shot.
Vipers at his best 
Here's a Vipers stylee one!
A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's arse. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"
"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"
A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's arse. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"
"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"
Dad, thanks for bringing me to your work to see what you do. But surely you get bored being a sewer engineer?
Not at all son. It’s very interesting in fact. See that turd floating past us? That’s old Eric’s from the butchers, you can tell by the sawdust in it.
Wow
Yes and that long one is Frank’s the barbers, you can see all the hair shavings in it.
And that big one coming around the corner is your mother’s.
How can you tell dad?
Well it’s got my sandwiches tied to it.
Not at all son. It’s very interesting in fact. See that turd floating past us? That’s old Eric’s from the butchers, you can tell by the sawdust in it.
Wow
Yes and that long one is Frank’s the barbers, you can see all the hair shavings in it.
And that big one coming around the corner is your mother’s.
How can you tell dad?
Well it’s got my sandwiches tied to it.
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