Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

[Evangelion]

Too close to home to be funny, that's exactly the sort of thing my last MD would do. The sort of person who used to email me, even though we were only sat 5 feet apart..

[Kenty]

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.

Little Johnny stood up...

"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."

[Monkeylegend]

Kenty said:

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.

Little Johnny stood up...

"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."

My father actually did paint his kitchen ceiling with gloss paint using a 2" paint brush and I can confirm it took him a long time, the silly old punt.

[Trophy Husband]

I've just been out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.
So far it's been sixteen owls and fourteen Jay's.

[Doofus]

Trophy Husband said:

I've just been out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.
So far it's been sixteen owls and fourteen Jay's.

It made a lot more sense yesterday.

You can't just make up the numbers.

[Jonboy_t]

Doofus said:

Trophy Husband said:

I've just been out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.
So far it's been sixteen owls and fourteen Jay's.

It made a lot more sense yesterday.

You can't just make up the numbers.

[Trophy Husband]

Jonboy_t said:

Doofus said:

Trophy Husband said:

I've just been out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.
So far it's been sixteen owls and fourteen Jay's.

It made a lot more sense yesterday.

You can't just make up the numbers.

Feck. Hoisted on my on petard!
Epic fail.

[Muntu]

I called the doctor. "My wife is going into labour! What should I do?"

"Is this her first child?" he asked.

"No, this is her husband!"

[EarlOfHazard]

[Kenty]

[Laurel Green]

Never miss an opportunity|

[Porsche guy]

Kenty said:

Now that is good ..

[LordGrover]

[K12beano]

Porsche guy said:

Kenty said:

Now that is good ..

[shed driver]

Sean Connery messaged me on a rather niche adult Web site.

He was very disappointed when I fulfilled his request. How was I meant to know he wanted some of my wife's satin knickers.

SD.

[Doofus]

shed driver said:

Sean Connery messaged me on a rather niche adult Web site.

Is he the uncle of the woman who runs it?


Hahahahahahahahahaha!

[peter tdci]

All car dealerships have re-opened apart from BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would open but they gave no indication.

[CourtAgain]

peter tdci said:

All car dealerships have re-opened apart from BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would open but they gave no indication.

[jaja4421]

[K12beano]