Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
AppleJuice said:
An aeroplane was about to crash. Four passengers were on board, with only three parachutes. The first passenger, Diane Abbot, said, "There are four parachutes onboard this aeroplane - enough for all of us." So she took the first parachute and jumped out of the aircraft.
The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected President of the United States. I am the smartest President in American history, the smartest in American history, so I'm not going to die." He took the second parachute and stumbled out of the door.
The third passenger, the Holy See, said to the fourth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, "My child, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy replied, "Don't worry, Your Grace, there's a parachute left for you: America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
Ime surprised Abbot managed to find the door............The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected President of the United States. I am the smartest President in American history, the smartest in American history, so I'm not going to die." He took the second parachute and stumbled out of the door.
The third passenger, the Holy See, said to the fourth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, "My child, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy replied, "Don't worry, Your Grace, there's a parachute left for you: America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
An old one springs to mind.
A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
Vipers said:
An old one springs to mind.
A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
Autobiographical, Old Boy?A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
king end of it”Vipers said:
An old one springs to mind.
A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
He let me go on my way.
Missing something Shirley.A middle aged man, recently retired decides to splash out on a Ferrari.
He takes it out for a spin on the motorway, merrily cruising along at 90, suddenly he hears the sound of a police siren, looks in his mirror and sees a police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 120 leaving the police car behind.
Within minutes he hears the familiar sound of a police siren again, looks in the mirror and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He accelerates to 160 mph, leaving the police car behind, a few minutes later he hears the familiar sound of the police siren, looks in the morrow and sees the police car approaching with blues and twos on.
He thought “I am too old for this, so slows down and pulls over”.
The police car pulls up behind him, the police man approaches the driver and says “Sir, I have had a very long and tiring day, I am off duty in 30 minutes, if I book you it will take me about two hours to complete all the paper work, so if you can give me a good reason why you were speeding, I may think about letting you off”
The man says “I am very sorry, but 10 years ago my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”
He let me go on my way.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff