Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
A man gets in the bus, pays the somewhat effeminate bus driver and sits down.
Next to him is a nun. After a while he notices her beauty, and can't contain himself any longer.
'I really fancy you' he blurts out. 'Would you err like to go for a drink and err come back to my place?'
'No she says I can only be with God, only God can have me as his own'
'That's s disaster' says the man 'I've got aroused now you are so beautiful'
The nun gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the man gets off the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there'
He say 'yes she's beautiful but married to God so I can't get it on with her'
'Want to see her again?' Says the bus driver
'If you go to the church at 11pm she always comes out of the side entrance maybe you could persuade her'
So the man gets to the church wearing a white sheet, false beard and sandals. The nun comes out at 11pm as promised with her little Nunny head down in prayer as she walks.
He strides out of the bushes 'I am God and I appear before you I have come down from heaven to consummate our marriage'
She says in her little Nunny voice 'oooh, but it's the wrong time of the month'
He says 'ooh but I'm aroused now'
She says 'well I suppose I could take it up the rear rend'
.......
......
When he's finished the man says 'Nunny, I feel awful about this, I have a surprise for you I'm not God, I'm the man you met on the bus'
Nunny looks up and says......
...well I have a surprise for you too ducky I'm not the Nun I'm the bus driver
Next to him is a nun. After a while he notices her beauty, and can't contain himself any longer.
'I really fancy you' he blurts out. 'Would you err like to go for a drink and err come back to my place?'
'No she says I can only be with God, only God can have me as his own'
'That's s disaster' says the man 'I've got aroused now you are so beautiful'
The nun gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the man gets off the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there'
He say 'yes she's beautiful but married to God so I can't get it on with her'
'Want to see her again?' Says the bus driver
'If you go to the church at 11pm she always comes out of the side entrance maybe you could persuade her'
So the man gets to the church wearing a white sheet, false beard and sandals. The nun comes out at 11pm as promised with her little Nunny head down in prayer as she walks.
He strides out of the bushes 'I am God and I appear before you I have come down from heaven to consummate our marriage'
She says in her little Nunny voice 'oooh, but it's the wrong time of the month'
He says 'ooh but I'm aroused now'
She says 'well I suppose I could take it up the rear rend'
.......
......
When he's finished the man says 'Nunny, I feel awful about this, I have a surprise for you I'm not God, I'm the man you met on the bus'
Nunny looks up and says......
...well I have a surprise for you too ducky I'm not the Nun I'm the bus driver
V6Pushfit said:
A man gets in the bus, pays the somewhat effeminate bus driver and sits down.
Next to him is a nun. After a while he notices her beauty, and can't contain himself any longer.
'I really fancy you' he blurts out. 'Would you err like to go for a drink and err come back to my place?'
'No she says I can only be with God, only God can have me as his own'
'That's s disaster' says the man 'I've got aroused now you are so beautiful'
The nun gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the man gets off the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there'
He say 'yes she's beautiful but married to God so I can't get it on with her'
'Want to see her again?' Says the bus driver
'If you go to the church at 11pm she always comes out of the side entrance maybe you could persuade her'
So the man gets to the church wearing a white sheet, false beard and sandals. The nun comes out at 11pm as promised with her little Nunny head down in prayer as she walks.
He strides out of the bushes 'I am God and I appear before you I have come down from heaven to consummate our marriage'
She says in her little Nunny voice 'oooh, but it's the wrong time of the month'
He says 'ooh but I'm aroused now'
She says 'well I suppose I could take it up the rear rend'
.......
......
When he's finished the man says 'Nunny, I feel awful about this, I have a surprise for you I'm not God, I'm the man you met on the bus'
Nunny looks up and says......
...well I have a surprise for you too ducky I'm not the Nun I'm the bus driver
Unsure why you thought a Spoiler tag was required.Next to him is a nun. After a while he notices her beauty, and can't contain himself any longer.
'I really fancy you' he blurts out. 'Would you err like to go for a drink and err come back to my place?'
'No she says I can only be with God, only God can have me as his own'
'That's s disaster' says the man 'I've got aroused now you are so beautiful'
The nun gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the man gets off the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there'
He say 'yes she's beautiful but married to God so I can't get it on with her'
'Want to see her again?' Says the bus driver
'If you go to the church at 11pm she always comes out of the side entrance maybe you could persuade her'
So the man gets to the church wearing a white sheet, false beard and sandals. The nun comes out at 11pm as promised with her little Nunny head down in prayer as she walks.
He strides out of the bushes 'I am God and I appear before you I have come down from heaven to consummate our marriage'
She says in her little Nunny voice 'oooh, but it's the wrong time of the month'
He says 'ooh but I'm aroused now'
She says 'well I suppose I could take it up the rear rend'
.......
......
When he's finished the man says 'Nunny, I feel awful about this, I have a surprise for you I'm not God, I'm the man you met on the bus'
Nunny looks up and says......
...well I have a surprise for you too ducky I'm not the Nun I'm the bus driver
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
Evangelion said:
After all, we'd all guessed what the punch line was going to be as soon as we found out the driver was effeminate.
Well let's hear one from you then Evangelist baby! As far as I can see you haven't yet made put a single solitary joke on here yet, just commented like a sage on the efforts of others and bask in the glory of having 'been there'
Letsby Avenue
V6Pushfit said:
Evangelion said:
After all, we'd all guessed what the punch line was going to be as soon as we found out the driver was effeminate.
Well let's hear one from you then Evangelist baby! As far as I can see you haven't yet made put a single solitary joke on here yet, just commented like a sage on the efforts of others and bask in the glory of having 'been there'
Letsby Avenue
Evangelion said:
kowalski655 said:
Im afraid this one requires a few actions when being told
A man & woman met in a lift,he asks where she is going.She says "the blood bank,they pay £20 for each donation"."Oh",he says,"Im off to the sperm bank,they pay £100 for every donation there."
She walks out of the lift in a huff.
Next day they meet in the lift again."Where are you off to today" he asks.
(At this point you need to take a sip of milk you have on hand and dribble it as She says...)
"Sperm bank"
The version I heard was, several men queuing to get into a sperm bank, one notices a woman in the queue. He approaches her and says, "You do realise this is a sperm bank?" and she nods (you have to pretend your mouth is full when you do it).A man & woman met in a lift,he asks where she is going.She says "the blood bank,they pay £20 for each donation"."Oh",he says,"Im off to the sperm bank,they pay £100 for every donation there."
She walks out of the lift in a huff.
Next day they meet in the lift again."Where are you off to today" he asks.
(At this point you need to take a sip of milk you have on hand and dribble it as She says...)
"Sperm bank"
A rather louche friend started going out with a very nice girl. We all thought she was the wrong type for our mate as he normally banged complete tarts. We started trying to embarrass her. One chap said "you do realise that your boyfriend donates sperm to the spam bank, don't you"
She replied "of course. I spit it into the jar for him"
We decided trying to shock her probably wouldn't work.
I walked into my local pub.
As I went past the cigarette machine it called me a fat, ugly and scruffy idiot.
When I got to the bar, there were some peanuts in a bowl.
They said,
"Don't worry sir, we think you're great !!"
I asked the manager what was going on.
He replied,
"The fag machine's out of order but the peanuts are complementary."
As I went past the cigarette machine it called me a fat, ugly and scruffy idiot.
When I got to the bar, there were some peanuts in a bowl.
They said,
"Don't worry sir, we think you're great !!"
I asked the manager what was going on.
He replied,
"The fag machine's out of order but the peanuts are complementary."
V6Pushfit said:
Evangelion said:
After all, we'd all guessed what the punch line was going to be as soon as we found out the driver was effeminate.
Well let's hear one from you then Evangelist baby! As far as I can see you haven't yet made put a single solitary joke on here yet, just commented like a sage on the efforts of others and bask in the glory of having 'been there'
Letsby Avenue
ks, I've posted loads on here, and on the previous SCJ threads.I just prefer to wait until I find a good one, rather than post any old rubbish. PHers deserve the best.
Aha, the old ' been there done that already' routine.
Dear chap I feel I must disagree with you, I am led to believe that this thread is devoid of any of your humour and you have so far missed your opportunity to impress. Furthermore it seems unlikely that when you do it will be any more impressive than a fart in a thunderstorm.
Dear chap I feel I must disagree with you, I am led to believe that this thread is devoid of any of your humour and you have so far missed your opportunity to impress. Furthermore it seems unlikely that when you do it will be any more impressive than a fart in a thunderstorm.
V6Pushfit said:
Aha, the old ' been there done that already' routine.
Dear chap I feel I must disagree with you, I am led to believe that this thread is devoid of any of your humour and you have so far missed your opportunity to impress. Furthermore it seems unlikely that when you do it will be any more impressive than a fart in a thunderstorm.
Blimey, you're thin skinned...Dear chap I feel I must disagree with you, I am led to believe that this thread is devoid of any of your humour and you have so far missed your opportunity to impress. Furthermore it seems unlikely that when you do it will be any more impressive than a fart in a thunderstorm.
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