Misfits, Dad's Army Types et al...

[yellowjack]

My old boss bought an ex-SAS Range Rover from a military surplus auction site. He was a Land Rover obsessive, and quite fancied an armoured Range Rover.

Sadly for him, he'd not read the description properly. What he ended up with was a Range Rover chassis, engine, and gearbox, with some sundry bits of interior in boxes. He wasn't too grumpy in the end, because he got it cheap, and it was a V8. He used it to re-body with something he'd had stashed away in a lock-up for a while. His face was a picture though, when he turned up at work with this collection of parts on a trailer...

[Shakermaker]

techiedave said:

Please take time to read the comments in this article. Some must be from folk on here. Many are genuinely hilarious. I've spent a good few minutes chuckling. Read them they will cheer you up

My favourite is this analogy:

"As a weather man in America said:

"If you rarely drive on the snow, just pretend you're taking grandma to church.
There's a platter of biscuits and two gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the back seat.
She's wearing a new dress and holding a crock pot full of gravy."

[Brilad]

I'm declaring a full Code Turquoise.

For you civilians not in the know, this is where you have to commandeer your wife's 4x4 to go and do some non urgent admin in the office.

Full stealth mode - no livery - as these are highly classified insurance reports and deeply sensitive.

[citizensm1th]

Brilad said:

I'm declaring a full Code Turquoise.

For you civilians not in the know, this is where you have to commandeer your wife's 4x4 to go and do some non urgent admin in the office.

Full stealth mode - no livery - as these are highly classified insurance reports and deeply sensitive.

so she got fed up with you hanging around at home then?

[jdw100]

Brilad said:

I'm declaring a full Code Turquoise.

For you civilians not in the know, this is where you have to commandeer your wife's 4x4 to go and do some non urgent admin in the office.

Full stealth mode - no livery - as these are highly classified insurance reports and deeply sensitive.

Been sleeping with one eye open watching my phone for this call!

I'm ready to DEPLOY to this MAJOR EVENT.

Fully time served 4X4 driver.

Have my own Leatherman in a hand-tooled belt holster and a selection of HIGH-VIS jackets (in XXL)

Thermos of weak lemon drink and a selection of Ginsters in the cab.

Ready to DEPLOY....just need to say goodbye to my mum first.

[E24man]

jdw100 said:

... a selection of Ginsters in the cab.

Winning!

[Scabutz]

jdw100 said:

Brilad said:

I'm declaring a full Code Turquoise.

For you civilians not in the know, this is where you have to commandeer your wife's 4x4 to go and do some non urgent admin in the office.

Full stealth mode - no livery - as these are highly classified insurance reports and deeply sensitive.

Been sleeping with one eye open watching my phone for this call!

I'm ready to DEPLOY to this MAJOR EVENT.

Fully time served 4X4 driver.

Have my own Leatherman in a hand-tooled belt holster and a selection of HIGH-VIS jackets (in XXL)

Thermos of weak lemon drink and a selection of Ginsters in the cab.

Ready to DEPLOY....just need to say goodbye to my mum first.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot over. Frosty out there, all birds code phrase "Cold Unit Needed Timely" activated. All units deploy to your local Lidl and transfer precious package Alpha to nursing home Bravo stat.

[48k]

My truck is fully fueled and I've wedged an extra packet of Werther's originals in to the glovebox next to the remote winch controller. Standing by to stand by for the 72-hour stand by. I've told work I may have to deploy an second and they've been very supportive. Ears on.

[S11Steve]

Cyclops time - one eye open at all times!

[jdw100]

48k said:

My truck is fully fueled and I've wedged an extra packet of Werther's originals in to the glovebox next to the remote winch controller. Standing by to stand by for the 72-hour stand by. I've told work I may have to deploy an second and they've been very supportive. Ears on.

That’s a strong roger.

Nice to hear that the civilians you work with understand you may need to DEPLOY at any second.

Good that the average man in the street realises that we are like coiled springs ready to leap in to action. I’m going to go onto 83 hours of standby over the next 3 days, that’s how much adrenaline is coursing through my veins.

I spoke to a nurse once, it was in 2003, remember it like yesterday. I think she liked my black leather Stetson, mum says I look handsome in it.

Out.

[jdw100]

S11Steve said:

Cyclops time - one eye open at all times!

Lest we ever forget...

Next time I give up my Boxing day to answer a callout to ferry district nurses through floodwater to their housebound patients, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I spend all day standing in the pouring rain, copping vile abuse from entitled members of the public who think they can ignore an approved road closure put in place for the safety of a St George's Day parade, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I'm running late for work, but stop to tow a broken down car off a dangerous busy road to a nearby carpark, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I spend a snowy Christmas sober, sleeping with one eye on my phone, I'll remember your kind words.

The next time a handful of people work tirelessly to extract thousands of cars from a rain-soaked festival, I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to hear your kind words.

But hey, what would I know? I'm only a member of a highly professional organisation, trained by time served off road instructors, that the normal emergency services often turn to for volunteer manpower, or logistical help in extreme circumstances.


Back on page 1 - never forget. Next time.........brings a tear to my eye even now...

[Scabutz]

jdw100 said:

Lest we ever forget...

Next time I give up my Boxing day to answer a callout to ferry district nurses through floodwater to their housebound patients, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I spend all day standing in the pouring rain, copping vile abuse from entitled members of the public who think they can ignore an approved road closure put in place for the safety of a St George's Day parade, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I'm running late for work, but stop to tow a broken down car off a dangerous busy road to a nearby carpark, I'll remember your kind words.

Next time I spend a snowy Christmas sober, sleeping with one eye on my phone, I'll remember your kind words.

The next time a handful of people work tirelessly to extract thousands of cars from a rain-soaked festival, I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to hear your kind words.

But hey, what would I know? I'm only a member of a highly professional organisation, trained by time served off road instructors, that the normal emergency services often turn to for volunteer manpower, or logistical help in extreme circumstances.


Back on page 1 - never forget. Next time.........brings a tear to my eye even now...

Should be inscribed on a tablet as a memorial to the brave 4x4 responders who paid the ultimate sacrifice. Perhaps it can go next to the SAS one in Hereford cathedral.

"Always a little Waltier."

[anonymous-user]

Scabutz said:

code phrase "Cold Unit Needed Timely" activated.

[Red 4]

jdw100 said:

But hey, what would I know? I'm only a member of a highly professional organisation, trained by time served off road instructors

What is a time served off road instructor ?

Is there an apprenticeship scheme ?

Start at the bottom (take st) work your way up a bit (take less st) until one day you find yourself in the glorified atmosphere where you've forgotten what st even looks like ?

Is there a Walt rank structure ? 3 bath stars emblazoned on the back of a hi-viz vest for the elite ?
That kind of stuff ... ?

[Shakermaker]

Red 4 said:

What is a time served off road instructor ?

Is there an apprenticeship scheme ?

Start at the bottom (take st) work your way up a bit (take less st) until one day you find yourself in the glorified atmosphere where you've forgotten what st even looks like ?

Is there a Walt rank structure ? 3 bath stars emblazoned on the back of a hi-viz vest for the elite ?
That kind of stuff ... ?

I think we covered this a couple of summers ago during the off season, and to summarise:

Level 1: Weak Lemon Drink Level. You've bought a Land Rover, but you've not kitted it out yet. You may stand in the field, in summer, at An Event and point people to car park spaces BUT you must do so actively and with all your vigour, and to progress you must point out in your most condescending voice whenever anyone makes a transgression against the rules.
Level 2: Hi-Vis Level 1: You've got a yellow tabard to put on over your coat. May now have some discreet markings on Land Rover
Level 3: Hi-Vis Level 2: Tabard has been replaced with a full set of hi-vis waterproof trousers, coat and hat. All-weather boots, thick gloves and a terrible, terrible hat may now be worn. Also at Summer Events you can order Level 1 and 2 students (as well as the usual array of volunteer Boy Scouts and Girl Guides) around as a pseudo Team Leader
Level 4: Bronze: Now we start getting serious. You've watched three YouTube videos, one about Snow, one about Marshalling Signals, one about Car Parks at Summer Events When There Is Rain On The Field Creating A Small Amount Of Mud. You may kit your Land Rover out fully now except for the winch as you've not done that course.
Level 5: Silver. Now you can get a winch. Don't forget its a winch line and not a cable. However, you are now senior enough that at summer events you don't actually use your Land Rover at all, you may spend time at the Command Point Gazebo in charge of the radio, handing out weak lemon drink and leaflets as well as having a first aid kit to hand
Level 6: Gold. You get a chair to sit on whilst in the Gazebo.

[Gameface]

You lot are trying far too hard.

[DonkeyApple]

LimaDelta said:

Like saying 'copy' rather than 'roger' on the radio.

Isn’t that common sense as Roger is a common Walt name?

[LimaDelta]

DonkeyApple said:

LimaDelta said:

Like saying 'copy' rather than 'roger' on the radio.

Isn’t that common sense as Roger is a common Walt name?

[48k]

Gameface said:

You lot are trying far too hard.

I'm afraid you sound like a civilian, sir. Could you just step back outside the thread boundary please. Professionally trained persons only beyond this point.

[captain_cynic]

DonkeyApple said:

LimaDelta said:

Like saying 'copy' rather than 'roger' on the radio.

Isn’t that common sense as Roger is a common Walt name?

And not saying "wilco" when Walt command has ordered to do something.

I say again, this is lemon drink alpha two niner, read back and authenticate over. (did a two week radio course in high school, strange what sticks in your head)