Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
I went through divorce, and Iwouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Family Court is geared towards the wife Ok, there.ll be some instances of them favouring the Father, but on the whole they just do not. That’s how it is. You think it’ll be fair, it isn’t. It’s unchangeable, women pull every trick. They get advice on how to win. That’s how they are, that’s how it is, big deal.
You move on, Times the healer
You get on with your life. You find someone else and you slowly recover. With passing time, and distance you get perspective, you heal
Don’t get bitter, just move on, become indifferent to what happened, it’s all just part of it, and you learn from it.
You get on with your life, that’s the best answer, the best way. It’s all about getting closure, and leaving the hurt behind. You get yourself back, the real you.
Life turns round, you just have to get through it.
Family Court is geared towards the wife Ok, there.ll be some instances of them favouring the Father, but on the whole they just do not. That’s how it is. You think it’ll be fair, it isn’t. It’s unchangeable, women pull every trick. They get advice on how to win. That’s how they are, that’s how it is, big deal.
You move on, Times the healer
You get on with your life. You find someone else and you slowly recover. With passing time, and distance you get perspective, you heal
Don’t get bitter, just move on, become indifferent to what happened, it’s all just part of it, and you learn from it.
You get on with your life, that’s the best answer, the best way. It’s all about getting closure, and leaving the hurt behind. You get yourself back, the real you.
Life turns round, you just have to get through it.
Wolfer said:
Update for anyone interested.
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
Was this the closing post from W, the opWe ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
stuttgartmetal said:
You move on, Times the healer
You get on with your life. You find someone else and you slowly recover. With passing time, and distance you get perspective, you heal
Don’t get bitter, just move on, become indifferent to what happened, it’s all just part of it, and you learn from it.
You get on with your life, that’s the best answer, the best way. It’s all about getting closure, and leaving the hurt behind. You get yourself back, the real you.
Life turns round, you just have to get through it.
This is probably the best thing written on this thread. You get on with your life. You find someone else and you slowly recover. With passing time, and distance you get perspective, you heal
Don’t get bitter, just move on, become indifferent to what happened, it’s all just part of it, and you learn from it.
You get on with your life, that’s the best answer, the best way. It’s all about getting closure, and leaving the hurt behind. You get yourself back, the real you.
Life turns round, you just have to get through it.
There’s a s
t tonne of bitterness on here, and from my own experience, not just with marriage but any relationship where you become emotionally invested, when it ends, the best thing you can do is try and keep your head up, keep it civil, and pull your life back together. The unfortunate thing about financial wrangling is that it stops you letting go and moving on with life. Of course there is a need to make sure you that the ex doesn’t have your pants down financially as that’s your future security, but at what price..?
From personal experience, letting go, and moving on will bring you more happiness than any amount of money ever will.
Edited by wiliferus on Tuesday 14th May 04:51
stuttgartmetal said:
Wolfer said:
Update for anyone interested.
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
Was this the closing post from W, the opWe ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
My family are rude. I tend not to notice, because I grew up with them, and I must have some zone out on it.
Every visit is tense, the last before Christmas almost destroyed our marriage, because I didn't intervene.
To me the argument was like 2 mates in a pub, slightly pissed. To my wife? They are never coming back in the house, and I've let her done. Again and again and again.
And again.
Pit Pony said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Wolfer said:
Update for anyone interested.
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
Was this the closing post from W, the opWe ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
My family are rude. I tend not to notice, because I grew up with them, and I must have some zone out on it.
Every visit is tense, the last before Christmas almost destroyed our marriage, because I didn't intervene.
To me the argument was like 2 mates in a pub, slightly pissed. To my wife? They are never coming back in the house, and I've let her done. Again and again and again.
And again.
What’s seemingly innocuous to one is really painful to another.
Keeping visits to a strict timeline, mutual ground, avoiding alcohol are a couple of suggestions I d make.
The girl I m seeing has a difficult family set up , jealousy between sisters and mum/dad apart and in new relationships. Some of the venom I saw banded around when we recently went for lunch was shocking tbh. Equally it’s not my place to judge anyone else set up either, so I just offered extra support to her and for my part didn’t bite to the baiting of me coming from one particular sibling.
Taylor James said:
g3org3y said:
Taylor James said:
I have been in the 'other guy's' shoes as well. I was interested in the woman not her kids.
...
I didn't want the responsibility for her and her kids.
Do they not come as a package?...
I didn't want the responsibility for her and her kids.
In addition, his ex-wife kept the home for ten years while he made money, giving up her career in the process, so it it only seems fair he is unable to walk away from that and make a nice fresh start unencumbered by any responsibilities.
Unless she's wealthy and you're on minimum wage then its only natural you're going to end up paying for the kid in various ways. Or refuse to have anything at all to do with the kid (and probably end up with the mum binning you) or accept a massive drop in quality of life as you attempt to avoid bills.
I'd have thought paying for your new kid is the only way the new relationship is likely to survive. If you can't accept them as your new kid its doomed, or its just a short term fling, imo
I'm in my mid 30's, dating a local (Portuguese) woman. Her sister ran off to Brazil 7-8 years ago and left a 6-12 month old baby behind, so my mrs and her parents brought up the girl with no logistical, emotional or financial support from the DNA donor. Neither of them actually, the other is in jail and will be till past the kid being 18. She also left a pair of boys behind but they went to other family members.
I can't imagine any real relationship scenario where it could work where I said I don't want any real responsibility for the kid. We both have full time jobs, there are only 2 days off a week and I can't really expect her to dump the daughter to come do something with me instead. So financial responsibility becomes inevitable. Now its 3 meals I'm paying for instead of 2. Or a new pair of shoes or gym clothes for school or whatever. I'm not complaining at all, I think if you wait till your 30's till you settle down its par for the course - where are you going to find someone single, not utterly mental, reasonably attractive and with whatever other personality traits you look for, along with being childless too
Some of my friends questioned my choices, saying I could get attached to the kid and then have her taken away from me later with no recourse or rights. I laughed as the British guy telling me that has a DNA kid of his own, with a Portuguese woman. If me and him both break up with our partners tomorrow I think he's realistically going to be in a worse position than me. He's still going to have to pay with limited or no access, I'm not.
Don't move out.
Does she work? Mortgage? If no and yes, then financially it won't look good.
But the most important thing to focus on is the child share arrangements you end up with, you want to ensure your daughter doesn't grow up barely seeing you. So bite your tongue as needed and get on with it.
Do your best to convince her to do a DIY divorce, and not use lawyers.
And don't move out!
Does she work? Mortgage? If no and yes, then financially it won't look good.
But the most important thing to focus on is the child share arrangements you end up with, you want to ensure your daughter doesn't grow up barely seeing you. So bite your tongue as needed and get on with it.
Do your best to convince her to do a DIY divorce, and not use lawyers.
And don't move out!
Ilovejapcrap said:
funkyrobot said:
My wife has told me tonight she wants a divorce.
I guess that with a 5 year old daughter and a house together, I'm fked?
On the plus side, it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Christ did you know it was coming then ?. keep strong pal.I guess that with a 5 year old daughter and a house together, I'm f
ked?On the plus side, it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I had made the move, it would never have been forgotten and it would have been added to my heap of blame. She said it tonight though and I finally had the result I had been waiting for.
I think she was expecting more drama when she told me. Maybe was expecting me to beg. I just said 'ok', told her my reasoning why and said time to move on then. That was taken as expected.
It's all about my daughter now. As my wife said tonight, the only good thing about our relationship has been our daughter.
I'm supposed to be saying yes or no to a new job over the next few days. This has made he decision a bit more difficult.
Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 22 August 00:50
Move out, it'll be easier. Get some space, and give her some headroom. Take all your financial papers statements etc etc with you.
Control the things you can control, let the rest just go over your head, and keep calm.
Tough times ahead. I on't envy you
www.wkivorce.com
helps fill the void
Control the things you can control, let the rest just go over your head, and keep calm.
Tough times ahead. I on't envy you
www.wkivorce.com
helps fill the void
stuttgartmetal said:
Move out, it'll be easier. Get some space, and give her some headroom. Take all your financial papers statements etc etc with you.
Control the things you can control, let the rest just go over your head, and keep calm.
Tough times ahead. I on't envy you
www.wkivorce.com
helps fill the void
Previous advice from people involved has invariably been to NOT move out until all the necessary legal and financial issues have been properly settled. Control the things you can control, let the rest just go over your head, and keep calm.
Tough times ahead. I on't envy you
www.wkivorce.com
helps fill the void
You are for now. The important thing to learn is that anger is an inward emotion which you have complete control over.
Good luck chaps.
My ex is now having twins. I couldn’t be more happy at the fiscal burden 4 kids will bring her lovely new partner. (She left pregnant to him 2 years back)
Good luck chaps.
My ex is now having twins. I couldn’t be more happy at the fiscal burden 4 kids will bring her lovely new partner. (She left pregnant to him 2 years back)
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff