Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Absolutely do NOT move out. Keep things cordial and walk away from any arguments. Go for a literal long walk if necessary but whatever you do don't argue, be hostile, lose your temper, shout, break things or anything that could be construed as aggressive. Be very careful with texts - keep them friendly and polite whatever the provocation. The best thing you can do is try and work out a plan but first see if she already has one. Chances are she does.
Her plan will involve him moving out and keeping her in the house.
Whilst it’s great financial advice to stay in the house, it will make things for the daughter a billion times worse.
We stayed together (was my house, not married but she had nowhere to go) and the arguments happened and our little 5 year old went through that
Whilst it’s great financial advice to stay in the house, it will make things for the daughter a billion times worse.
We stayed together (was my house, not married but she had nowhere to go) and the arguments happened and our little 5 year old went through that
Taylor James said:
Absolutely do NOT move out. Keep things cordial and walk away from any arguments. Go for a literal long walk if necessary but whatever you do don't argue, be hostile, lose your temper, shout, break things or anything that could be construed as aggressive. Be very careful with texts - keep them friendly and polite whatever the provocation. The best thing you can do is try and work out a plan but first see if she already has one. Chances are she does.
THIS THIS and THIS. Plus make a record of all conversations. This will force conversations to be short and brief and avoids ranting. The elephant in the room is her going for an occupancy order based on your behaviour. Trust is now gone so don't take any chances.Don't trust previous joint friends or her family. Keep your own counsel and just play the long game.
singlecoil said:
As a matter of interest, how do the courts generally react when a woman says that her husband is aggressive and threatening, even though he isn't?
The courts tend to listen to her and ignore him. Have a look through this thread for posts from Tonker, bit of a shocking eye-opener how the court process works.
George Smiley said:
Her plan will involve him moving out and keeping her in the house.
Whilst it’s great financial advice to stay in the house, it will make things for the daughter a billion times worse.
We stayed together (was my house, not married but she had nowhere to go) and the arguments happened and our little 5 year old went through that
No matter how many times I see it posted I still think staying in the house is terrible advice. Unless you intend to become totally 50 / 50 with childcare, I think in the end you are moving out and allowing your CHILD to stay in the house that they are familiar with. Whilst it’s great financial advice to stay in the house, it will make things for the daughter a billion times worse.
We stayed together (was my house, not married but she had nowhere to go) and the arguments happened and our little 5 year old went through that
Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
Really surprised that staying in the house is so widely suggested - can’t imagine anything worse, not only for you but for any child involved. Keep things as amicable as possible and work out a timetable to see your kid ASAP. Staying in the house will just lead to arguments (that she’ll carefully document and use against you) and will totally do your head in seeing what you’re about to lose.
Robertj21a said:
singlecoil said:
As a matter of interest, how do the courts generally react when a woman says that her husband is aggressive and threatening, even though he isn't?
Past comments suggest that most courts routinely accept the female version of events. Gargamel said:
No matter how many times I see it posted I still think staying in the house is terrible advice. Unless you intend to become totally 50 / 50 with childcare, I think in the end you are moving out and allowing your CHILD to stay in the house that they are familiar with.
Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
A counter argument to that could also be that staying in the house gives reassurance to the child that both parents are still there - one has not suddenly gone away. The child will already know that something's not quite right so extra reassurance will be helpful, particularly if both parents can remain civil to each other.Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
Staying pleasant and polite, avoiding arguments in front of others, and generally making progress towards an amicable solution is likely to be a good way forward.
Petrus1983 said:
Really surprised that staying in the house is so widely suggested - can’t imagine anything worse, not only for you but for any child involved. Keep things as amicable as possible and work out a timetable to see your kid ASAP. Staying in the house will just lead to arguments (that she’ll carefully document and use against you) and will totally do your head in seeing what you’re about to lose.
Have you ever been in the situation described?Nine times out of ten, the man will move out and the replacement - or a series of replacements quite often - will move in. That's the plan. That's you f
ked for the forseeable. It also gives the staying party the opportunity to blame Daddy, poison the water, etc. Staying put doesn't have to result in arguments and will more likely result in a more fair and amicable split.Gargamel said:
No matter how many times I see it posted I still think staying in the house is terrible advice. Unless you intend to become totally 50 / 50 with childcare, I think in the end you are moving out and allowing your CHILD to stay in the house that they are familiar with.
Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
In that case, why doesn't she move out?Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
Gargamel said:
No matter how many times I see it posted I still think staying in the house is terrible advice. Unless you intend to become totally 50 / 50 with childcare, I think in the end you are moving out and allowing your CHILD to stay in the house that they are familiar with.
Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
The key thing is not to move out until finances and child arrangements are sorted.Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
If you move out without these done you're handing her a massive advantage.
She really doesn't have to do anything until forced to by the courts which can take months or years.
Also think about her bring her new boyfriend over to stay in a house you're still paying for while you're moping around in a bedsit.
Zoobeef said:
Gargamel said:
No matter how many times I see it posted I still think staying in the house is terrible advice. Unless you intend to become totally 50 / 50 with childcare, I think in the end you are moving out and allowing your CHILD to stay in the house that they are familiar with.
Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
In that case, why doesn't she move out?Every situation is different, financially, emotionally and yes in the agreement between the two adults. I can have no time for recording or surveillance of conversations with your now ex. But I accept that some rare cases it has been necessary,
Generally my advice would be, doing nothing at times is quite useful, prevents over reaction. Don’t fight fire with fire, be in control of your emotions (outwardly). Focus on time with your daughter and make it clear to her that as far as she and your relationship goes, nothing changes.
I moved out. But then I was traveling for work 60% of the time anyway ...
Not in the plan.
Taylor James said:
Have you ever been in the situation described?
Nine times out of ten, the man will move out and the replacement - or a series of replacements quite often - will move in. That's the plan. That's you fked for the forseeable. It also gives the staying party the opportunity to blame Daddy, poison the water, etc. Staying put doesn't have to result in arguments and will more likely result in a more fair and amicable split.
We may have to agree to disagree! The reason the splits happened is because there’s a problem. I’d much rather create my own space, go for some beers with my mates, get everything sorted in my head and work out the best way to go forwards. And yes - that’s how I did it. Nine times out of ten, the man will move out and the replacement - or a series of replacements quite often - will move in. That's the plan. That's you f
ked for the forseeable. It also gives the staying party the opportunity to blame Daddy, poison the water, etc. Staying put doesn't have to result in arguments and will more likely result in a more fair and amicable split.Petrus1983 said:
Taylor James said:
Have you ever been in the situation described?
Nine times out of ten, the man will move out and the replacement - or a series of replacements quite often - will move in. That's the plan. That's you fked for the forseeable. It also gives the staying party the opportunity to blame Daddy, poison the water, etc. Staying put doesn't have to result in arguments and will more likely result in a more fair and amicable split.
We may have to agree to disagree! The reason the splits happened is because there’s a problem. I’d much rather create my own space, go for some beers with my mates, get everything sorted in my head and work out the best way to go forwards. And yes - that’s how I did it. Nine times out of ten, the man will move out and the replacement - or a series of replacements quite often - will move in. That's the plan. That's you f
ked for the forseeable. It also gives the staying party the opportunity to blame Daddy, poison the water, etc. Staying put doesn't have to result in arguments and will more likely result in a more fair and amicable split.theboss said:
Robertj21a said:
Previous advice from people involved has invariably been to NOT move out until all the necessary legal and financial issues have been properly settled.
Problem is, that can take several years...It also stops her moving the new love in to your bed
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